The Beast won’t leave me alone at the moment….

Again i have been having early morning attacks and continued shadows during the daytime resulting in late night attacks also. I don’t know what has brought them on so bad or why they are playing up like this. This time of year my attacks do become less and i get longer periods of being pain free in between bouts of attacks. I have been on medication as from the end of last year and should be seeing a result of that medication and thought the reductions i were getting were as a result of the Pregabilin but suddenly i am getting worst again. I am hoping its just a bad bout and will then start to return to its normal cycle and the reductions in attacks continue. All i know is at the moment they have become bad and to start getting constant shadows during the day and the fact they are lasting all day long takes me back to when they are at their worst normally in winter time.

It seems i have to go all day with my neck feeling like i have been throttled and now have a lump stuck in the side of my neck. A constant feeling of pressure on the left side of my head making my eye shut slightly and look drooped compared to the rest of my face.  A constant fear of having a big attacks and not being able to go anywhere as it will surely bring on an attack, even the slightest of winds blowing into your eye is enough to set of an attack when your head feels like this.

When an attack appears its not just a build up to pain, its pain at its maximum level right from the first second and can last over an hour. Your eve feels like it has been burnt out with a hot poker and now they are scraping your scull and brain with the sharp point of that poker. A feeling as if something is trying to burst out of the side of your head. Nothing you can do will stop the pain all you can do is bare the beast and ride the pain smashing your head hoping it will stop soon. Praying for god to end it all to take you peacefully and not to have to suffer the pain before death.

To go through one attack is bad enough but to have to endure several in a day just drains your body and no matter how much you try and put it to one side in your mind you just can’t, its always there, a shadow hanging over you for the remainder of your life slowly draining away your energy and your soul. Your entire quality of life jumps from 100% to 0% in a matter of moments all down to a condition you just don’t understand and can’t control.

It’s not long now until i see my specialist again so i am hoping that there is another medication we can try other than the Verapamil tablets due to them causing me so many problems and it now looks like i must be allergic to something in their make up. Its only through trial and error you end up finding out these things. lets hope he can find something that does agree with me and can help keep the beast asleep. If i could get past the early morning wake up calls all the time i think half the battle would have been won. It drains your energy not having a regular sleeping pattern and not being able to rest properly. Its like a never ending circle as you stress from tiredness and make the attacks worst due to stress being a trigger and then you end up with lack of sleep also making you tired and stress. You have to try and stop the cycle somewhere!

The Beast from Hell came for his morning visit…

Yet again i was woken up this morning by the beast from hell. Another large attacks that over powered my injection and lasted almost an hour even with they oxygen treatment. It’s surprising how much energy it takes from you when you have a big attack. You feel drained of all energy and so weak you just can’t get up from where you are sitting or laying. It takes a good half an hour before you have the energy to move again and when you do you still feel so tired you just want to sleep but no matter how hard you try you just can’t fall to sleep due to the constant shadow or pressure feeling on the left side of the face.

I have had to deal with these attacks for years but they were mostly occasional and only appeared every couple of months. it wasn’t until just over 2 years ago that they started to become daily. I seem to have gotten worst over time. NO matter what tricks you try or how well you learn to deal with the pain and attacks you never seem to be able to deal with the large ones. I have tried many tricks before and some new one s now i know what the condition is but i just can’t seem to be able to deal with the level of pain the large attacks bring.

Today i feel very ill and think i must have caught a cold even though the days have been hot and sunny. We have been fishing for the last couple of days and usually fishing seems to help and is a good treatment as it keeps your mind focused on something other that your condition. Unfortunately, when visiting Ely River we had to push our tackle up a steep hill for some distance and the strain brought on an attack and even though I had taken my injection it still continued. Ever since this incident i have been getting attacks for the last 2 days.

Today i feel weak and tired due to lack of sleep but also have strong shadows that are bringing on attacks every now and again so i am trying to take things easy today. Each time i stand up and try and do something i end up feeling dizzy and sick and have to leave it and go and sit down again. The weather is forecast to be windy, cloudy and rainy so its a day in resting for me i think. It doesn’t help when this weather comes as it makes my head worst so its possible that it is playing up as this weather was approaching. Fingers crossed it will improve soon as the sunny weather returns.

