Its not until you have been sat in extreme pain for an hour you realise how much punishment the human body can take. You wonder at what point the body will just give up as it can’t take any more pain. I know through experience, and having passed out a few times, that there IS a limit to what you can take. I wasn’t out for long, a few seconds i believe, similar to fainting i am assuming. When you come around after those few seconds your head feels like it is about to explode and throbs for a few moments and then you get that horrible metallic taste in your mouth when you swallow. Its at that point you realise you have fainted or passed out. Its also when you notice you are curled on the floor in pain when you were originally standing massaging your head and the moment when you realise you can’t remember how you got to the floor.
I have to be honest, although i have been getting some very nasty attacks just lately, the smaller of the attacks have seemed to have decreased in the amount i get in a day. Where i would get 8 or 10 attacks a day and 4 or 5 would be huge ones and the rest small, just lately i have been getting 1 or 2 big attacks a day and only a couple of smaller ones. As it now stands i can normally abort the attack with an injection and am allowed two a day at a push. If the attacks stay low i will be able to deal with them no problem and maybe start to live a bit of a normal life again.
My medication is about to go up again soon so maybe it is having an effect (my fingers and toes are crossed and i pray it is working) on the number of attacks i am having on a daily basis. The breaks i normally get between episodes used to last around a week or two but just lately they are only lasting a few days. I think this is now due to the weather getting colder and more low pressure. So it must be irritating what ever it is that causes these attacks. If i can keep the amount of attacks low, i should be able to cope by taking precautions this winter and wrapping up when i need to.
Also being Bi-polar and having up periods and low periods don’t help one bit. Starting up fishing and going on trips with my mother and step farther really helped me and kept me on an up for a while whilst i was trying to come to terms with the fact of my illness and diagnosis of being an “Official Head Banger”, suffering CH. when the lows kick in though, it is very hard to see the positive side of anything and trying to cope with the most silliest of tasks becomes almost impossible and u just break down in bits. i am just grateful at the moment for these web sites and blogs as it is something to keep me occupied so i don't end up on a self pity trip.
Something else that has been bothering me, and it wasn’t until i started this blog i noticed, is that ever since these attacks became daily my memory is going all to pots and my eyesight has become bad. These attacks are definitely having an effect on me as i can see the slight droop on the left hand side of the face has become a little more noticeable, the swelling on my head is now permanent where the scar is. I am forgetting days, not just little things but complete days are a mystery to me. Also memories have become more like dreams than actual memories as i can no longer picture certain things in my head as i used to from time back. Its a strange feeling really but it also could be just age as i am only 1 year away from the big 40 (well they say that's when life begins, i blooming hope so) and still young enough to enjoy life!
Well that's it for now. Fingers crossed that this medication starts working and along with the other treatment that they have planned i get to the bottom of this illness and get it under control. The day is advertised to be clear today so i am hoping the shadow will disappear and i get a couple of pain free days.
