Its that time of year again where the weather changes are dramatic and the cluster attacks become unbearable. Being woken in the early hours all the time due to the sudden temperature drop at 2 and 3 am is really getting annoying. So far this year the beast has been kind to me and i haven't been getting as many attacks as i normally get and with the help of the medication i am now on , Amertripterlyine, i have been seeing a lot more pain free days than i usual have. I have started making plans for a few fishing trips this year and am glad that i can finally jump back on the saddle so to speak and get out a lot more instead of shutting myself away in the flat afraid to go outdoors in case of a massive attack. I am about to go out for a 3 day fishing trip at one of the local lakes with a few friends and hopefully the attacks will stay away for the 3 days but i was reminded this morning just how painful of a wake up call these attacks can be.
It was really strange as i think i was having a nightmare when the beast decided to rear its ugly head. All i can remember is that i dreamt that something had happened and i was holding my head in agony because of some kind of accident but the details of the dream have now become vague. When i woke up i didn't even have time to realise it was just a s dream as the pain was at a maximum level when my eyes opened and i was rubbing my head trying to ease the agony. The pain had already shot from the top of my jaw on the left side up behind the eye and over the top of the head into the neck at the back. The sweat was pouring off me and i cold hardly open my left eye. My face felt swollen and i was getting shooting pains down my back from the pain in the neck. I can only describe this pain as a stinging pain as it was very sharp and no matter what i did i just couldn't get comfortable or stop it form hurting.
I rushed for my injection but i knew it would have very little effect as the attack was already in full swing and when this happens no matter how quick you take the injection you still end up having to ride out the attack and the pain for the full duration. I was lucky as the attacks normally last well over an hour but this one seemed to ease off at 45 minuets and was gone just as quick as it started. I can only think that it must have started whilst i was asleep and the dream i had was a way of my brain waking me up to tell me i was in severe pain. Thankfully it didn't have any after shocks as i call them and i managed to drop back off to sleep. Normally when i am woken by an attack i end up having to stay awake as the aches and after pains last for a few hours making it impossible to relax again but i think my body was so tired after this attack it just wanted to sleep.
I am lucky when i go fishing i have a bivvi (a tent) that i set up camp in and if i have a big attack i can just lay down on my camping bed and relax and let the attack do its thing whilst i take my medication. Then when the attack is gone i can continue my fishing so i don't mind having the attacks when i am out on the lake bank. It's a totally different story when you are out and about in general as i feel embarrassed when i have an attack in public and get annoyed when people approach you, wit the best of intentions, asking if you are ok and can they help. Its obvious i am not ok and when i tell them there is nothing they can do and to leave me deal with it in my own way they look at me as if i have suddenly turned into an alien or something. It's difficult to explain what an attack is like to someone who doesn't know about the condition and i can understand their reactions to not being able to help as i myself couldn't just leave someone who was in so much pain and i too would feel helpless if there was nothing i can do.
This is one of the main reasons i tend to lock myself away in my flat day after day and even though the doctors tell me its not healthy for me to do this is very difficult not to do it and they say they understand but i don't think they do. It wouldn't be so bad if i had a warning sign that an attack was on its way and i could then go out and return home before an attack happens but with this condition there is no warning and it can happen at any time within seconds. The one thing that does annoy me is the problems i am having with my health now after having so many side effect from different medications trying to find one that will get the condition under control. Because there isn't much now about the condition and its incurable its trial and error with the specialists. I actually feel like they are experimenting on me rather than treating my condition but there is nothing i can do to change that feeling knowing there isn't a cure. Lets hope now the warm weather is here i continue to have more pain free days and less attacks and fingers crossed this condition will slowly become more manageable as time goes on. For now i am just grateful for any time i have with out pain and lets hope i can get out fishing as much as i can this year whilst things are going well, but i wont count my chickens just yet!
