All over the bank holiday i have been suffering not only from the beast and the early morning attacks but also from the lump in my back and something else which i haven’t a clue what is going on. All i know is i have blown up like a balloon and my sides are hurting. Not only this but i have been having real problems trying to go to the toilet and am unable to push anything out. When i try it just causes me agonising pain in the back and sides due to the lump i have pushing on nerves and also when anything does come out it’s like pushing toothpaste out. A bit gross to talk about i know but its really hard to pass and it causing me real problems.
On Monday it got so bad i actually though something bad was going to happen to me and i have been having night mares every night now for a week and don’t know why they are happening.It’s obvious i am worried about my health and feel that something serious is about to happen and no matter how hard i try to shake it off and try and think more positive i just can’t get rid of the problems i am having. I have been getting chest pains again on the left hand side and also feelings like my shoulder is being crushed. I am also becoming very short of breath and can’t do anything that takes a lot of energy as it drains me so quickly its ridiculous. I can’t even go to the hospital as all they do is tell me to go home and take pain killers and wont listen to what's going on with me plus i can’t go to the doctors as they seem to have the same attitude and say i have been referred for treatment and have to wait my turn and wait for the appointments but in the mean time i am getting worst and worst again.
A couple of weeks ago i started to feel better again and my strength was slowly coming back and then suddenly on Thursday i took a turn for the worst. I really don’t know what to do any more and i am scared stiff of what is going to happen to me if i can’t get help soon. It just feels like no one is listening and they just don’t want to help. If a child was this bad they would pull out all the stops to get them well but as soon as you pass a certain age its as thought they don;t want to know anymore. If i was an animal they would have put me down by now as they just wouldn’t want the poor thing to suffer the way i am suffering. I am really scared of dying for the first time in my life.
Suffering from the condition CH there has been times where i have been in so much pain i have welcomed death and also when i was really ill because of the bi-polar in me i have even attempted suicide on a few occasions and had to be admitted to hospital for my own protection but this was all down to not knowing what was happening to me. No i have been diagnosed with the condition CH i can understand more of what is going on but these other health issues have started to over take the condition i suffer. Not only is it making me feel low and depressed but its also making me feel desperate and i am scared of myself. I know how stupid my own mind can become when i drop into a depressive state and i don’t want to become like that again, all i want is some answers and the pain to stop as it is just constant and every day now.
I thought having CH and it not being curable was bad enough and having to suffer up to 8 attacks every day was just torture but now the attacks have reduced in number and i am getting more pain free periods these other health issues have now come to the front and are causing havoc with my body. I need to get help quickly but don’t know who to turn to and who to talk to as no one seems to want to help. God Help me!
