Almost at the end of a another year , Happy New Year Readers….

Yet another early morning wake up call from the beast and a painful start to the day with attack after attack. The cold weather seems to be effecting my head badly this year as its no where near as cold as it was this time last year and i am getting worst attacks than ever before. Not only are the attacks over the left side of the head and face but have now spread down the left side of my back. I also have pain across the front of my chest but this is from when i caught a nasty cold 2 weeks before Christmas and has now left me with what the doctor called Tendonitis.When i went for my appointment yesterday he said it was the muscles and tendons swelling in the chest and back and this is caused after an infection or cold.

I am hoping it doesn’t last too long and with rest and warmth it will soon sort itself out. It is very uncomfortable and painful and every now and again i keep feeling like i am going to have a heart attack as the ache and the pain over the left side of my chest is very strong. I am also getting a lot of pain down my back and when i walk again. I know it can’t be a side effect of the medication again as i reduced it to a level where i didn’t suffer the side effects. The downside is that i am getting a lot more attacks during the day once again. It’s almost the end of yet another year and still i am no closer to finder a solution to my condition. I have tried pushing the doctors but with no joy as i just can’t seem to get hold of the specialist and when i try and book an appointment with mu normal doctor it can take anything from 2 to 4 weeks to get seen and by the time you are seen you usually forget what it was you wanted to see the doctor about or what ever was troubling you is now better. Lets hope 2014 will be a lot more productive and i will get a grip on my condition and hopefully get it under control once and for all.

Again the weather is wet and cold outside so yet another day shut away indoors with sod all to do apart from watch TV , clean the flat and play on the computer. I was hoping to get out and do some winter carp fishing this year but will now have to wait until i get rid of this new problem with the chest and back. I can’t be out in the cold with these problems as it will make me feel even worst and possible more ill. I am planning to do a lot more big carp fishing this new year and will find myself camped out for a few days at a time chasing after the big record size carp so i have to make sure i am feeling strong enough and well enough to take on the challenge. Lets hope 2014 will be a year to remember and i get myself a new personal record size carp.

We had a good year this year and 2013 saw the start of my web site and fishing club and i have to admit it has done a lot better than anticipated. We have had over 1000 new visitors per month reading about our fishing adventures and we also caught more fish in one session than we sometimes catch in an entire year. We visited some great fishing venues including White Acres in Cornwall, one of the best fishing trips i have been on so far. We also managed to get sponsorship for our fishing and finally registered the dot com for our web site so we now own our own domain. Lets hope 2014 will be as productive as this year if not better.

Health wise, my whole family seems to have gone through the wars this year as my other was diagnosed and treated for cancer including having one of her kidneys removed. My brother has also suffered with his health and has a nerve that keeps trapping in the neck making him pass out where he stands with no warning. Brian, my step father, has also been having problems with his back so you can imagine we have all be suffering this year and can’t wait until we start the new year. I am hoping and praying that this year will be better and a lot more positive. I am going to try my hardest to make the new year a good one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR READERS…… 2014 MAKE IT A GOOD ONE!

Chest Pain, Back Pain and loosing my mind…

Well Christmas is over and we head towards a new year and thankfully i haven’t had as many attacks over the Christmas period as i thought i would have. I have had big problems with my back and my walking and also pain in the shoulder and chest. This is caused by the attacks i normally get but i have been suffering the last week even with out getting an attack. I still feel the problem in the muscle across my chest and a feeling like i have a knife stuck in me under my back left shoulder blade. Its a strange feeling as it isn’t sharp pain but a very strong ache. This makes it very uncomfortable to sit still or even lay flat on your back in bed. I tend to have to lay on my right side as the left side of my body is so messed up due to the attacks i have been getting.

Ever since i became a daily sufferer of CH and was finally diagnosed with the condition i have had the hope that they will be able to find out what is going on and finally put a stop to it and make me well. I am starting to realise this is not going to happen and things will only get worst. I have been noting how the condition has progressed and how it has become worst as time goes on. It has spread over the let side of me causing problems with other nerves and muscles on the left side causing other problems to appear. Even with the medication to help me when i get an attack i am only able to abort 5% of the attacks i get. Only being able to take 2 injections in 24 hours doesn’t really help when you end up having 10 attacks in that period of time. OK i don’t always get that many attacks and mostly i average 2 to 3 attacks per day at the moment witch is a lot lower than last year but i still get really bad periods where i get 10 attacks in a day and that really does drain you.

Now Christmas is over its back to the same old routine but i think i need to see the doctor as soon as possible. The pains in the chest are the ones that worry me the most. I am still getting some bloating and trouble with wind every now and again but no where near as bad as i was a couple of months ago. If i could just get rid of the chest ache and pain and the back i would be able to get on with my life and try and claim back some of my sanity. I have also been getting memory problems. I didn’t really notice it until i started writing things down not to forget and started to notice that my short term memory seems to be getting bad and every now and again i keep loosing a day or two. I don’t just forget things to do or things that i have done i seem to be loosing whole days where i can’t remember a single thing i have done.

