I have started to realise that no matter how good you think things are becoming and how well you feel with the condition CH the beast always returns at the worst times and reminds you just how painful a condition it is. I have been going through a hard time just lately suffering from rashes that have appeared suddenly from nowhere and making my skin feel sore. Eyes that are just so sore its difficult to keep them open and really annoying as it keeps making my eyes water and a sore mouth that is from oral thrush being set off by the hiatus hernia i have. It seems that instead of just suffering from one thing at a time i am now having to deal with 2 or 3 different problems at any one time making treatment very difficult. The doctors have been doing all sorts of tests to try and find out what is going on and they are no closer to the cause of the problem so are unable to treat me properly.
I have lost count the amount of emergency appointments i have had with my doctor and now feel embarrassed every time i have to call them and say i need to see the doctor yet again. It makes me feel like i am turning into a hypochondriac and have even started to question my mental health. I know i suffer with type 2 bi-polar and have done since i was very young but have learnt to live with it and keep it under control but still have problems dealing with the depression side of the illness. I also find i have trouble dealing with stressful situations and end up feeling ill afterwards so i tend not to put myself in that situation any more or try to avoid it at least. The stress i have been getting due to my health has been uncontrollable as not knowing what is going on is really starting to effect me and i am now starting to feel the effects take a physical form. If i knew what was making me ill i wouldn't worry so much as i know i can then treat it to make me feel better.
Again i have started waking in the early hours with attacks from the beats. I am sure they are being brought on by the amount of stress i have been going through as stress is one of the main triggers along with cold. If my head becomes cold or a chilly breeze across the face this will then trigger a cluster attack and cause me agonising pain. I was started on amitriptyline a while ago and saw a huge decrease in the amount of attacks i was getting on a daily basis but this started to conflict with the methadone and started to cause me withdrawal symptoms so we had to reduce the dose. Thankfully the attacks didn't return and stayed at a low rate for quite some time but i had to stop the tablets all together as i was having problems with the hernia and had to take domperidone tablets to help food and drink to stop trapping. The domperidone tablets conflict with the amitriptyline and i was becoming very ill due to this conflict until the doctor realised and stopped the one tablet. Thankfully the amount of attacks i get are still staying low but unfortunately i am still having to deal with them on a daily basis and now they are reduced it is very difficult to guess when an attack will happen so it makes my personal treatment very difficult as i have to plan as if an attack could happen at any moment making living life difficult again.
I have managed to get out and do some fishing just lately with my best friend Brian Chandler. We decided to join one of the syndicate lakes close to where i live and i really enjoyed getting out doing the thing i love the most , fishing. Now that i am back home again i felt really good the first couple of days back and then the depression started to take hold again as again i started to feel trapped in the flat and the sore skin and sore eyes are taking its toll on me. Appointments at the hospital have started to come trough and i have 3 in the next few weeks all for different things. The hernia has also stated to become more problematic again and i am getting a stinging pain just below the heart and when it comes it really scares me. I know its the hernia but that still doesn't make a difference and i have to rub my chest and massage the area to get the hernia to move and stop hurting so bad. I am still waiting on another endoscopy so they can see just how bad it has got. I have noticed certain foods like white bread or chocolate cause the hernia to play up and give me a lot of pain so i am starting to be careful with what i eat. I am wondering if the skin rashes and itching or crawling sensation isn't down to the hernia and it has now started to cause me other problems but only the doctors will know this and its a horrible waiting game to find anything out. I really hope they get to the bottom of these problems soon as i just don't know how much more i can take. All i want to do is get out and go fishing again so we are planning to get out in a couple of weeks. I don't care how ill i am i will still go as i would rather suffer on the lake side doing something i love than being stuck indoors suffering.
