As usual just when you think you have things under control circumstances change and you are back fighting the beast once again, This hot weather has been causing havoc with my head and the attacks i have. Normally my main attacks are triggered by cold spells and severe drops in temperature but this time it seems to be the extreme heat that seems to be setting them off and the low pressure patches we have that keeps bring rain and storms with it. When a storm is approaching the air feels like its charged and the hair on the back of my neck stands up and this shows me or at least warns me that an attack is on its way. This is the first time i have experienced the warmer weather actually setting off attacks and it amazes me how the body reacts to certain things.
When the cold weather comes in the winter i see a huge increase in the amount of attacks i get in a day and i can have anything up to 8 or sometimes even 10 attacks in a day that leaves me drained and feeling like i want to die. This is the first time the hot weather has made me feel the same way. When it started the other week i thought i was just having a bad day and then i realized the attacks were not just a bad day but were here on a regular basis and the amount slowly increased to 6 attacks during the day and 2 at night. The worst ones are the early morning ones at around 3 or 4 am that keep waking me up and due to this i get very little sleep as there is no way of falling back to sleep after an attack no matter how tired or weak you feel.
I don't care what anyone says about pain, you NEVER get used to it no matter how constant it becomes. It always seems to be worst than the one before and the pain level it reaches is really strange as it effects my hearing and my balance and even my breathing. I used to think i was getting panic attacks at the same time as the cluster attack but i now know this isnt the case as i am so used to getting the attacks it has become second nature to me. Even though i am used to getting them and know what to do when they come i still cant get used to the level of the pain. I can't believe that the human body can withstand such trauma and agony it amazes me that i am still alive today after having so many bad attacks as the years have gone by.
I am hoping that this last bout of attacks are just a passing phase due to the weather and will calm down again soon as it is now effecting the top part of my back and chest not only on the left side where i get the attacks over the head but also down the right side where the pain is now spreading to. I actually thought i was improving over the last couple of years but unfortunately i seem to be getting the same routine as i had when it all started years ago. As the attacks increase so does the pain level leaving me drained all day long and unable to do anything or go anywhere. Again i am trapped indoors in my flat unable to go out and in pain all the time. I a,m planning to go fishing with a few friends on the weekend so i am hoping it will calm down a little by then and at least i will get a couple of days back out in the sun and fresh air. You don't understand what it is like to have freedom taken away from you until it happens, i now understand how disabled people feel when they are restricted and unable to get about or go out when they feel like it and have restrictions to what they can physically do all the time. I really do understand what being ill is all about!