Another early morning start, ah well , lets go fishing!

Yet another early morning wake up call this morning at 3.30 am. Its starting to become very annoying not being able to sleep in till normal hours. Each time i wake up early due to the head starting to play up i always end up in agonising pain. The morning attacks always turn out to be big attacks that last at least 30 minuets even with my injections. They just don’t seem to be strong enough to stop these type of attacks. normally when i take my injection within 10 to 20 minuets the attack is over but for some reason these early morning ones just over power it and i end up having to ride out the attack.

I would have thought with the weather now becoming warmer the attacks would be a thing of the past but unfortunately that's just not the case this year. Each morning when the temperature is at its lowest i seem to be getting attacks all the time. During the winter period i get these type of attacks all through the day up to 8 or 1- attacks in a 14 hour period. As the weather has improved and we are coming into summer the attacks have reduced in numbers down to 2 or 8 per week, and most of these attacks seem to be happening in the early hours.

I don’t mind being up so early this morning as I am off to Ely river to go fishing with my mother and step father Brian. They went down to take a look at the disabled pegs the other day to see if it was possible for my mother to get there and actually get her wheel chair down to the waters edge so she can fish it and they found there were a couple of purpose built disabled pegs available and decided to give it a try. I have been reading in some of the fishing magazines that there has been some large fish being pulled out of the river so i am looking forwards to a great days fishing.

It has been years since i last whet river fishing as when we used to live in St. Neots just outside Cambridgeshire i used to go fishing on the river Ouse all the time as it was our local river. I was taught by a local guy that used to fish in all the competitions and became quiet good at river fishing. To the extent that i was chosen by my school to take the other students fishing during the activities week they organise just before the school holidays.

Well i am just hoping the weather forecast is correct and that the weather will be nice and warm today and the attacks will stay away. The last thing i want is to get an attack whilst fishing. Normally this doesn’t happen as when i am fishing i feel so relaxed the head seem to stay calm and behave itself. Why this happens when fishing i can only assume its due to me concentrating on the fishing and not thinking about that attacks and pain all the time.

Pain Pain go Away…..

The beast once again decided to show its face early hours of the morning and yet again i was woken up at 3am not quite knowing why i was wide awake when suddenly the attack would start, they eye would swell up and close and i would end up pouring in sweat. I rushed into the living room to take my injection and sit by the oxygen tank and breathe it in until the pain has eased. This is how i seem to be starting most of my morning lately.

The Pregabilin tablets seem to have helped by reducing the amount if attacks i get over a 7 day period. I am only getting between 2 and 10 attacks in a week where i used to get that amount in one day. I am hoping it is the medication that has brought on this decrease in attacks and not just down to the weather improving and warming up compared to the winter months. My attacks normally reduce in number as we go through the different seasonal changes and the weather improves. It seems that the cold and wet weather are one of my main triggers.

There is one thing that is really concerning me at the moment and that is the amount of aches and pains i am getting in my back and the fact that these pains are now causing me to become very immobile at times. I can’t even walk as far as the supermarket witch is only 5 minuets away from my flat. Each time i walk the distance i end up in agony and the pain spreads from my lower back into my bum cheeks. I was hoping that these aches and pains were down to the attacks and would improve when the attacks weren’t as frequent as normal but it turns out it is a totally separate issue and the doctor has had to refer me to pain management and the back specialist.

Just lately i have also been getting a lot of pain in the groin area. I know i have a small hernia due to my bowls playing up that time i took the Verapamil tablets and caused myself to get bad constipation and caused me a hernia by straining too much but just lately i have been getting pain on the other side of the groin and a feeling like i have been kicked in the family jewels. I am not quiet sure where it is coming from but i hope it stops soon as it is very sore and worrying.

