Once again the best has returned with vengeance, I have been having some horrific cluster attacks that are so painful not only do i loose my balance and the left side of my face becomes numb but just lately i have been loosing the sound. Yes i know this sounds strange but when the attack starts to reach its peak when it comes to the pain level all of a sudden my hearing becomes muffled and i can hear a very loud hissing sound like static from an off tuned TV set. With the problems i have been having with the nerves in the neck has also been aggravating my cluster attacks and causing me to deal with 3 or 4 attacks during the day more than usual. Its very hard having to ride these attacks out especially when you can't take any more injections as you have used up the 2 you are allowed early in the day.
I have found a new trigger just lately and that seems to be when you are very upset or you mood drops very low. I am not sure if its the stress side of it causing the attacks to start or whether its just the low mood in general but it does seem to effect me. The other day i had some news that shocked the life out of me and caused my whole world to turn upside down. other than my mother, brother and step father the one person that has always supported me through everything i have been going through was my neighbour and best friend Royston Llewellyn. No matter what time of day it is or how bad things got he was always there to comfort me and advise me and give me the strength i needed to fight this condition and the problems i have been going through.
Unfortunately Roy was unwell himself and required a serious operation to make him comfortable but things didn't go to plan and whilst in hospital the worst thing that could happen , did! He passed away whilst undergoing dialysis and as you can imagine it has shocked his entire family and all his close friends. This man was one in a million, he would always think of others before himself and would never complain even when he was laying in bed in agony from gout he still managed to smile and joke around. If anyone had a problem or needed financial help he was always the first person to offer and help them out. He would never see anyone go with out and was always there to offer advice and support. He dd so much for so many people and never once asked anything in return other than you showed him respect. He is the one in a million that will always be in my thoughts. It was him who showed me that we do have the strength to fight these illnesses and conditions and to keep on fighting. Sadly it has now also shown me that the body can only take so much punishment and eventually the time will come where you can take no more.
Its been hard the last few days thinking of him all the time and wondering what he would be saying to me now. With each attack i have i think of him saying to me , "Don;t give in to it Martyn" , "You can fight it and beat it!" . These words echo through my mind everyday and no matter how sad i feel at the moment i know in my heart that he will be at ease and out of pain now. So the least i can do is show strength and keep on going for as long as i can. Keep on fighting the illness , trying to find the right treatment and never give in the the depression. I know deep down he will be watching over all his family and friends and we will never forget him. I am just grateful and honoured that he was my friend!
"Roy we will miss you my friend ", "God bless you and thanks for just being you"
