Once again the beast returns with vengeance. Each attacks draining the body to the point of collapse and made 100 times worst because of the pain in the left neck and back. The attacks always seem to start in the same place just behind the left eye and above the left jaw. The pain then spreads very quickly over the top of the left side of my head into my neck. My body then bursts into cold sweats and the hissing or ringing in my ears becomes so loud i can't hear the TV properly let alone see it as my eye starts to stream and tears run down my left cheek. You would think after having so many attacks i would be used to then by now. They always seem to be stronger than the last attack if that is at all possible. The length of the attack can depend on how strong it starts and if i am able to use my medication quick enough.
On average each attack is around 10 to 30 minuets long stretching to just over an hour if i am unable to take more medication or have left it too late for it to work properly. I now have a bad habit of massaging my head vigorously when having an attack as the friction seems to help me manage the level of pain when it comes. The pain level is so high i just don't understand how the body can endure so much pain for so long and i always wonder if one day i will have one attack too many. Even though i know the attack will eventually stop i always feel that its never going to end and just want to be put out of my misery and for all the pain to stop. When the attack finally stops i thank god and have to spend at least an hour relaxing and taking things easy as all my strength disappears during the attack.
Since the turn of the new year i have seen a big reduction i the total amount of attacks i have during the day and am now getting more pain free days than i was before so i am now starting to live a semi normal life making sure i don't do anything to aggravate the cluster attacks and watch i don't hurt my neck or set off the pain which also causes the cluster attacks to start. Its hard sometimes as i feel i cannot do the normal things we all take for granted like taking a stroll into town to do window shopping. The last time i went into town shopping was over 6 to 8 years ago. I tend to stay clear of crowded places as i don't want to have an attack in the middle of a crowd. The same thing applies when wanting to go out anywhere, to be honest, as i just don't like having attacks in front of people.
It seems to scare them and they then keep trying to help you even though you tell them there is nothing they can do and just to let you manage the pain yourself they always seem like they need to help. I know its nice of people actually wanting to try and help you but even though you explain things they still seem to not quite understand you. I think this is because not much is known about the condition but it is slowly changing as they are now finding more and more people who actually have the condition after being miss diagnosed for many years. I am hoping as more and more is found out about the condition they will one day come up with a solution to these attacks and people will be able to get the treatment the desperately need. Until then all i can do is continue fighting on and not give in to the beast no matter how bad my health gets.
