Yet again i have been woken by the beast in the early hours. This time the attack didn’t come on naturally like usual but was actually started from the lump in my lower back causing me pain right up the left side of my body and into my neck. This aggravated my condition and eventually set off a massive attack. I don’t know why it is causing me so many problems and why i have been so ill over the last few months. This year has been to worst year i have had when it comes to my health. I have been so unlucky and have had so many different things happen to me i just can’t keep up with it all. The year started out great with new medication taking effect and me seeing that all my debts were sorted out and becoming a bit more financially stable releasing a lot of stress and worry. Then i went and won a massive fishing competition getting me all the tackle i could ever dream of having and it was at that point everything started to take a turn for the worst with my health. I wasn’t even able to go out and use the new gear i had won.
I still have a lump in the lower left of my back that is causing so many problems and pain its just crazy and still have around 5 or 6 weeks before i will get an appointment. I am still getting food trapped and liquid when i swallow and almost chokes me. Why it does it we still don’t know and i was referred for an endoscopy about 3 or 4 months ago and we are still waiting for a date for the procedure to be done so they can find out what is going on. It’s crazy the amount of time you have to wait in order to get seen or have treatment. By the time they get round to seeing me and sorting it out and am afraid its going to be too late and permanent damage will be done. Just lately i have been really ill and put on antibiotics yet i have had the feeling that i am being poisoned and my skin keeps on becoming sore and stings as though the poison is trying to come out of the skim paws. I have also been swelling up in the stomach and just under the chest, i have 2 wind or water pockets that also cause pain as it pushes up into the chest. I don’t know why all this is happening to me and it seems like the doctors aren’t interested. I am going to have to make another appointment today to see the doctor urgently as i became even worst over the weekend yet again.
I am really getting fed up with all the problems i am having and no matter how many times i see a doctor and complain they just send me away and give me tablets to take that don’t do anything and i still end up with the same problem suffering every day. Pain has become my constant partner and i am even dreaming of death. It’s not good to think that way especially when you suffer with bi-polar and even when you only suffer it mild depression can suddenly take over your life and make you feel that it isn’t worth living any more. I am so close to that feeling at the moment as i just can’t seem to get the help that i so desperately need. I have tried everything to make myself well again, i have changed my diet and started to eat healthily even though its the most expensive way of eating. I have made sure i don’t do things that can cause my condition to play up and i have been taking my medication religiously but still i am suffering and can’t seem to get myself well again. As i am sat here typing i can feel my skin slowly getting sore as i start to feel poisoned once again and don’t know why it is happening. I am honestly scared and don’t understand why no one will help me even when i tell them how bad i am its a case of take some pain killers and tablets and off you go home to suffer even more.
