Again i am woken up at 3am, not by an attack mind you, but just waking up at 3am and not being able to get back to sleep. I don't feel at all tired and any trying to get back to the land of nod results in me just tossing and turning in bed for ages until i decide just to get up.
Its funny how the body gets used to the little things like waking up early every morning.I just realised something whilst turning on the heating to warm the flat up, could it be the cold that is actually waking me up? It wouldn’t surprise me if that's was the cause of my early morning calls all the time. I know my condition is irritated by the cold and i always end up having really bad days after getting a chill to the head. I also know that when i am having pain free days it can still be set off by a cold chill blowing against the side of my face. I do try and take every precautions when it comes to keeping my head warm lately especially now that winter is drawing in.
Lets just hope this pain free period continues for a couple more days. I am going down town later this morning to pick up my new fishing equipment. It crazy how i have become addicted to the sport, twice in one lifetime, and this time round its even worst. I find myself wanting to go fishing almost every day and given the chance i would. Maybe i find it easier to deal with the attacks when i am more relaxed, as if i get an attack whilst out fishing i just crawl into my dome (an umbrella with sides, like a small tent) take my injection and wait for it to work, it helps being hidden from sight as you don’t feel like everyone is watching what is happening. It doesn't bother me as much having an attack when i am out fishing like it does when i am out in town. There is nothing worst than having a massive attack when you are in the middle of town. I start to panic and all i want to do is be home, where i am safe and out of site of people.
I had my bi-annual review with the CAU Team yesterday, to see how i was doing with my addictions, taking so many tablets doesn’t help my situation one bit. I have a new shared care nurse now, who i met for the first time yesterday, Louise. She is very pleasant and seems understanding and very patient. I had to explain my situation right from the beginning again and it wasn’t until i told my story that it all hit home and i burst into tears. I don't know where they came from but being bi-polar it just happens like that. I cant count the number of times i have just burst into tears for no reason, even when i am feeling fine.
Well things are looking up at the moment and am starting to waffle on. Its not until you read back through all these blogs that you realise the roller coaster of feelings that you are getting. I suppose its only to be expected with this kind of illness. I am so glad i actually started writing this blog just over a month ago as i feel getting my feelings off my chest and down on paper has helped me a lot in dealing and coming to terms with what ever is happening to me.