The weather forecast is set to improve over the next few days so should my head improve with it. lets just hope it stays nice for a while and i get a chance to take a rest from the beast waking me all the time. It wouldn’t be so bad if you could fall back to sleep after you have had an attack but its just impossible and you end up staying up watching the sunrise appear and the start of yet another day.

Wish this miserable weather would improve soon…

Despite the weather being horrific i still managed to have a lay in till 7am this morning. This has been very rare lately as i normally wake up from a call by the beast and end up fighting an attack for at least an hour. Thankfully this didn’t happen this morning and i have woken with shadows instead. What i mean by shadows is a feeling of pressure all over the left side of the head like it is swollen and intermittent sharp stabbing pains in the neck that also run down the spine into the lower back area. These shadows will slowly build as the day goes on and i will get one or two attacks varying in strength with out any warning apart from this shadow feeling.

These are the days that i always lock myself away in fear of having an attack when i am out in public. It’s not that i am ashamed of the attacks or don’t wish to be seen even though i do feel a little embarrassed at times but its more due to the fact that when you have an attack, due to the pain being so strong, all you want to do is be left alone in quiet to deal with the agony and let it pass. you also don’t want people seeing you smashing your head against the ground as if to crack it open when the attacks are so bad you just wish you were dead. It’s also the fact that when people see a bad attack they always tend to panic and call an ambulance due to not understanding what is happening and many believe you to be having a stroke of some kind. No matter how much you try an explain yourself and try to educate the people around you there is just now way of describing how painful the attacks are and how bad they make you feel.

I am just praying that today the attacks that are due to arrive at any moment won’t be as strong as they usually are or that i am able to abort it with my injection. There was many times during the winter months when i felt like this and had to deal with some scary and horrific attacks and they were so strong they used to over power the injection making it useless but thankfully the oxygen helped to reduce the time the attacks lasted and halved the torment. I sometimes wonder just how much pain the human body can take before it says enough is enough. It won’t be long until my next appointment with Dr. Pickersgill, my neurologist and specialist in CH, and hopefully he will be able to try another medication that may help to put these attacks to rest once and for all but something tells me inside that it is going to be a while before we find the magic combination and i have many more painful days to come.

Again i have had to cancel my next fishing trip as the weather has been so bad making my head play up all the time. This month has been so wet it seems like for the last 2 weeks all it has done is rain and more rain. We had a nice start to June with a couple of hot sunny days and now it has just turned to grey, horrible and wet. I am praying it ends soon so my head will improve and i can start to go fishing again.

Some people ask how i can manage to go fishing yet i cant jump on the bus to go over the shop? my honest answer in I don’t know why? All i know is the when i am fishing i am completely relaxed and focused on the water and how the fish feed and how i am going to trick them in to taking my bait. How i set up my rigs and how i play the fish. I don’t think about my head for one moment and if i do have an attack i can just jump in my bivvi out of sight of others and take my injection. As soon as it kicks in and stops the attack i can return to fishing and if it’s a bad attack i just put the rods onto bite alarms and go and lay down for an hour until it has eased away.

I think i am just lucky that a sport i love so much seems to help me to relax and help me manage my condition. I think if i didn’t have the fishing and the internet to share my feelings i would have been a lot worst by now and don’t even want to think about the consequences and what may have happened to me by now. I am just thankful i have understanding friends and family and have finally found the right doctor to deal with my condition i am just hoping something will be able to be done in order to help me stop the attacks from happening and improve my quality of life.

The attack from hell….. boy is that painful!

It is so easy to forget at times just how painful the condition CH can be. Again i was woken by the beast at 4 am this morning to what i can only describe as an attack from hell. Not only did it over power my injection and rendered it useless but even the oxygen had no effect on it and i ended up having to ride out the attack that lasted just over an hour. The side of my face became so drooped it looked like i had suffered a stroke and my eye completely closed and i couldn’t see out of it. My neck felt as if someone had hit me round the back of the head with a baseball bat and the swelling on my scar on the left side of the head was up like a balloon. I was getting really strong ringing in my ears and a feeling of light headedness once the attack stopped.

