So far so good! I was expecting to be in agonising pain and have constant attacks when the cold winter months began but so far i have been very lucky. Medication seems to be keeping the small attacks at bay and when the larger ones do decide to pay me a visit, if i can’t abort them with the injection, they tend to last a shorter period of time compared to what they used to be like. I still have massive ones and i still get the long lasting attacks but not as often as they were.
I have just booked another appointment with my doctor to ask that they now continue with the increase in the amount of medication i am taking as my depression has now stabilised and i have stopped yo-yoing. It is very difficult to know whether it is the medication causing it or it is just my bi-polar disorder playing up again. Ever since i came back to the UK in the millennium my bi-polar has been causing me major problems. I have had more periods being down and depressed than i have had high periods. The low periods can get so bad that you feel suicidal and can’t see anything positive in your life. Having the attacks all the time and shutting myself away has also had its effect on me and i find myself feeling alone all the time and not wanting to be anywhere where there are crowds of people. Even visiting friends is off the menu as you just can’t bring yourself into going out the front door and end up turning around and staying home instead.
You would think after suffering such a condition all your life you would be able to control it by now, but even with all the little tricks i have learnt over the years and making sure i stick to routines i still find myself overwhelmed when the low periods start and i end up just falling apart and find myself not coping. I have to admit depression is one illness that no one really understands and i wonder if anything can really be done to get rid of it. I find the medication i take is the only thing that brings me back to a normal level but even that isn’t enough when i get my worst days. For now i am just thankful of the medication and hope these depressed days will soon solve themselves as i get the medication right for dealing with the CH and attacks.
At least today i have seemed to have settled. I don’t have any sign of a shadow and apart from an attack earlier this morning when walking over to my mothers, i am sure the wind set it off as it was blowing straight into my left eye and was quite cold, I haven’t really had anymore signs of attacks building so i am hoping it could be the start of another pain free period and i will get a couple of days where i can catch up with things i have just put off because i have been too bad to deal with them.
