Again i have been having early morning attacks and continued shadows during the daytime resulting in late night attacks also. I don’t know what has brought them on so bad or why they are playing up like this. This time of year my attacks do become less and i get longer periods of being pain free in between bouts of attacks. I have been on medication as from the end of last year and should be seeing a result of that medication and thought the reductions i were getting were as a result of the Pregabilin but suddenly i am getting worst again. I am hoping its just a bad bout and will then start to return to its normal cycle and the reductions in attacks continue. All i know is at the moment they have become bad and to start getting constant shadows during the day and the fact they are lasting all day long takes me back to when they are at their worst normally in winter time.
It seems i have to go all day with my neck feeling like i have been throttled and now have a lump stuck in the side of my neck. A constant feeling of pressure on the left side of my head making my eye shut slightly and look drooped compared to the rest of my face. A constant fear of having a big attacks and not being able to go anywhere as it will surely bring on an attack, even the slightest of winds blowing into your eye is enough to set of an attack when your head feels like this.
When an attack appears its not just a build up to pain, its pain at its maximum level right from the first second and can last over an hour. Your eve feels like it has been burnt out with a hot poker and now they are scraping your scull and brain with the sharp point of that poker. A feeling as if something is trying to burst out of the side of your head. Nothing you can do will stop the pain all you can do is bare the beast and ride the pain smashing your head hoping it will stop soon. Praying for god to end it all to take you peacefully and not to have to suffer the pain before death.
To go through one attack is bad enough but to have to endure several in a day just drains your body and no matter how much you try and put it to one side in your mind you just can’t, its always there, a shadow hanging over you for the remainder of your life slowly draining away your energy and your soul. Your entire quality of life jumps from 100% to 0% in a matter of moments all down to a condition you just don’t understand and can’t control.
It’s not long now until i see my specialist again so i am hoping that there is another medication we can try other than the Verapamil tablets due to them causing me so many problems and it now looks like i must be allergic to something in their make up. Its only through trial and error you end up finding out these things. lets hope he can find something that does agree with me and can help keep the beast asleep. If i could get past the early morning wake up calls all the time i think half the battle would have been won. It drains your energy not having a regular sleeping pattern and not being able to rest properly. Its like a never ending circle as you stress from tiredness and make the attacks worst due to stress being a trigger and then you end up with lack of sleep also making you tired and stress. You have to try and stop the cycle somewhere!