Its amazing how fast the attacks start and how fast they stop. You would expect them to ease of gradually as the medication takes hold but they just seem to vanish when they feel like it. I can only describe the pain as if someone is shoving something hot and sharp through your eye and instead of the pain lasting a few seconds it lasts for an hour. Non stop agony and pain like no other you have ever experienced. When people turn around and say “I know what you are feeling, I've had pain like that before” becomes extremely annoying as unless they are a CH sufferer themselves then they have no idea and can’t even come close to the level of pain you get.

Again the skies are looking grey and miserable so the low pressure weather is still upon us and that explains why i have been getting so many early morning attacks. I have also been getting a few during the day as well but nothing i can’t manage with my injections and oxygen. I was hoping as the warmer weather started i would see a stop to the attacks but this year they seem like they just don’t want to stop. Normally as the year goes on and the weather improves i get less and less attacks and that seems to have happened apart from first thing in the morning. I am dreading the winter period when it arrives as i just know its going to be as bad as it was last year and i just don’t know how i managed to survive.

It won’t be long before my next appointment with the specialist and hopefully they can find another medication combination that will help put a stop to the attacks i am getting in the mornings and hopefully put the beast to sleep once and for all. I have tried to start taking the Verapamil tablets once again but they just seem to make me ill and cause me chronic IBS so it looks like they are not going to help me one bit. It’s a shame as they felt like they were starting to work when i was on them for 2 weeks. I just can’t go through all that hassle with my bowls again it was embarrassing enough the last time.

The stupid social sent me a letter to attend an interview with the idea of me returning to work. How on earth they expect me to attend the interview with my head is beyond me. It’s bad enough jumping on a bus and travelling to the shops as the vibration and cramped conditions always seems to start off my head and now they want me to travel in to town and spend an hour on the bus. They have no chance in hell! If they can supply me with transport to and from the office and also somewhere i can go to take my injection in peace if an attack happens with oxygen on hand they by all means i will attend. But something tells me that just isn't going to happen. They did say they would ring me and do the interview over the telephone but i waited in all day Friday and no phone call so i am now going to have to chase i up on Monday and ask what is going on. More stress to deal with, it just gets worst!

Rain, Rain and more Rain……

Another early wake up call this morning at 3am yet again! It’s starting to become a constant issue first thing in the morning starting the day in agony and pain. I just wish i could take the Verapamil tablets and put a stop to this once and for all but with my stomach reacting to the tablets the way it does i can’t see there being any hope of that happening any time soon.Either i am allergic to something inside the Verapamil or it is conflicting with another medication i am already taking. After taking the tablet, i can feel it starts almost immediately, but within 30 minuets of swallowing the tablet i start to get bad wind and pains in my right side about the area of the colon.

I also get sharp pains in the kidney area and this gets worst as the day goes on. The wind i also get is uncontrollable and ends up causing me discomfort and pain on the left hand side. I decided not to take the tablets again after they started off everything again the other day as i just can’t go through all that pain and wind all over again. It was bad enough the first time and the constipation was so bad i ended up having 2 enemas in one weekend. Something i would rather forget in a hurry!

Yesterday turned out to be a very bad day for me as i kept on having attacks all day long. I must have had at least 12 attacks in the morning followed by another 6 or 7 in the evening. Not all the attacks were big ones thankfully and the worst of the attacks i managed to abort using my injections and oxygen.Something else i found very strange yesterday was the fact i kept yawning continuously when i had pain in the head. It couldn’t have been due to lack of oxygen as i was breathing pure oxygen from my tank but every time i would get a pain surge i would end up with a big yawn.

My hernia has decided to play up today and remind me it was there. I haven't been getting problems from it for well over 2 weeks and now all of a sudden to start hurting for no reason is beyond me. I would understand if i had been doing a lot of lifting or walking but i don’t know of anything that could of started it off again. Unless it was carrying back my shopping yesterday that has caused it to hurt. So i have to spend the day taking it easy so i don’t aggravate it any more than it already is.

