January ended up turning into a month of hell

I have been trying to wait to do my new update to my blog as i was getting fed up with all the negative things happening to me and writing the same stuff over and over again was becoming boring and doesn't make for good reading. I was getting hopeful towards the end of last year and into the new year as the nerve in my back had calmed down a little and I was managing the condition with out too many issues. I still have problems moving around and very bad pain when i walk but i was managing to get out, Suddenly the beast decided it was time to return and the cluster attacks started. First i thought it was just a bad weekend and would soon pass but it didn't. The attacks slowly increased back up to 5 or 6 per day and i am really suffering this year.

January ended up turning into a month of hell with the attacks and i haven't yet had a day with out having to deal with the beast. A full month on non stop attacks has really wiped me out. I have no strength left in my body and i struggle daily. Even popping to the shop around the corner has become a major problem. As soon as i go out into the cold air it starts to attack my neck and end up setting off a cluster attack 100% of the time. The oxygen is a god send but i now go through a large bottle so fast its crazy., The stress with the attacks and the depression it brings on has really messed up my moods and my head is all over the place, unable to concentrate in anything. I really don't know what to do except keep fighting and pry that it will improve sometime soon.

Well to top things off today (Friday) my money hasn't gone into the bank so the social haven;t paid my benefits again so Once again i have had to ring up and find out what is going on. At first they told me its been [paid so they don't know why it hasn't gone on my account , after half hour investigations they found it has been paid late and will clear on Monday. Well eventually we got it all sorted and it will now be paid later today but what i notice is that the amount of stress has triggered my clusters Just stressing over the need to go shopping and pay bills was enough to trigger a sudden burst of attacks that are just starting to ease off now.

I woke up this morning feeling so low and fed up and then the head started at 4 am. Managed to deal with the clusters only to find that i had no money when i checked my bank and that has now really put me into a very low mood it scares me. Stress sets off a row of attacks one after each other , what a start to the day. I really don't know what to do anymore i feel lost and alone. Its bad enough that I cannot work due to my condition and that alone depresses me , then when you rely on sickness benefits to survive and even that gets messed up now and again, its no way to live a life but i make do with what i have. I do my best to keep busy and keep my mind off my illness and try and concentrate on the positive things but sometimes it just becomes too much to bare. I cannot wait until i can go fishing next, get some fresh air and take my mind off all this mess doing something i love once again.  Lets hope the nerve calms down and i am on the bank soon!.