Another enjoyable day ended in me crashing out from exhaustion again. I must have fallen asleep early as i remember it being light.
I was then abruptly woken by yet another attack. The beast decided to come pay a visit at half one in the morning and then decided to stay and annoy me for a few hours. It was around 5am i managed to fall back to sleep and was then suddenly woken up again, not by head pain this time, but by my neighbour singing. I think they must have had a party last night as he was looking rather worst for wear this morning and the singing left a lot to be desired.
Anyway, It looks like the beast is back to stay for a while as i have been getting the feeling of pressure (the shadow) all morning and even though i have taken my tablets, and been on oxygen for the last hour, the pressure doesn’t seem to want to go away. I think this means i will have a painful day today and i am not looking forward to this afternoon as i know that is when most of the attacks will start.
Its times like this i say to my self “why me?”, “What have i done to upset him upstairs so much to want me to go through this much pain?”. I wonder if this is what he meant by “suffer little children to come unto thee”. I am not religious by the way, these are saying i remember from a youngster as i went to a catholic school (St. Illtyds, to start with) before moving to a more modern school in St. Neots (just outside Cambridgeshire). I don't remember having many headaches as a youngster but i do know i used to suffer migraines as a baby ( according to my mother) so i think that must have something to do with why i am suffering with this condition later in my life.
The sky outside is looking rather grey and un-inviting this morning so i defiantly think its a day indoors today, mind you i don't need much convincing as i hate to go out when i know i am going to have an attack or two. I feel embarrassed when people see me screaming and crying and basically go out of my mind in pain. Also when they try to offer help as there is nothing they or anyone else can do except leave me to deal with the attack. I find it better to be alone when i am having the worst attacks as if someone is near me I tend to lash out in anger and pain when the attacks happen.
Well that's it for now as i think i need to get back on the oxygen and see if i can get this feeling of pressure to go away. The neck has already started to hurt so i am definitely in for an interesting day…
