Back to the Old Routine... ATTACK after ATTACK !

They do stay sticking with a daily routine is better for you and helps you to manage things such as depression and anxiety but when the routine also includes an attack from the beast i would rather not have any routines all together. Just when you think things are starting to improve and you are on the road to recovery the beast comes along and kicks you square in the plumbs. Just when i was starting to enjoy a few more days being pain free something had to spoil it. I can only assume its this crazy weather we have been getting for the last couple of weeks. One day is pouring down the next its hot and humid and the next is storms, it just doesn't seem to want to settle. Not only is it making my head play up something chronic but it also trapping me indoors.

Scared to go out in case of a big attack is also something that has been added to my routine and no matter how much i try and stay positive and try to get out and about for a while something seems to stop me. If its not the head and the attacks its the back and the cyst in my lower back playing up. Then when i think things can't get any worst the bowels and stomach decide to join in and have a party of pain and discomfort. What makes things worst is that you have to take medication in order to deal and control these problems and that medication starts problems of its own so you just can't win. If i take paracetamol, or any kind of pain killer to be honest, i end up severely constipated and problems with my stomach and bowels and due to the cyst in my lower left back i end up having trouble opening my bowels as i can't seem to use the muscle on the left side for some reason linked to the cyst itself as when i try it really does hurt.

I have been wanting to get out and do some more fishing the last few weeks but the weather has been against me. Every time i build myself up to go and get organised the weather has changed for the worst and started to rain with high winds. I don't mind it raining when i am fishing i just down want to set up the bivvi and gear in the rain as it will remain damp all the time i am fishing and i will end up catching a bad cold to go with everything else i have going on. At least if you set up before the rain you can nip inside if the skies open and keep dry and continue fishing. I am hoping that this bad spell will shift this weekend and then during next week i can get out and do a bit of fishing at one of the local lakes even if its just a quick day session i need to get out and get fresh air.

I am now waiting for my appointment to see my doctor again as i have been getting some really bad headaches on top of my cluster attacks on the opposite side from my attacks and ear ache on the right side. I have also noticed that i keep getting hot and cold flushes and think i could have an allergy starting again. It could be something to do with the Sodium Valporate i keep trying to take. Every attempt to take the medication has resulted in me becoming very ill or having an allergic reaction to something that we don't know is causing it all. Again i have had to stop taking that medication on the hope that my health will improve again and it looks like i may have to go back on the Pregabilin for a while until i can get to see my specialist at the hospital. I need something to help me battle with the attacks as the injections alone are just not enough. All i can do for now is try and relax and wait until my appointment comes around and hope that the attacks will ease off again soon and i will get some more pain free periods.

  

Even more attacks from the beast opens your eyes to suffering and pain..

As usual just when you think you have things under control circumstances change and you are back fighting the beast once again, This hot weather has been causing havoc with my head and the attacks i have. Normally my main attacks are triggered by cold spells and severe drops in temperature but this time it seems to be the extreme heat that seems to be setting them off and the low pressure patches we have that keeps bring rain and storms with it. When a storm is approaching the air feels like its charged and the hair on the back of my neck stands up and this shows me or at least warns me that an attack is on its way. This is the first time i have experienced the warmer weather actually setting off attacks and it amazes me how the body reacts to certain things. 

When the cold weather comes in the winter i see a huge increase in the amount of attacks i get in a day and i can have anything up to 8 or sometimes even 10 attacks in a day that leaves me drained and feeling like i want to die. This is the first time the hot weather has made me feel the same way. When it started the other week i thought i was just having a bad day and then i realized the attacks were not just a bad day but were here on a regular basis and the amount slowly increased to 6 attacks during the day and 2 at night. The worst ones are the early morning ones at around 3 or 4 am that keep waking me up and due to this i get very little sleep as there is no way of falling back to sleep after an attack no matter how tired or weak you feel.

I don't care what anyone says about pain, you NEVER get used to it no matter how constant it becomes. It always seems to be worst than the one before and the pain level it reaches is really strange as it effects my hearing and my balance and even my breathing. I used to think i was getting panic attacks at the same time as the cluster attack but i now know this isnt the case as i am so used to getting the attacks it has become second nature to me. Even though i am used to getting them and know what to do when they come i still cant get used to the level of the pain. I can't believe that the human body can withstand such trauma and agony it amazes me that i am still alive today after having so many bad attacks as the years have gone by.

I am hoping that this last bout of attacks are just a passing phase due to the weather and will calm down again soon as it is now effecting the top part of my back and chest not only on the left side where i get the attacks over the head but also down the right side where the pain is now spreading to. I actually thought i was improving over the last couple of years but unfortunately i seem to be getting the same routine as i had when it all started years ago. As the attacks increase so does the pain level leaving me drained all day long and unable to do anything or go anywhere. Again i am trapped indoors in my flat unable to go out and in pain all the time. I a,m planning to go fishing with a few friends on the weekend so i am hoping it will calm down a little by then and at least i will get a couple of days back out in the sun and fresh air. You don't understand what it is like to have freedom taken away from you until it happens, i now understand how disabled people feel when they are restricted and unable to get about or go out when they feel like it and have restrictions to what they can physically do all the time. I really do understand what being ill is all about!