The Clusters continue and Winter is still Hell!

When i first started the medication i wondered if it would stop me having to deal with repeated attacks during the winter as this seems to be the worst time of year for cluster attacks. No matter how hard i try not to let it effect me and hide away from the cold, i still end up having to deal with constant attacks from the beast. The worst thing is they come in bouts of 3 or 4 and that can really drain all your strength. I am very grateful that i now have 50% less attacks than when it first turned chronic plus i am now getting more pain free days ( not including the neck and back pain). Despite the small improvements and the medication helping i am still finding the winter periods hell to deal with. I am sure its something to do with the low pressure when it rains or there is bad weather. This seems to be the time that the beast rears its ugly head.

The types of attacks i have never seem to change but always seem stronger than the one before , if that's at all possible. The attack always starts behind the eye and above the left side of the jaw and then shoots over the top of the left side of my head into my neck. My body immediately reacts with it bursting into severe sweats and and the left side of the face starts to droop and the eye begins to close whilst water streams out of the eyes socket. The level of pain becomes so severe you can no longer think of anything other than the pain. Its so hard trying to do things when you are having the attack. You get an out of world feeling when the pain hits its peak and its at that moment you begin praying to god for death to come and the pain to be no more. You feel like smashing your head on the ground to try and split it open to let out the evil that is trapped within.  You can't keep still due to the pain coursing over your head and all you can do is pray for it to stop.

Each time i have these attacks it feels like a part of me dies. No matter how many times you tell yourself the pain will eventually end you just have to hold on , you always think its never going to stop. How much more punishment can the body take and how much pain before your mind and body says no more. I have now been suffering "Chronically" for over 10 years and i really think my body is trying to tell me enough is enough. I am having problems from the hiatus hernia i now have which was brought on from side effects of medication and constipation. My back is in constant pain from the nerve or spine which i am now awaiting treatment for, my neck is in agony all the time from the constant battering the cluster attacks keep giving me. I am getting severe chest pains all the time and my left arm keeps going dead and numb from the nerve in the neck. I am now awaiting so much treatment at the hospital its starting to become a joke. 

When i said i would fight this condition with every ounce of strength i mean it, but i can only fight as hard as my body will let me; and if its starting to give up on me and i beginning to worry how much more i can take. All i can do for now is wait for these appointments with the Spinal clinic, Vascular Surgery and Cardiology and pray that it IS the nerve causing these problems and i will be able to do something about it. I have always felt that the back problems, neck problems, chest pains and dead arm are all down to a damage nerve that i have in the left side of my neck. I have now had several MRI scans done so they should be able to now confirm this theory or at least tell me exactly what is happening and why its causing me so many problems. I am also convinced it is this damage that caused my cluster headaches to get worst and become chronic.

As soon as i have been seen and finally get some answers i can stop worrying about it and start trying to make myself comfortable and concentrate on my fishing once again. I have missed out on quite a few fishing trips last year all down to pain in the neck and back so hopefully now i am getting some answers and help they will be able to start treatment and i can start getting out a lot more. I think not knowing what is wrong with you is a lot worst that actually being ill. The stress and the worry makes everything seem 10 times worst. I am just hoping my cluster attacks remain on its current course and continue improving and reducing over the next few years.

So once again i still don't have any answers!

Well, i suppose i better explain why i haven't been updating my personal blog as much as i used to. When i first started the blog i would update it each day no matter how many cluster attacks i was getting i would still try and get online and let readers know what was happening. After a few years of doing the same thing day in day out i decided the blog was becoming boring and it was the same thing all the time. How the attack started, what part of the head it effected and then the after shock of each attack and how my body was not coping with the pain. To me it seemed as though i was just repeating myself all the time.

At the start of December i decided to wait and try and find out exactly what was going on with my health as i have so many secondary problems that have all come about due to side effects of medication and also side effect of the cluster attacks. I had been booked in for several different scans and tests and appointments with my specialist so i though i would wait until all the results were in and i could then update everything with some definite answers as to what was happening to me. This was a good idea and some new things for my blog, or so i thought!

The cluster attacks i get seem to be aggravated by a problem that is slowly getting worst that is either the top of my spine or my neck. It is giving me so many problems and constant pain every day. The problems include left arm going dead, chest pains across left side of chest making you feel like a heart attack is happening, especially when it happens the same time as the dead left arm. I am also getting a sharp pain like a perfect line down the left side of my back and across the bottom of my back and spine. This gets worst as the weather becomes cold or wet and also causes pain to shoot up the back into the neck and can sometimes set of a cluster attack. There are even days when i try and walk to the shop, only 2 minuets from my flat, and i just can't make it with out having to sit down and take the weight off my legs. After about 30 seconds of walking its like all the strength suddenly disappears from both legs and walking starts to become painful as the legs begin to burn and feel like a pressure is crushing them. 

When i told the doctor they sent me for another scan this time to see if there was any clot blocking the circulation in my legs. Nothing has shown up and i still get the problem every now and again. They have now done an MRI on my neck and i have just been for an MRI on my spine  to try and find out what is causing all these problems. When i went to see the doctor for the results of the first MRI on my neck i asked her what was wrong. She called up the results and all i could see was loads of red writing in words and sentences that was beyond my understanding as it was all medical jargon. She then looked at me and said " I have to refer you to a specialist", prescribed me some ibuprofen gel to rub in for the pain along with the paracetamol (as i am no longer allowed stringer pain killers) and told me they will be in touch. So once again i still "DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER" as to whats causing all these problems.

When the specialist fist told me that there was no cure for cluster headaches and no known treatment and i would have to learn to live with the condition and experiment with medication to see what ones or combinations would help stop my cluster attacks, i though to myself; "well things can't get any worst can they?".. Well it proved me wrong! It has become worst. I am now suffering with Cluster Headaches (chronic) every day, Hiatus Hernia that can't be operated on that is now caused me to have a chronic re-flux condition, Damaged Nerve in the neck, Damaged Nerve in the back, A Fatty cyst on the left side of my lower spine which also causes agony, IBS caused from the medication along with severe constipation and i can't eat properly due to the hernia and the re-flux condition causing food and drink to trap in the wind pipe chocking me. 

Well its not really the start to the year that i wanted and my health doesn't seem to be improving or will improve any time soon so all i can do is again wait for results and hope that they hurry with these referrals as each day passes the pain and problems seem to get worst. It always is worst in the winter due to the cold and damp so i am not really surprised that i am suffering so much at the moment but its becoming frustrating and very annoying that it takes months for you to get any kind of help if its not a life threatening condition. Its crazy that in this day and age with the technology we have that someone would be left at home to suffer in pain so much. I just have to keep thinking that there are worst sufferers than me in the world and if they can continue on then so can I.

I promised myself years ago that i would fight this condition and try and not let it run my life but that's been almost impossible. You can't help but let it dictate when you go out or do anything due to the fear of attacks all the time. Then as soon as the other health problem came along it was like i was stuck in a rut and couldn't get out. Last year alone i ended up staying indoors most of the time and even when it came to my fishing i only ended up going out a couple of times through the year. I have promised myself no matter how painful things get i have to get out more this year and try and get some sort of normality back into my life. Sometimes it really hard to try and stay focused and feeling positive and i do wonder sometimes how much more punishment can my body take before it says enough is enough.  Lets hop i can get some sort of control over these problems before that even comes close to happening,

So as for my first post of 2017 its not the happy and bouncy one i was hoping to write with answers to the problems and i seem to still be spouting the same old stuff once again.  Pain , pain and more pain all the time. We'll i hope those who read this have had a great Christmas and a good start to the new year and fingers crossed this year will be better for all.