Another early morning start and a wake up call from the beast leaving me in agony once again. Not only do i get the usual attack with agonising pain from behind the left eye and over the top of the head into the neck but i am also getting it through the entire left side of my body. This is due to all the other problems i have going on at the moment and believe me when i say it is scary. When i went to bed last night i had so much pain in the back it was just crazy i have never felt anything like it. At one point it actually felt as though i was loosing all movement in the left side and when i tried to lift my left arm or raise my left leg it was really difficult and took a lot of concentration and energy just to move them slightly.
Thankfully the feeling returned to the left side of the body during the early hours and i managed to get a couple of hours sleep until the beast decided to wake me up with a full on attack resulting in me being awake all night and all morning. It’s bad enough that my energy gets drained when i am trying to do things but when you are also knackered due to the lack of sleep every thing seems to be a lot worst than it actually is. I am just praying all this pain will ease a little soon and that the lump in my back will stop causing me so much trouble but i have my doubts. Until they sort it out i think i am going to be suffering like this for a while. It is just under 2 weeks before i am able to see my doctor again and i really don’t know if i will be able to ride the pain until then.
When i eat or drink i am still getting food trap on the way down and then almost choke me until it finally pops as it then passes through. What is causing all this i don’t know but until i have the endoscopy i won’t be able to sort anything out or get the treatment i so urgently need. It is crazy that the hospital won’t treat you on an emergency basis unless it is a risk to you and could cause death. I really don’t want to end up that bad and would rather they sort it now rather than wait until i become so bad that it will end up an emergency procedure. I would have thought being in agony all the time and not able to move around properly or walk anywhere with out your energy almost making you pass out as it drains so quickly would be enough for them to say it needs to be sorted now. Unfortunately they are so busy at the hospital that you have to go on a waiting list just to have the procedure done and it can take weeks or months before they call you in. I just pray i won;t have to wait that long.
There has been a few times that i have been so scared that i actually thought i was going to die and i have been in so much pain that at times i would have welcomed death. It is crazy that someone should end up feeling this way and is bad enough that i have to contend with the condition CH with out the rest of the problems adding to the stress and worry all the time. I am trying my hardest to keep a positive attitude and stay calm no matter how bad the pain gets but there is a limit to how much a person can take. It doesn’t help that we are having a heat wave at the moment as the hot, humid weather is causing me to feel constantly uncomfortable. Also having constipation because of medication and pain killers makes you feel even worst again and i have had to stop taking the pain killers as you shouldn’t take them for such a long time. The maximum they say is 3 days before addiction takes hold and they expect me to stay on them for 2 weeks suffering like i am…. i don’t think so!
