Well i managed to stay relatively pain free yesterday. I did have a small attack towards the evening but it only lasted about 5 minuets and then it was gone. I thought the cold would have set off loads of attacks. When i walked over to my mothers house i could feel the icy wind blowing against my face and in my eye and was convinced i was going to get an attack but nothing came. This has now got me more convinced than ever that the medication is starting to work slowly. OK i know i do get days where the slightest feeling of pressure on the head or the neck will set off attacks for the whole day or even the cold getting to the face will also start them to build but usually when we have bad weather or cold i am in agony and the amount of attacks i get are just beyond a joke but this year has been so different.
I am not having anywhere close to the amount of attacks i was getting last year or the year before but i will admit the big attacks when they come do seem to be stronger this year for some reason. I have to be thankful for the reduction as i don’t think i would have been able to manage another year with the level of attacks being so high all through the winter. I am so glad i now have the injections witch help me to abort the big attack when they come and the help of the tablets that are slowly helping to stop the attacks from building in the first place and hopefully over time will put them into remission completely.
My head has been all over the place the last couple of days as my mother is very ill at the moment and is being rushed into hospital today as they need to act fast to see what is causing the problems but it is looking like she will have to have a kidney removed. This has all happened so fast, she was only having a scan the other day and now she is on her way to hospital for a major operation. They have also found a lump or shadow on her kidney so they are moving very quickly in case it is something worst. I am praying that this is not the case and that the worst they have to do is remove the kidney due to failure as long as the other one is fine. My brother and I have both agreed if she needs another kidney we would both be willing to give one of ours in the case that it is needed.
The problem i have been getting with my head seems so small compared to what is going on with my mum at the moment so i am feeling a bit ashamed of myself. Sometimes i wonder if i put too much stress on my mum with all the attacks i get all of the time. The constant battle for pain relief and the constant worry all the time can’t be good for her or any person come to think of it. I know it has worn me down over time, all the stress and worry all the time, wondering how many more attacks can i go through and if, when they are bad, it is the attack that will finish me off. I know its sounds stupid but sometimes i feel like these attacks will eventually kill me, even though the specialist assures me its not the case, there is something inside me that tells me different.
That's enough of the doom and gloom for today as i want to stay on the positive side and am praying for my mum to pull through. I know she is a strong lady and has always been like it but a couple of prayers wouldn’t hurt! Fingers crossed i will have better news and be in a better mood tomorrow.
