When i first started the medication i wondered if it would stop me having to deal with repeated attacks during the winter as this seems to be the worst time of year for cluster attacks. No matter how hard i try not to let it effect me and hide away from the cold, i still end up having to deal with constant attacks from the beast. The worst thing is they come in bouts of 3 or 4 and that can really drain all your strength. I am very grateful that i now have 50% less attacks than when it first turned chronic plus i am now getting more pain free days ( not including the neck and back pain). Despite the small improvements and the medication helping i am still finding the winter periods hell to deal with. I am sure its something to do with the low pressure when it rains or there is bad weather. This seems to be the time that the beast rears its ugly head.
The types of attacks i have never seem to change but always seem stronger than the one before , if that's at all possible. The attack always starts behind the eye and above the left side of the jaw and then shoots over the top of the left side of my head into my neck. My body immediately reacts with it bursting into severe sweats and and the left side of the face starts to droop and the eye begins to close whilst water streams out of the eyes socket. The level of pain becomes so severe you can no longer think of anything other than the pain. Its so hard trying to do things when you are having the attack. You get an out of world feeling when the pain hits its peak and its at that moment you begin praying to god for death to come and the pain to be no more. You feel like smashing your head on the ground to try and split it open to let out the evil that is trapped within. You can't keep still due to the pain coursing over your head and all you can do is pray for it to stop.
Each time i have these attacks it feels like a part of me dies. No matter how many times you tell yourself the pain will eventually end you just have to hold on , you always think its never going to stop. How much more punishment can the body take and how much pain before your mind and body says no more. I have now been suffering "Chronically" for over 10 years and i really think my body is trying to tell me enough is enough. I am having problems from the hiatus hernia i now have which was brought on from side effects of medication and constipation. My back is in constant pain from the nerve or spine which i am now awaiting treatment for, my neck is in agony all the time from the constant battering the cluster attacks keep giving me. I am getting severe chest pains all the time and my left arm keeps going dead and numb from the nerve in the neck. I am now awaiting so much treatment at the hospital its starting to become a joke.
When i said i would fight this condition with every ounce of strength i mean it, but i can only fight as hard as my body will let me; and if its starting to give up on me and i beginning to worry how much more i can take. All i can do for now is wait for these appointments with the Spinal clinic, Vascular Surgery and Cardiology and pray that it IS the nerve causing these problems and i will be able to do something about it. I have always felt that the back problems, neck problems, chest pains and dead arm are all down to a damage nerve that i have in the left side of my neck. I have now had several MRI scans done so they should be able to now confirm this theory or at least tell me exactly what is happening and why its causing me so many problems. I am also convinced it is this damage that caused my cluster headaches to get worst and become chronic.
As soon as i have been seen and finally get some answers i can stop worrying about it and start trying to make myself comfortable and concentrate on my fishing once again. I have missed out on quite a few fishing trips last year all down to pain in the neck and back so hopefully now i am getting some answers and help they will be able to start treatment and i can start getting out a lot more. I think not knowing what is wrong with you is a lot worst that actually being ill. The stress and the worry makes everything seem 10 times worst. I am just hoping my cluster attacks remain on its current course and continue improving and reducing over the next few years.
