Yet again i have been woken by the beast at 4am this morning. Not only the beast but also my neck as i woke and moved my head my neck cracked violently about 4 or 5 times sending a massive jolt through my whole body. It’s crazy how the neck seems to control almost everything in the body, if you have a problem in the neck you feel it in almost ever other joint. Not only am i suffering from the beasts attacks i am also suffering from what ever is causing my food and drink to trap in my chest all the time.
I was sent to the hospital for blood tests and they were more than useless sending me home and telling me to take my pain killers leaving me in a state and in pain. I am feeling so weak its unreal and scary i actually feel as though death is knocking on my door and could come at any time. I am getting breathing problems and i can hardly eat or drink. I rang the doctor yesterday and all she was interested in is what they did at the hospital and said she will arrange for me to have a full bloods work up and test to see if there is something else going on. Yet she didn’t give me an appointment or tell me when i am supposed to give bloods.
I am starting to believe i have an ulcer or tear and that is causing all the problems when i try and eat or drink. It also explains why when the neurologists prescribe me new medication i am suddenly becoming ill all the time. It is probably the medication setting off the ulcer or making what ever damage i have even worst. I am praying to god they will find something soon or come to my aid and help me as i feel as though i have been left home to rot and die. I have never felt so ill. I thought being diagnosed with the condition CH was bad enough and to be told there is no cure for it was a kick in the head. Then to go through all the different medications and have bad side effects was really getting me down. No matter how hard i try to make the doctors listen they just don’t want to know.
It is all down to me becoming addicted to pain killers, morphine and heroin. This is when i didn’t know what was happening to me and all i wanted was pain relief all the time. As i became a “drug addict”, in their eyes i am sure they believe that everything i say is just to get more drugs off them but the truth of the matter is i don’t want any more drugs or pain killers as all it does it make me ill. I want the problem sorted not hidden by stupid strong pain killers it just doesn’t make sense. As i was put on methadone to help get off all the drugs years ago i have been on the same dose for a while and they are scared to reduce me off it as it is acting as pain relief and could make my attacks worst. Well i told the doctor the last time i saw her that i want off the crap as i can’t put up with the stigma that comes with it all the time. It’s because i am on the methadone i believe i am not getting the treatment that i urgently need.
When i first met the neurologists and my specialist i thought i had been given a new chance of life and they would eventually sort things out but i am slowly starting to believe that the hospital itself is useless as all they care about is if its life or death emergencies. No body seems to want to help me. When i was there having the blood tests and explained the lack of strength draining me when i walk short distances or try and do anything they asked me what else was going on. When i explained about the food trapping and liquid all they said was they can’t help me with that as its an on going investigation and i am still in the cue for an endoscopy to try and find out what is going wrong. OK i can understand that and agree with them that if it isn’t a emergency then i shouldn’t have to take up a bed but when someone cant even walk down the stairs with out collapsing this to me is an emergency and is not right that i have been left in this state. If anything happens to me i have instructed my mother to sue them. I am already trying to make a complaint about the treatment i have received but every time i try and talk to someone they fob me off and tell me that the person i need to speak to isn't available. I just don’t know what else i can do.
I am praying to god that i start to feel a little better if i get plenty of rest but i have found myself waking up every couple of hours with pains in my chest and my heart thumping so hard it feels like it is coming out of my chest. There is definitely something wrong with my body but what it is i haven’t got a clue i can only guess as i am not qualified to diagnose myself. All i know is that i know my own body and i can feel there is something drastically wrong. Not only do i become weak but also break out in sweats and find it hard even to go to the toilet. Its really getting to me and i feel i have no where to turn to. What’s going to happen next? God only knows…
