Again the beast has decided to return and wake me in the early hours with yet more attacks. This time the attack was so strong that even the injection had very little effect on it and i ended up having to ride out the pain for well over an hour. It was so bad that the ringing i get in the ears became so loud that it over powered the TV and i couldn’t hear a thing (apart from the loud ringing of course). Also the amount of sweat that was pouring off me was crazy and i had to change my top twice in a mater of a few minuets. I don’t remember that last time i had one this strong but it scared the hell out of me and ii actually thought my time was up and this attack was going to be the one that finished me off.
You may think i am silly thinking that way but when you get so much pain and nothing seems to help or stop it you honestly believe that the body can’t take much more and that it will eventually give up. Thankfully it stopped just as quick as it started and now i just have a sore neck and a feeling like i have dirt stuck between the joints in the neck and every time i move my head it just grinds away. It’s such a shame they have come back so violently as i have had a few days with out any attacks just the pain in the back from this unknown lump that seems to be pressing on the nerves and causing the left side of the body to experience cramps, pain and numbness.
Again i am still waiting for the appointment for the scan to see what the lump is and why it is giving me so much trouble and also the appointment for the endoscopy to find out what is going on when i eat and drink and get things trapped when i try and swallow. I am also awaiting an appointment to see my specialist and every time i ring to try and talk to him or see if he is available i am told he is busy or not in and i have to leave a message but i am starting to wonder whether he is actually getting my messages. I don’t know what else to go. I can’t go to A & E as all they do is tell me they can’t treat me as it is an on going investigation and just to go home and take my pain killers. Little do they know i don’t take pain killers and have to ride the pain until it stops or eases off.
I have been feeling a bit better over the last couple of weeks and my energy is no longer draining. What was causing the drain i haven’t a clue but i am grateful that it has stopped and has allowed me to return to a semi normal life again and i can move around all be it in pain. The strange weather we have been having seems to also be effecting my condition as when the rain comes it starts to play up the head even though it is warm. he humidity also gets to me so i tend to stay indoors most of the time but i am going to have to put a stop to this as its starting to drive me crazy. I have been given a chance to go fishing with some of the beast and most professional fishing tackle i could ever dream of having after winning an online competition so i have to get out and do some fishing i think.
There's no point in letting the equipment just sit there so i am planning o go and have a good few days specimen fishing before the end of the month and then maybe plan a trip to France either next year or the year after. This is something to look forwards to. It’s been a long time since i started to thing about my future and actually plan things and feel that i can look forwards to something special. Its a good thing and means that i am now coming to terms with my condition and no longer giving in to the depression. For the first time in years i actually feel positive and am looking forwards to getting out and doing some fishing and also meeting new people and making new friends. It’s about time!!