The weather over the next few days is going to be wet and windy s i am expecting a few attacks during the day due to the low pressure areas being above the UK at the moment. It is planned to clear up from Wednesday afterwards and hopefully this Sunday should also be clear. I have decided to go fishing again on Wednesday with my mate John, we have decided to pay our local lake a visit and try out some of the new Carp gear i bought for my birthday. If we manage to have a clear patch on Sunday we might be going fishing at the local river, the river Rumney and try out some of the lures i won from total outdoors during a fishing competition. You never know we could even get ourselves a nice salmon as they seem to make their way up the river at certain times of the year, fingers crossed!

What a start to a Birthday, The beast and stress….

What a start to a birthday! Woken up at 3am by the beast yet again and then when i was getting ready to go out to visit family a letter drops through the door from the Job centre in Cardiff. The letter was asking me to attend a back to work and work focus interview on the 12th June at 14.45. Hang about it’s the 13th today?

Well you can imagine i panicked and instantly thought they had stopped my money and now i will have to go through hell again sorting it out and explaining my illness again! I rang the centre and was put though to an adviser who informed me she had a niece that also suffers with CH and is going through hell as her doctor doesn't believe the condition exists. Instantly i gave her the name and number of my specialist to contact, the poor girl. Anyway, she went through my details and informed me it was a clerical error and not to worry about it.

They also informed me that i would be able to do the interview over the phone instead of having to travel down to the centre. I am so grateful as there is now way i could jump on a bus and travel down town with my head playing up as it is today. I know the advisor said not to worry but when you suffer from bi-polar or any depressive illness for that matter, you worry over the silliest of things and something small becomes a mountain and seems impossible to sort out. I am just grateful she knew and understood what i was talking about and put me at ease. I don’t know what i would have done if it had gone the other way and they demanded i attend the office.

At the moment it is raining outside and the skies are grey so it looks like this weather is set to last a while. The trouble is it has also brought the beast with it as i am getting some very strong shadows today, my head feels very heavy and the neck is sore. I know i am in for a few attacks today. I am just hoping they aren’t too strong. It looks like i am going to be stuck indoors all day now as i have to wait for the supervisor to ring me and do the interview over the telephone and also as my head is playing up so i will end up shutting myself away and staying close to my oxygen tank. What a birthday, oh well if i don’t laugh i will cry so chin up and crack on with it.

Birthday Tomorrow, Nothing to do, Nowhere to Go….

Another early morning wake up call from the beast today and resulting in me staying up since 3am this morning. My eyes feel sore and i feel tired but just can’t seem to fall asleep so i may as well wait until tonight and try and get an early night to catch up on my rest. My neck is feeling really sore on the left hand side and is sending shooting pain down my spine and back. I was hoping by starting the Verapamil again i would put a stop to the early morning wake up calls but instead all it does is explode my stomach causing extreme wind and pains in my left and right sides.

It then causes my back to play up and i get pains in my right kidney area. I must be allergic to something in the tablet or it is reacting with one of my other medications so i have had to stop them again and will have to wait to see the specialist and see if there is something else we can do. Even though i have stopped the tablets after the first day of re-taking them, i am still getting problems and will probably continue like this until what ever it is works its way out of the body.

Only another day t go and i reach the big 40, half way through life or so they say. Due to the weather changing and becoming bad i have had to cancel my fishing trip for my birthday until later in the month s i have ended up with no where to go and nothing to do on my birthday. I decided this year to treat myself for my birthday and have been putting together all new fishing tackle as a birthday present to myself.

I now have everything i wanted including my new bivvi so i can do some night fishing and stay warm and out of the wind and rain. There is only one more thing i have to get which is being ordered on Friday and i have completed my set and i am ready for the new fishing season and take on  some of the rivers and streams and fisheries around Wales, I am so looking forwards to a year of great fishing. I also want to get some match luggage that i found on Dragon Carp Direct for £30, a nice blue set of luggage so i can separate the two types of fishing tackle i have. One lot for Carp and Specimen fishing and the other lot for Match and Competition fishing.