OK so far i know i haven’t done anything stupid and i seem to have lost days like i would be around a mates house fixing his computer all day and then 2days later would ring up and ask if he wanted his system done yet and would then be reminded that i had already done it a few days before. I would then have images flash in my mind that would confirm that i had done it but do you think i can remember anything else from that day, No! This has now happened a couple of times to me and is becoming very worrying as you just don;t know what you could have done if you forget a day. I know in my heart that i wouldn’t do anything really stupid or bad but its not the point. When your memory goes or you have trouble remembering things who's to say what you are capable of doing.

Woken by the beast and non-stop attacks since 3am …

Again woken in the early hours by a series of attacks hat has kept me awake since 2.30 am. Yet again i could feel what i can only describe as a band of pressure around the top of the head that feels icy cold when it appears. This is what sets my attacks of in the early hours and keeps waking me from my sleep. During the day it is normally my neck or a problem with my back and stress that sets off most of my attacks but i also get ones due to cold and wet weather also during the day. The ones i get n the early hours are strange as there is no warning sign of an attack like during the day were you get the aches or sharp pains. Also when you are woken from your sleep you are not tired and in fact actually wide awake as if you had never been to sleep. It’s then, within moments of you realising you are awake, the attack begins and it is always started behind the eye,

It’s like someone is slowly pushing a hot poker into your eye socket and your eye just seems to swell up and start to close. Your eye then begins to water as if someone has switched on a water tap. Your nose blocks up so you can’t breathe other than through your mouth. The pain then spreads from behind the eye and within seconds takes over the entire left side of your head. A pain so strong that you think your brain is going to explode. Smashing your head on the ground as if to try and crack it open to release the demon actually feels pleasurable compared to the level of pain you get. All this happens within seconds of opening your eyes and the pain just takes over every sense of your body. All you can hear is loud ringing and a hum like a TV set is out of tune.

After you jump out of your bed so fast your feet don’t touch the floor until you have reached the living room. The pain then starts to spread onto the neck making it feel like you have something stuck in the join. It then starts to spread down the left side of my back and stops just under the shoulder blade making it feel as though someone has stabbed you in the back and left the knife inside the wound. Pain also spreads across the front of the chest towards your heart and panic sets in and thoughts of having a stoke or heat attack flash through your mind. All you can do is scream in agony and try and rub the side of your head as if to try and rub the area the pain is coming from and try and massage it better. The pain  is so deep inside the head that you just cant reach it no matter how much pressure you put on the side of your head.

As the attack progresses its as though it gets more and more painful as if it is trying to reach a peak. A point in witch the body says no more and switches off. This has only happened to me a couple of times and i can honestly say its one of the most horrifying feelings i have ever had. When you come round your head throbs and feels like its going to explode. Your eye sight is blurry for a while and you feel light headed and sick. Then you suddenly realise you are still in pain and the attack hasn’t finished and within seconds you are back to holding your head and wishing you could just break it open and let out all the pain. Finally when the attack is over you are still left with a painful back and strange feelings like you have been stabbed all the time. You also get pains across the chest into the muscles making them spasm and scare you half to death. What a start to Christmas!

Attack from the Beast, No Sleep and lots of pain…. Merry Christmas!

What a night i have had, so far i have had six big attacks all starting from 11pm yesterday evening and have run through the night and into the early hours of this morning with my last attack finishing only 2 minuets ago, at 6.30am. All he attacks have big nasty ones that not only caused pain in and over the head but also right down the side of my back on the left side and also on my left shoulder and left chest muscles. I feel like death warmed up as i have had very little sleep due to the head always waking me up just after i manage to drop off.

The worst part was that each time i woke up it was to a big attack so i ended up not going back to sleep so i didn't have to wake up into an attack. I know it sounds crazy but since i have stayed awake i haven’t yet had another attack. Because i kept forcing myself to go back to sleep after an attack must have had an effect on me as i just kept waking up and then having an attack within minuets of opening my eyes. I don’t get any other warning signs apart from being wide awake as soon as i open my eyes and then the attack seems to build within seconds.

It is also having an effect on my back and the last few days have been agony when trying to walk to the supermarket and bring shopping back to the flat. Especially when carrying a heavy shopping bag i end up in real agony and have to stop around 10 times before i manage to get back to the flat and considering my flat is only 10 minuets walk from the supermarket it is just crazy. Even with out any shopping, on the way there for example, i sometimes end up getting sharp pain in the centre of my back and then after a couple of minuets walking it spreads into my bum cheeks and then the lags also start to hurt.

The last time i had all this was when i was getting problems with my bowels. This was due to the strong dose and combination of medication i was taking and now that i reduced my Pregabilin to ease the side effects and the bowel problems i seem to be getting more attacks again. Not only have the attacks increased but now i am getting worst pains in the back and even more problems when i am walking. I know its not the medication causing it and my blood tests showed nothing out of the ordinary apart from high cholesterol so it must be the nerve that is causing all the back and walking troubles.

