It seems like i am having attacks every morning just lately and i suspect it has something to do with the frosty mornings i have been waking up to at 3 or 4 am every morning. My eyes open wide and i don’t even feel tired and within seconds of sitting up in bed the attack begins to build. The sweat starts to pour off me like someone has switched on a tap and soaks my clothes and its at that point i realise i am about to have a big attack. The pain shoots from the top of the jaw, behind the eye and back out over the top of the head on the left side following the path of the scar that i have from when i had my head split open all those years ago. I rush into the living room and take my injection and then sit holding my head praying to god for the injection to work and stop the on coming pain.
No matter how many attacks i have i just can’t seem to get used to the level of pain it brings and every time it seems like the attacks are getting stronger and more painful than before, if that is at all possible. The injection can take up to ten minuets before it kicks in and starts to work so i end up having to go through the first part of the attack no matter what and that is bad enough. When the attacks are really bad they can over power the injection completely and i end up having to ride out the pain for an hour and a half and sometimes even longer. I am grateful i now have the injections as i don’t know how i would have survived if i hadn’t found the right consultant who diagnosed my condition.
I had the Doctor from the ATOS group come out to do a full medical assessment the other day for the social for being on the sick. I think he wasn’t expecting me to be so ill and have so many different things going on with me. He didn't give a clue as the the decision he was making but advised me to keep all documentation and appointments and if i get any questionnaires from the social for my ESA i am to attack as much info as is possible and this may stop them having to do the assessment in the first place. Its crazy the amount of people who are genuinely sick and have been taken off the ESA and been told they have to sign on and seek work. I am hoping they don’t do that to me as i just wouldn’t be able to go and sign on and would have my money stopped and end up loosing my flat and the little security i have.
Fingers crossed all will be well and after 2 weeks when they make the decision they will see how ill i am and leave me alone for a while so i can concentrate on trying to get myself a little better and even get out a bit more and go fishing as i have been having withdrawals. I love my fishing but last year i was so bad i only managed to get out a couple of times and even then i ended up having to quit early as i was just in too much pain and suffering. This year i really intend on making up for lost time and can’t wait for the weather to warm up a few degrees so i can start and get back out on the bank side. I have some good friends that will be coming with me this year and we plan to visit quite a few new venues so it should be real fun. At least i will be able to get back out in the sun and fresh air as being locked indoors all the time is really getting to me and my depression is worst than ever but i know it will start to improve as soon as i start going out again.
One thing on the positive side is the decrease in the amount of attacks i am now getting. After all the trial and error with different medication and having allergic reactions that felt as though it was going to kill me i think we have finally found a medication that helps with the attacks. The Sodium Valproate i am taking seems to stop the attacks from building and has halved the amount i now get during a day. I used to have up to 9 on a bad day with around 3 or 4 on a good day. Now i am averaging 2 or 3 daily with my worst being 4 or 5 during a 24 hour period. Keeping the attacks down to around 2 means i am able to abort the attacks with the 2 injections i am allowed and it also means i can get on with normal things during the day but have to take the other conditions i am suffering from into account and take things easy still.
The Hiatus Hernia is still causing me a lot of problems and a lot of swelling below my chest and in my stomach. I am finding i can’t eat big meals anymore as i end up in a lot of pain and discomfort. I now have to snack at meal times but eat more regular to make up for it. My appetite isn’t good anyway due to the depression and not feeling like eating all the time but i force myself to at least eat 3 times a day even if its just something small. I make sure i drink plenty of fluids but no over do it as i don’t need a problem with retaining water added to the list of problems. My bowels are still having major problems from the amount of medication i am on and the side effect from that medication can sometimes be bad.
I get tingling in my arms and legs and seem to blow up and swell with a lot of wind every now and again. My mood is all over the place and i am up and down like a yoyo. I will have to see the doctor again this month and see if there is something we can do about the side effects of the medication just to make it a little easier to bare. I am also getting a lot of chest pains on the left side again and believe it is down to the nerve or the lump in my back next to the spine causing pressure on the nerves giving me shooting pains up the back and across my chest. Even though i know it must be the nerves i still feel scared that it could be my heart and worries me a lot of the time.