Well there’s not much else i really want for my Birthday apart to visit my family and have a relaxing day. I gave up drinking many years ago as it doesn’t agree with me as i tend to over do things and end up ill and i can’t see the fun in that. I don’t really go out anywhere no or even eat out as i worry about having attacks all the time and struggle when having to travel on a bus. I think its just going to be a day where i will try and lay in and catch up on my sleep and end up relaxing in front of the TV watching a film or two.

The Beast has come back to play in the early hours..

After being woken yesterday morning at 3am by the beast i thought i would get away with not having any more attacks as the weather was nice and sunny. I went to my mothers to have Sunday diner and i didn't have any signs of attacks building but suddenly after i ate my dinner an attack appeared from no where. My eye suddenly became swollen and the sharp pain started from behind the eye and over the top of the head into my neck. I took my injection but as it was a big attack it took some time before it started to work. This was quite a surprise as normally when the weather is good i don't get the attacks during the day i normally get them in the early hours.

Again this morning i was woken by the beast at 4am with another big attack. It was that strong it actually over powered the injection and i had to ride the attack for over 30 minuets. luckily i had my oxygen to help reduce the amount of time the attack lasted as normally it would have lasted well over an hour. Again my eye became swollen and i couldn’t see out of it and the sharp pain was going over the top of the head and into the neck making me feel like i had a lump stuck in the neck causing it to grind every time i moved my head. The scar on the left side of the head at the top became swollen once again and the pan was so strong it made my ears ring loud and i couldn’t even hear the TV.

I have restarted my Verapamil tablets today so its only the first day taking them so i won’t see any benefits until the second week. When i took them before, when my IBS decided to start and cause me agony, it took up to 2 weeks before it started to have an effect on my attacks. I cold actually feel the medication block the attacks as they would build and then i would get a funny feeling and they would then stop. I am hoping that it works the same again and doesn’t start causing my IBS to play up again. I think the last time i took them it was just bad timing and i don't think they contributed to the problems i was having but you never know. If it does start to cause me problems in the stomach and bowls again i will just have to stop and we will have to find an alternative medication to do the job.

It’s not long now till my 40th birthday, i can’t believe i am already that old. I still feel like i am in my 20’s. Apart from my illness i am still feeling young inside but the body seems to be letting me down. The pains in the back when i am walking seems to be getting worst as time goes on and the problems with my head an bowls seem to take up most of my time. I do go out fishing as i enjoy it and it’s a sport that i love but apart from that i don’t really do anything else except visit my mothers and clean the flat each day when i am not in pain. I really do have to start getting out more as i tend to lock myself away due to fear of having attacks in public. If i could get a portable oxygen tank then maybe i would be able to get out a bit more. I will have to ask the specialist the next time i see him as i am due to get an appointment soon.

Monthly Blog Update - June 2013

Yet again in the early hours of the morning the beast decided to pay me a visit and wake me up in agonising pain. Sharp shooting pains from behind the eye and over the top of my head on the left hand side. The left eye became puffy and swollen and wouldn’t stop running with water. the neck again felt like there was a lump stuck in it causing it to grind each time i moved my head and the swelling on the scar on the top of my head came back and became a large lump

Well its only 2 more days to go and i start the Verapamil tablets again so i am hoping these nearly morning wake up calls will soon come to an end. the last time i was on them the attacks seemed to stop all together but it could also be the hot weather helping to keep them away so i wont know how good they are until net winter comes. i am hoping i don’t have a repeat of last winter and attacks every day non stop. It takes a lot out of you and you feel so weak after an attack.

My hernia is feeling better but is still swollen on the top of my groin so i know its still there and every now and again i get sharp pain. I have asked the doctor for a referral to the specialists to see if they can do something about it as i don't want to suffer with that for the rest of my life as it will be annoying and very uncomfortable

My back has been playing up really badly the last couple of weeks and i have been having lots of pain when i am walking. Even when i am taking things easy the pain comes and seems to spread into the bum cheeks. Again i have asked to be seen by a specialist and am still waiting for an appointment. They did send me a letter saying i have been referred to the acute pain management and back specialist but i have been put on a waiting list. I got the letter last month after waiting 2 months already. i am just hoping it doesn’t take as long as it did for me to get a diagnosis for the attacks as that took a total of 10 years before i found the specialist that knows what he is talking about and finally got the help and the mediation i so desperately needed.

