Well i finally have to admit that trying to live with 3 different conditions and all of them result in severe pain all day is really taking its toll on my body. When i was first diagnosed with the Cluster condition, and realised i would have these attacks every day until either they get it under control with medication or i couldn't take them any more, it rocked my world. Not being able to get treatment for the condition other than a few medications that will help to abort the attacks makes it very difficult to live with. Not only this but the medication used to try and control these attacks causes so many problems and side effects themselves it can become a real nightmare. There is no painkiller known that will ease or stop the pain so there isn't really much you can do until the body decides enough is enough. The one thing that has helped when it comes to fighting the condition is that i know each attack will eventually stop even if it does take an hour or two when at its worst. At least the pain will stop and you can get some rest before it starts all over again.
When i developed the hiatus hernia, which again was caused through medication and side effects, i never thought there would be nothing they could do about it and that i would end up suffering chest pains and chronic re-flux condition not to mention when the throat blocks during my sleep waking me up in a panic. I thought to myself my luck can't be that bad surely and i now have another condition i have to adjust my life for. I can't sleep flat as the fear of choking in my sleep and the build up of acid during the night is just too much. Food and liquids trapping during the day whilst having lunch or dinner and chocking on your food is an unpleasant experience at the best of times but to have it daily is really annoying. Once again i thought to myself, just like the cluster headaches, the pain and problems isn't all the time so again i could learn to live with it and try and fight the problems,.
Then the third kick in the groin came along when they diagnosed me with a problem with the main nerves in the left side of my neck and once again they have told me there is nothing they can do to help me other than very risky injection into the main nerve or a cervical nerve root block witch could result in me loosing the feeling in the left side of my body not to mention the mobility. i could end up permanently stuck in a wheel chair if i choose these options in order to ease the pain. OK i understand these are only risks and everything could be fine but its a gamble and half,. Again my only other choice is to try and learn to live with the pain using strong painkillers, heat treatments , stretching and general surface massage on the neck area. It has been agreed that if i get to the point where i can no longer put up with the pain then i would be then given the first choice which is the injection into the nerve and hope that all goes according to plan. This is an option i want to hold off on for as long as possible and pray to god things get better soon.
This time i don't get a break from the pain unless i am on painkillers and as i don't want to be taking too many all the time as that will cause problems in itself, then i have to put up with pain for a long period during each day and this can also set off some of my cluster attacks as it aggravates the nerve in the neck and causes a cluster to start. The pain down the left side of my body, down the back, across the lower back, down the left leg, down the left arm, across the left chest and the stabbing pain under the left shoulder blade are all symptoms from the nerve damage and is also causing me problems when i try and walk as all the strength disappears from my legs and i get pain in both legs from the ankle right up to the thigh. As time goes on i am noticing more things beginning to cause me pain and i am noticing it is really taking it out of me.
How much pain can the human body endure? My heart rate is now constantly fast and a couple of the specialists i have seen have shown concern yet nothing has been done about it. I am waking up some days where i get no feeling in my left arm and leg for the first hour i am awake and then the feeling comes back over time. Its a very strange feeling as you can still move the limbs but cant feel what they are doing. I am also getting some strange sensations where my left arm suddenly freezes icy cold from the shoulder to the wrist and then comes back to normal and the same on the top of my head like someone is putting a cold icy cap on my head. These are all symptoms from the nerve when they are playing up and although i understand what they are and that they wont hurt me or cause me to die its still scary when these things happen. How much of this i can take i just don't know but i will try and fight it all for as long as possible and try and get on with my fishing this year. Its difficult coping with the stress and depression side of the illness especially over the last few weeks as not only did i loose my best friend and neighbour but another very close friend passed away a few days ago from loosing a battle with cancer and its really taking its toll on me. I sometimes wonder is it worth fighting ... all i can do is keep trying!
