I have managed to stay pain free until lunch time yesterday. Only 2 and a half days rest from the beast is better than none at all. One of these days i spent being so lazy just laying around on the bed watching TV drifting of to sleep and then waking when i want some food or a coffee just to lay back down again and fall asleep. I am glad i did have my lazy day as i feel re-charged and a bit more alive even though the attacks are back and as bad as ever before.
Again to be woken at 3 am this morning with the head from hell. For some reason this time i am getting a pulling sensation from the top of my head down the back into the neck. I think it is the swollen nerve that is damaged and i can now actually feel it running down my head and can follow the path and it matches the path of pain when the attacks come from. It also runs directly up to the scar on the top of my head so it shows me that is where the nerve must be damaged. If it is the nerve that is damaged as the specialist seems to agree with me then it is possible that nothing can be done about my condition and i will have to put up with these attacks unless we can find a medication that can put them to sleep, if the one i am on doesn’t eventually work. It is annoying because of the wait for the results and not knowing what is going on. It could just be a piece of bone from where the head fractured and all it requires is removing and the problem would be solved or improved, it could be something so silly but we just don’t know until we get the results.
So far this morning i have been able to ride the pain and not take my injections. I am starting to wonder if the injections are making things worst. It seems to me that if i ride the pain and put up with the attacks i get one or two and that's it, and when they are over i get a couple of days break. When i use the injections to abort an attack i then seem to get a lot more attacks during the day as well as the night and they seem to run for days after days where as if i ride them out i may have to do it for 2 maybe 3 days and then i get a break. With the injection it seems to last weeks and it seems like i am just putting of the inevitable. Saying all that, before i even had the injections they would last weeks anyway so i think the medication does have an effect on the attacks as it has reduced them but the injections delay the inevitable but are needed for when the pain is so bad it is beyond reasoning and you become suicidal (that’s why they are nicknamed “suicide headaches”).
I have to admit i have been very lucky when it comes to my condition. I have now got a group of people that support me and my family have been god sends through all of this. The doctor is following the specialists instructions to the letter, my chemist ensures i don't run out of medication or injections and automatically sorts out my repeat prescriptions so i don’t have to worry about them, CAU support team are there if i need anyone to talk to and also they monitor my medication very closely so i don’t get addicted to other pain killers etc. My mother and step father have been running me to all appointments and dragging me out of the flat to go fishing and visiting so i don’t stay locked away in my flat all the time. If it wasn’t for the team of people i now have supporting me i probably would have given up a long time ago. I owe these people a lot for all the support they have given me.
Well it’s New Years eve and i suppose that's why i have started looking back at how my condition has progressed over time and eventually become so bad i am in constant pain and agony. From thinking i was suffering with migraines or my teeth were so bad the nerve kept on becoming infected. How i would get attacks once in a while and seek out strong pain relief all the time and eventually becoming addicted to the strongest pain killers and opiates. Arguing with doctors and professionals that these attacks were real and not something just made up and over acting. Then finally getting the diagnosis and watching how key moments through out my whole life started to click into place and explained where all theses attacks and pains came from over the years.
Well the past few years have been hard and this is the first time in many years i actually feel like things are starting to happen and i may eventually put and end to this story or at least control it. Now they have done their scans and know what i have got hopefully with the right medication i will be able to put it to rest once and for all. If not at least i will be able to manage the condition with the help of the doctors and specialist so things are looking up for me. Also now that i am starting my “fishing tour” this year i am actually excited and for the first time in ages feel confident. With that in mind and my fingers crossed, that i can go fishing tomorrow as the weather is about to break, it is time to put an end to 2012 and look forward to a more positive and productive year 2013. Happy New Year!
