Unfortunately i only managed a pain free break of 5 days as i was again woken by the beast this morning with an attack from hell. Just to remind me of how painful this condition is. The pain this morning just kept on increasing no matter what i tried. The injection failed to work and no amount of massaging or rubbing was going to stop this attack. Normally when i massage my head it helps to ease the pain but this time it wasn’t. All it did do was aggravate it to the maximum and make the attack feel even worst than it already was.
The beast actually woke me at 2am this morning but the attacks lasted just over an hour and by the time i got back into bed i was exhausted and couldn’t hardly move my back. The pain i was getting in the middle of my shoulders, because of the head, was making my eyes water constantly. No matter what position i laid in or sat in i couldn’t get comfortable or stop the pain in the back. It was about 7 am this morning when the back pain finally eased off enough for me to get comfortable, but by that time i was already wide awake. So any chance of getting back to sleep was gone, and yet again i have been up all morning trying to deal with pain.
I have to take comfort in the fact that i know the doctors and specialists are trying every thing they can and investigating all areas including my back to see if they can find out what is causing it to be so bad all the time. I remember when i only used to have the attacks every month or every couple of months. When i used to think it was just migraines and i would eat as many pain killers as i could get my hands on, to get rid of the pain, but nothing seemed to work. Back in them days at least the attacks were only once in a while and not every day like they are now.
I am hoping with the change in the weather and more warmer fronts coming I will get a lot more pain free periods and they should last longer than just a few days. I used to get weeks in between attacks instead of days so i am hoping to go back to a time like that. If i can get them only to appear once in a while then i can live with the condition if it is manageable with the medication i am now on. I don’t mind having to live with these attacks as long as i am the one in control and not the attacks. It makes me mad sometimes when i only get a couple of days break and then i am back to attack after attack. It makes me feel like i am being punished for something i have done in my younger years or a past life, but surely no one should be punished and left in this much pain all the time, its crewel to let anything suffer in such a way.
If a dog had this condition or another animal i am sure we wouldn’t leave it in pain all the time and would eventually put it to sleep rather than let it suffer. And NO i don’t want to be put to sleep, i just want a way of controlling and stopping the attacks. Something that works better than these injections as i can only have two in a 24 hour period and sometimes i can get 8 or 10 attacks in a day. Ok only 3 or 4 will be massive attacks that i would normally use the injection for as the others would be smaller and more manageable and i am able now to ride out the pain of the smaller attacks.
The only way i can describe the difference between a small attack and a big one is that a large attack is like having your legs and arms cut off slowly with a blunt saw and no pain relief or anaesthesia would be used and no pain killer will stop the pain. The smaller attacks are like having tooth ache and can be ignored with the help of an anti inflammatory pain killer. Both of the attacks seem to leave my back in agony and both end up making me walk funny and constantly get shooting pains up and down the spine.
I can only assume it is because of the damaged nerve and as the nerve swells up in the head it must be swelling in the base of my neck and at the top of my spine. This will in turn make the other nerves in the spine tender and that is why i get the pain down the back. The pain at the top of the spine between the shoulders and in the neck is from the head attacks but the pain at the bottom of the spine and when i walk is from something else. Until i go and see the back pain specialist i won’t know what is causing it and just hope as the warmer temperatures come with nicer weather this will improve and i won’t be in so much pain all the time. I am hoping it is nothing serious and can be dealt with by means of medication and physiotherapy.
Well for now all i can do is try not to move around too much and hope the pain stays away for the rest of the day. The sun is shining outside even though the weather is feeling cold and the forecast doesn’t look like it is going to warm up till the weekend. There is a fishing match on Sunday at one of the local lakes being held by my local club Llanrumney Angling Club, which i am a member off, so i should try and show face and go and fish the match. I can only do this if my head starts to behave and the weather isn’t too cold. Fingers crossed as it means i will get to go fishing again. I don’t know why i have fallen in love with fishing so badly this time around. I know i loved it when i was younger and would make any excuse to go when in the summer holidays, but never imagined i would be doing it again i my late 30’s and early 40’s.
Fishing seems to calm me down and take my mind off all my worries. It really does have a strange effect on me, as when i get my the lake side and start to think about water craft and how i am going to catch the fish, all the pain in my back and neck seems to ease away and i don’t even get a twinge in my head. If i move to suddenly or try and lift a heavy weight then yes, i do get shooting pains up the back and pain in the base of the back. But if i sit still and relax in my chair, whilst fishing, all the pains go away. It helps me relax and is enjoyable at the same time.
By the end of a days fishing i feel shattered and when i get home i am guaranteed a good nights sleep. The only trouble is as son as i finish fishing and head home the aches and pains start to slowly appear again and remind me that i am suffering from CH and how painful the condition really is.
