After having the shadow for most of yesterday i was very surprised not to have a full blown attack. Normally when i get the shadow, as strong as it was yesterday, i end up having several big attacks but this time i was lucky and didn’t even get one. Either the medication is working or the fact that i have been drinking loads of coffee the last few days has helped in avoiding the massive attacks. I can’t say for sure what has stopped them from developing, all i know is they didn’t start and i am thankful for that.
I managed a nice lay in this morning till around 8.30am but was then woken with a small attack. Not as painful as the main attacks but enough to make my neck sore and my walking painful as i get shooting pains down the back into the bottom of my spine. Each time i take a step is like walking on thousands of needles. My normal pain killers added with around 20minuets of oxygen soon took care of that and am now feeling pain free. I can still feel the cold feeling around my head but not enough to irritate it so fingers crossed it stays like this for the remainder of the day. the shadow feeling has become so dull its hardly noticeable so i am hoping this is a sign of a pain free period as i could do with a couple of days just to recharge my batteries.
My depression has been all over the place recently and i have been yoyo-ing when it comes to my feelings. One minuet i can take on the world and fight anything and the next moment its the end of the world. As you can imagine this has completely messed up my feelings and i have been finding it hard to cope with everyday tasks that i would normally laugh at! It is only the last couple of days this has started to improve so i am hoping i am coming to the end of a “down” period and things will start to look a little more positive.
Again i have been shutting myself away from the world, not going out due to fear of having attacks all the time. I even went shopping to Tesco’s which is only 10 minuets walk away from me but for some reason i started to panic and ran home just to be in the safety of my flat. Why i suddenly panicked i am not sure and can only assume its the depression causing it.
I need to find things to take my mind off my illness. The computer gives me some relief as i find things to do and type up information for my computer help web page, but not always am i in the mood or even capable of using the computer as i can’t concentrate or sit for a period of time when i am in a bad period with the depression i find it very hard.
Now that the cold weather is hear i have even stopped going fishing in fear of having too many attacks being brought on by the cold. I am thinking about doing some winter fishing as the only thing stopping me is “the cold & rain” so i am sure if my head is improving and i am not getting as many attacks as i normally do and my depression is settling , if i wrap up warm and stay out of the rain then i should be ok. I will just have to choose the days carefully and watch the weather.
Well i will have to wait to do some more fishing when i am a bit better off. I cant believe the prices of day tickets today! Between £6 and £10 depending on where you fish, God i remember when i was younger and it was only £2.50 for children and £3 for adults, wow what a change! Anyway i am starting to ramble on so lets hope my head continues to improve and the shadows stay away today and the attacks don’t appear. At least its a step in the right direction.