Still my bowls are playing up and i am getting so much wind its embarrassing. Every time i am out walking to the shop i can’t seem to stop passing wind and when you are on a bus or in a cue n a shop its not the most pleasant of experiences. People looking at you in disgust even when you try and excuse yourself. the tablets i am taking for the IBS seems to work and have settled my stomach no problem. i don’t get any more sharp pains in the sides unless i eat something that upsets it and then its hell. i am just hoping this will get better over time and eventually i will be able to stop taking the tablets as i am taking enough medication with out all these extra problems.

All i can do for the time being is wait for the appointments and keep taking the medication to help ease the symptoms. I try not to do too much walking if i can help it but when you live alone and have to do your own shopping and cleaning etc. it very hard no to move around. I try and rest my hernia as much as is possible and it seems to work but then when i have to go and do my shopping and carry my bags i always end up aggravating it again and end up in pain, i can’t win.

The Call of the Beast!

Yet again i was woken at 3 am not quite knowing why i was wide awake at that time of the morning and then it hit me! Sharp pain from behind the eye shooting over the top of the head on the left and into the back of my neck. Pain like you couldn't imagine. By the time i got up and went into the bathroom to go to the toilet my eye had already swollen up and was dripping with water. The neck felt like i had a golf ball stuck inside it again and every movement felt as if it was grinding away the bone.

Even after taking my injection it took at least 20 minuets to stop the attack and again i had to jump on my oxygen bottle to help me deal wit the level of pain i was getting. Each time i tried to stand up it started to make my head throb so i just sat back down and waited patiently for the attack to finish. It's crazy how strong pain always seems to make me feel sick. I know its not the actual attack that is doing it so can only assume its the level of pain i get that makes me feel ill but so far i have never actually been sick when having an attack.

It can't be the weather that has caused this attack as it is sunny and warm and even when i woke up early this morning i wasn't feeling cold in fact it was the opposite as i kept throwing off my quilt during the night where i was so warm. The last couple of days i have been getting a few attacks again and think it could be down to stress as the other day when i was trying to update my blogg i ended up shorting out my computer and something went bang. It was either the monitor or the computer itself that has broken. When i tested the system it started up ok when the screen wasn't connected but as soon as i connect the screen to the tower it just doesn't want to turn on. This tells me there must be a short in the monitor itself. Thank god it wasn't the tower itself as there is loads of work on the hard drives that i have still not backed up and at one point yesterday i thought i had lost it all for good.

Its not long till my birthday and my birthday fishing trip where i will be spending the entire weekend down at my local lake camped out in my new bivvy. My brother will be joining me for the first day and a few friends will be popping down and joining me for the second day of fishing. I will get a chance to try out all my new fishing tackle and see if i can master my local lake and catch the monster carp that is in there. I a waiting untill i get the right 2 days of clear weather and then we will be off so i am looking to go a week Saturday or a week Sunday, i can't wait.

The beast is sleeping, I can’t wait for my b-day fishing trip!

It wasn’t until i was reading back over my blog yesterday that i realised we still didn’t find out exactly what started my stomach and bowls off and how i have ended up with bad IBS. I can agree with the doctors about the medication and too many painkillers can cause constipation but when you don’t actually take that many pain killers it doesn’t make sense. I was so constipated that when straining just to go to the toilet i ended up giving myself a hernia. Every day i have to contend with my bowls and wind all the time and the pains you get when you have wind trapped inside the body moving around your organs. All this for no reason apart from possible medication

Then you are told to take even more medication just to ease these symptoms and you start to get side effects from those medications also. Its just like one giant circle of battling the different medications in order just to feel well. The only thing i can think of that started off the IBS is the injections i have been taking for my head or the actual Pregabilin medication that i rely on the keep the beast at bay. Now that i have the condition and have to rely on the tablets to calm it down it is finally coming under control and i am able to move about a lot more than i could when it was playing up. Stress also plays a huge part with the IBS and makes it play up even worst. So the more pain you get the more you worry and the more it hurts and so on.

