Another wake up call at 4am with extreme pain was the start of the day again today. Mind you i am not surprised after last night, it was the first night i actually said to myself “Winters here! ,Early!”, the nights are getting cold and dropping in temperature so much that i can detect it with the top of my head.
I know it sounds strange but i get a chill on the top of my head if the weather is cold, this chill is like a trigger for my attacks and i have been able to detect the drops in temperature at night ever since my CH started a few years back. I was also surprised with myself yesterday as my depression started to play up again! I know i suffer with bi-polar disorder, but this was never a problem until i returned to the UK from Cyprus.
The depression side of the mood swings are usually controlled by my medication and is only an issue if i stop taking my medicine. The last time i stopped i ended up back in hospital so i don't want to do that, and have been very good making sure it doesn't happen again. I do get the “up” periods as the doctors call them but they are only momentary and don't last like the depressive side of my nature which seems to last for months at a time.
I was so bad the Yesterday i was walking around in my own little bubble, oblivious to the fact i had a depression period starting. I started to clean the flat and wash the dishes as one does, and left the hot water to run to fill the sink. My mind was so much in the clouds that, whilst it was filling, i got distracted by a message on the computer. I could hear the water running and it registered in my mind but just didn't seem to click that it was the tap still running. It was a few minuets before i realised, but by then it was too late, the damage was already done. The kitchen was flooded in 3 inches deep water, that was also running under the door into the living room soaking in to the carpet. “Oh My God! What have i done”, i screamed. I then immediately sat on the floor placed my head into my hands and burst into tears (after turning of the tap of course). I was in a rite state.
I must have been upset all night, as even after i managed to clear the water, by using loads of towels and dirty clothes to soak up the water and then place them in washing machine to drain, i still collapsed in a gibbering heap on the sofa and began again to cry. It wasn’t until i had another head attack that i snapped out of it and began concentrating on the attacks once again. I don't know why this depression kicked in this time, i can only suggest that its due to all the early mornings and no sleep that is tiring me all the time.
I have had a few episodes of depression kick in lately and i am not sure why they are doing it. I think this is one of the reasons why i have become so addicted to going Fishing this time round, i was bad enough when i was younger but for some reason, this time, i want to be Fishing every day!
I am just hoping the depression doesn't last long, as usually its a couple of months, and with winter now upon us, its going to be bad enough with the cold and head attacks to have to deal with depression as well! It will probably finish me off.
