Once again i have started being woken up in the early hours by a visit from the beast. Just as the temperature seems to drop between 2 am and 3 am i seem to be effected and i get a wake up call from hell. the attacks are always the same and seem to start from the top of the jaw on the left side of my face , travel up behind the eye and over the top of the head reaching into the back of my neck. At first when i open my eyes i have a few seconds of confusion as to why i have suddenly woken up and what is happening and that when the pain kicks in. just as the brain realises i am about to have an attack it starts and the pain begins to shoot over the head. You would think, after having so many attacks, that i would get used to them by now. No matter how regular they are they always seem worst than before and always seem more painful. Every time i have an attack i always end up drained of all energy. The high pain level seems to take everything i have got to be able to handle it and ride the pain. Even when i take my injections i still have to endure the pain for a certain amount of time before they take effect.
The pain in my neck has also been getting gradually worst as time goes on but at least i am now under physiotherapy. I had my assessment the other day and they told me there wasn't really much they can do for me apart from trying small exercises to help manage the pain and improve my movement. They are concerned that i am shut away in my flat all the time but thats something i have to address at a later date as for the time being i have no choice, i am either in too much pain to move around or walk anywhere or i am in fear of having attacks whilst out and about so no matter what i do i just cant seem to win at the moment. I do try and get out and go fishing when ever i get a chance or i feel well enough but unfortunately its not as often as i want at the moment. i will make the effort to get out more often and do some more fishing, at least once a week starting next month as with the summer comes more pain free days. I am just hoping that when winter returns i don't end up having to deal with more attacks as i usually do. So far the attacks have reduced to at least 50% less than what i was getting and i am praying to god that they will say that way.
After being told by the specialist at the hospital there isn't much more they can do for me now apart from help me manage my pain i have found out there is still a couple of medications that i can try as a last resort. They also said they could refer me to London for the specialists, who are actually working on this illness, to take a look at me and investigate the reason why i have become a chronic sufferer and why it has stayed that way even though we have thrown all sorts of medication at it to try and get it to go into remission. It does give me a little more hop that still something can be done and that i could get these attacks under control and manage my condition successfully They also mentioned they wont be able to give me any more treatment until they get this hiatus hernia sorted out as it is stopping me from having these other medications so i now have to arrange an appointment with my new doctor and try and get her to expedite my appointment for the hernia and chase it up so we can get it sorted once and for all. The hernia has become very problematic and is causing me a lot of pain and discomfort on a daily basis now. I cant eat or drink properly with out things trapping and almost chocking me and also giving me sharp stinging pain in the chest.
Even though i still have many health problems and have a long way to go before i start to claim back some sort of quality of life i am feeling a bit more positive than i normally am. I have been having difficulties with the bi-polar and feeling very low a lot of the time but i have tried my hardest to shrug it off and just get on with things even though i just don't feel like it. After going fishing the other weekend i felt great when i got home and its crazy to think that no matter how bad or low i feel when i go fishing i always seem to forget all about it and feel great for days after my trip. This i one of the reasons i love fishing so much and i really can't wait until i get to go again so i am planning a trip in a couple of weeks or maybe even sooner. I am just hoping the weather is kind to me and i get the chance to get out very soon.
