What a great day i had yesterday. A beautiful dinner cooked by my stepfather that was absolutely delicious. We followed dinner with a baileys bomb, baileys ice cream cake desert that was superb. I don’t normally like baileys but in the cake it tasted lush. I managed to eat nearly all my dinner and considering i have a terrible appetite now, due to the medication i am on, i thought i did really well.
I also managed to keep the attacks from appearing during the daytime. It did try to play up but a couple of painkillers, to take the edge off the neck pain, worked so it didn’t flare up until late last night after i had gone to bed. Then again this morning at 3am came another massive attack closely followed by another 2 about an hour after each other. The injections worked on the worst of the attacks so i have been lucky this morning as i thought at one point it wasn’t going to work as the attack was very strong.
At least they didn't spoil my Christmas day celebrations. That's all i wanted and thankfully was given the chance to enjoy myself for a change. When i returned home all i could do was lay on the sofa watching TV as i felt like a stuffed turkey. There was plenty on the box to keep me amused and after a few hours i was feeling so sleepy i was falling asleep as i was watching a film so i turned everything off and crawled into bed. What a brilliant day i had. I had some great presents from my mother and step farther and also my brother, who bought me a match fishing vest for when i fish the competitions during next year. I was so excited about this gift as i am looking forwards to going fishing soon and i am waiting for the bad weather to break and then i will be off fishing again. I am just hoping the attacks will ease off by then as well.
With the new year just around the corner i have been thinking of changes i would like to make and new years resolutions in order to improve my life. After many days and nights of thinking hard and at times i have wondered if thinking so hard sets off the attacks i get, but in reality i know that's not the case, i have tried to think of things that i can change that would improve the way i am living now and to be honest apart from the attacks i have been getting and wanting to fish a lot more there isn’t really many changes i want to make to my life. I have already given up taking strong pain medications and opiates in order to relieve the pain i get all the time as i ended up addicted to them and it has taken me years to get to grips with the situation and i am now on the road to recovery but believe i still have a long way to go. I have also changed the way i live and the people i hang around with as i now only tend to befriend people i think are “real” friends and not ones that are only after hand outs all the time and always tend to lead you into things that get you into trouble.
I have also change the way i am towards people and now try to help out people who need it a lot more than i used to as now i know what it is like to be disabled. To be in pain constantly and to be restricted in the daily functions you are able to do. I have a new respect for those who are ill and in need as i myself now know what a disabled person feels like as i can’t do the normal things that everyone else takes for granted. Just to be able to walk to the shops with out being scared of the attacks coming or having an attack on the way or worst to have an attack whilst in the shopping store. This has happened to me before and is very embarrassing and upsetting as you don’t want people seeing you rolling about in agony and screaming as the pain is so much. Not to be able to go out in the day because there is a cold breeze that will set off my attacks so i end up locked away all the time. Having to turn down invitations to parties and celebrations all the time because you know people don’t want someone ruining their celebration by suddenly having a bad attack in front of all their guests. Not even able to find work as trying to work under these conditions would be totally impossible. Imagine trying to explain to your boss why you could only work 1 day out of a week as the rest of the time you have been having attacks and unable to get out of the flat. I don’t think you would last very long in your job in these circumstances.
On a more cheerful note, Christmas day is over so all the stress and worry of trying to make the day special is now put to rest so we can now enjoy the seasonal celebrations. There are loads of good films on the TV to watch and it will soon be party time again with the new year celebrations less than a week away. Not that i can drink as alcohol is also a main trigger for my condition, not that it really matters as i haven’t drunk alcohol for over 10 years now and have to admit i feel a lot better for it. Why would anyone want to put themselves through the “hangovers” is beyond me. OK! YES, i used to get drunk and i would always end up with a hangover the next day but now that i have given up, the thought of having a hangover due to drinking too much makes me sick to my stomach and has now put me off drinking for life. I find it funny and amusing watching others getting drunk and fall about all over the place. That to me is just as good as getting drunk as i don’t seem to mind if others are drinking while i stay off the alcohol.
Its boxing day today so i am going to have a day of taking things very easy and lazy. I have some strong shadows today so there must be another change in the weather coming. The last few months have been very wet and windy and there is still loads of flood warnings around the country so we are in for a lot more wet weather. I just thank my lucky stars that it wasn't snow as i would be in real trouble and would be getting attacks all the time. I remember the 2 weeks of snow last year, a time i would rather forget with the amount of attacks i was getting. So fingers crossed for some better weather and even a bit of fishing for the new year.
