Yet another 3am wake up call form the beast! It seems as the weather gets colder and the temperature drops it must always be at its lowest around 2am – 4am as that is when the worst attacks seem to appear. I do still get some during the day time but they are usually brought on because i am still in pain from the early morning attacks. Also with them being so strong and lasting for a long time i am using up my injections early leaving me with no way of aborting the attacks later in the day. The attacks are so strong at this time in the morning that it is a 50% gamble whether the injections will actually work to stop the pain. I have had times when i have had to ride out the attack anyway even when i have taken the injection and when they are that strong they scare the living daylights out of me. I sometimes believe it will be one attack too many one day and i wont be able to cope with it and will end in either a stroke or worst.
The swelling on the left side of my head is right up today and i have sharp pain over the head. This is the after effects of a strong attack and can sometimes be just as painful and lasts anything up to 4 or 5 hours. My jaw feels like it has been broken and my eye as though someone has used a hot poker to poke it out. I am getting shooting pains up my back and into the base of my neck and it feels like there is something stuck in there. I cant actually see properly out of my left eye as there is still pain and is watering slightly causing everything to blur. I sometimes wonder how much more can the human body take? What is the level of pain where it says no more? and eventually the brain shuts down?
For now all i can do is wait for the results of the scan to find out what is going on. If they turn around and say to me there is nothing there and i have to put up with this condition for the rest of my life, managed daily using drugs and injections and eventually having periods where it will go into remission so i can live some sort of normal life, then so be it! I will accept it and try and find a way of managing it. BUT!!! Something inside of me is telling me there is something there that is causing the swelling to appear. What ever it is is also for making my condition aggravated and worst than it actually should be. I accept i have damaged the nerve and now suffer CH when i had my head split open. But what ever is causing the swelling is making it way more painful than it should be.
Fingers crossed when i do eventually get the results it is something that they will be able to treat and do something about. I am praying it is not going to be bad news and that it will eventually make thins worst for me. At the moment my quality of life has slipped away and the attacks dictate everything i do. When the warmer weather changes this will change as i tend to get less attacks and more pain free periods where i can rest and recharge. I am just hoping it doesn’t continue like this constantly through the year as there is always is a risk it might, At the moment i am trying to concentrate on a up and coming holiday away down in Cornwall that my mother has planned for us and also getting my fishing gear ready for the new year. In order to help me stay calm and keep busy as not to let the attacks rule me i will be doing as much fishing as i can, this will also help getting me out of the flat so i am not shut away all the time.
At the moment all i can do is stay warm and hope i don’t get as many attacks as i did yesterday and i get a few more pain free days preferably during the Christmas break.I don’t mind putting up with a couple of painful days in exchange for 2 or 3 days at Christmas time so i can enjoy it with my family. I am still on the increase of my medication but its still early days as its a slow increase done weekly and i am only on the second week so there is no change in the effect they are having on my condition. Lets just hope things start to improve soon.