I am just thankful that i have been feeling a lot better than i was a few weeks ago. I still have a feeling of pressure on the back on the right hand side and i am still passing wind like there is no tomorrow but at least the pain is now under control. My head attacks have reduced in the number i get in a weekly period so that has also made me feel a lot happier and now that i have my new teeth from the dentist and it takes years of the face i have been feeling a lot happier in myself. I am still restricted in where i go and how far i travel as having an attack away from home still scares me and the pain i get when i walk is still there so i have to take it easy.

I have reserved my Bivi this morning and will go down the shop to buy it tomorrow so that's the last piece of fishing equipment i need and i am ready for my birthday fishing trip. My brother has agreed to come with me and we are going to fish my local lake so its not far from my flat and my mothers in case of any emergencies. I really love going fishing as for some reason it just seems to calm me and although sometimes you have to work hard in order to catch your fish i always seem to feel relaxed and don’t worry about my attacks. If i do get one i can always dive inside my bivi, take my injection and then finish fishing when the pain has gone. The fishing web site that i have created also helps me keep my mind off my illness and on something positive. All this helps me cope with what is going on with my health at the moment.

I am still awaiting a couple of referrals, one for my back problem and the serious pain specialist and also one for the hernia. I really hope there is something they can do about the hernia as it constantly causes me pain in the side and the back where it is pulling on the muscles with the swelling. The swelling on my groin is still quite large so there is still a lot of liquid there and makes me sit funny and uncomfortable. Even when i am sleeping i constantly aggravate it and end up waking myself up all the time. At least the weather is nice and the beast is still asleep at the moment.

The head is calm and stomach is good but still i get pains in the back!

Well i have managed to stay attack free most of the weekend and feel great for it. I did have an attack on Friday whilst at a BBQ at my mothers witch i found very unusual as the sun was blazing and it remained hot all day. Normally when the weather is like that i don’t get any attacks building but for some strange reason on Friday i suddenly had a strong shadow appear. I was so surprised i even mentioned it to my mother about 20 minuets before the attack showed its face. It was a bad attack also as it took some time for my injection to kick in and work and instead of walking home as i had planned my brother had to drive me home in case i became any worst.

The weather has been good to us all weekend and is set to be good all week so hopefully i won’t have a repeat of Fridays attack. I will be starting my Verapamil treatment once again as from Monday onwards so i should hopefully see a huge improvement from them as well as the nice weather. Last time i started taking the Verapamil i was pain free continuously after the second week on the medication so i am hoping that when next winter comes around i won’t have to go through all the attacks and agony that i suffered with last winter. The combination of Pregabilin and Verapamil should hopefully put the beast to sleep once and for all and the attacks will soon become a thing of the past.

My stomach has started to settle down over the last week as well and although i still have the hernia in the groin area i am not getting anywhere near as much pain as i was getting. The IBS seems to have calmed down and the tablets must be working. I am still passing loads of wind though and ever now and again i get pains in my back just to remind me i have a problem. I am starting to think that the pains i get in the back have definitely got something to do with my spine as i am still getting days where i find it very difficult to walk any distance. When i do the pains become strong and spread into my bum cheeks and i have to stop for 20 minuets or so just to let the pains calm down before i continue my journey. the trouble with this is that i end up stopping about 3 or 4 times before i reach my destination and it takes me 3 times longer to get anywhere.

Well its the start of June and not long till my birthday. I can’t believe its the big 40 this year! Oh my god! where has the time gone, it only seems like yesterday i was enjoying my 30th birthday. Well i have decided to do something i enjoy for my birthday so i have decided to go fishing at one of my local lakes and spend the whole weekend or 2 days during the week, when ever the best weather is, and camp out over night to do some night fishing also. My brother is going to come fishing wit me for my birthday so it should be a fun trip and enjoyable as he is also looking forwards to it just as much as i am.