It is probably the same nerve that is playing up in the head and causing my condition to be so aggressive. I am hoping the neurologist will be in touch soon with my new appointment and maybe then i will get some answers as i am getting no where with my normal doctor. It’s crazy as it takes 2 weeks to get a normal appointment with your doctor and can then also take up to 4 weeks if they are very busy like mine has been for a while. By the time you get your appointment what ever was wrong with you may have eased away or got slightly better so by the time you actually get seen they are not seeing the full extent of the problems. You can’t keep ringing up for emergency appointments, to be seem the same day, as they get fed up with this and threaten to take you off the register so you have to find a new doctor.

How do you know what is an emergency and what isn’t? When you are in pain as far as you are concerned it is always an emergency so o think the way the doctors have it set up at the moment is crazy and trying to get appointments is madness. Waiting for hospital appointments is also crazy as the NHS has such long waiting lists. I am still waiting for my MRI scan on the spine and neck to see what is going on and have been waiting months so far. I know i won’t hear anything until the new year and it will probably be about summer time before i get seen by them and have the scan. As soon as i have the scan and the doctor gets the results she will be able to finally see what is going on in the neck and shoulder and also at the base of the spine to see why my walking is effected so much. I am still placing my bets on the nerve that controls the left side of the body. I am sure it is that nerve that is damaged and has been causing all these problems.

Yet another early morning start to the day….

Again woken in the early hours but this time it wasn’t from the beast and an attack but from sharp pains in the neck and back making it very uncomfortable to lay in bed. Each time i moved i would get a sharp pain shoot right up my back and into my neck on the left side of the body. I have had some strange things go on ever since my head started playing up with my condition but these are the worst i have felt in the back for a long while. It all started yesterday when i decided to get out of the flat for a bit and get some fresh air by taking a walk to the supermarket and get some fresh milk and bread. On the way over i suddenly had problems walking as my back began to hurt like nothing i have ever experienced and the pain spread into my bum cheeks. I ended up having to sit on a bench half way there and try and ease the pain i was getting. By the time i got to the supermarket i could hardly walk around the store to do my shopping.

After i had grabbed the items i wanted i then made my way back only to be greeted with exactly the same pains and problems but this time it was worst due to me carrying a bag full of shopping. If i placed the shopping in my right hand then i would get pain in my left bum cheek and on the left side of my back and the same if i put the shopping in my left hand i would get pains on the right side of my back and again spreading into my bum cheek. As to what is causing these problems i don;t know i can only assume it is the nerve playing up and that's why i am getting these pains.

The last time i had these kind of problems was when my bowels were playing up something rotten and that was down to the level of medication i was taking. Now i am at a level that doesn’t upset my stomach so bad but still i seem to have developed problems with my walking and movement again. I am assuming it is all down to the nerve that causes my attacks in the first place. I have had a couple of occasions where i was building to an attack when it suddenly stopped and instead of it spreading from the neck upwards over the top of the head and behind the eye it went the other direction and down the side of my back to the base of my spine. I am wondering if that could be what is causing the walking problems and back pains.

Only a few more days to go before its Christmas once again and i get to spend a couple of days with my mother and step father and brother. I have done all my Christmas shopping this tear early so i don’t have to worry about rushing around last minuet shopping. The only shopping i have left to do is for myself if i want any treats over the xmas holiday period but i am not in the mood nor do i fancy anything so i may not even bother yet. The only thing i really want for Christmas is to be pain free but i can’t see me getting that this year as they still have to change my medication in order to find the correct combination so i have a while before i can say i will be pain and attack free.

Still feel a little woozy …… “Ding Ding!”

After ringing my bell the other day and now ending up with a big scab on the forehead, where my fall resulted in the skin being torn off my head, I have been feeling rather sluggish and tired all the time. I know i had concussion as i was so sick after the bang on the head but the best cure for concussion is rest and i have been getting plenty of that. Mind you my sleep has been very restless so maybe i am not actually getting the rest i need as i keep tossing and turning most nights just to then be woken at 3am by the Beast and having to deal with an attack first thing in the morning. The headache i had when the bump on the head happened has thankfully gone and my head is no longer throbbing. My appetite has come back and the ringing in my ears is no longer loud. I still feel a little tired and a bit stunned but that's only to be expected after such an incident.

With the weather being so cold and unpredictable at the moment i haven’t had a chance to get any winter fishing in. I am hoping in the new year that the weather will settle down a bit and i will be able to get out and do some fishing. I decided to treat myself to a new rod holdall and set of bait alarms with receiver. The rod holdall allows the fisherman to have 3 ready made up rods and 3 spare rods all kept neatly inside a bag with pockets to hold accessories and nets or umbrellas. Having the rods ready done like this saves a lot of time on the bankside and means you can get out fishing a lot sooner than normal instead of having to set up each rod individually making half your time rig building instead of trying to catch them. The alarms i chose are a new design with different sensitivity settings so you can control what the alarms do depending on how the fish are feeding. Not only do they have new features but also come with a receiver so there's no mistaking someone else's alarm at the bank side as the receiver vibrates when you get a bite so you know for sure its your rods that have gone off.

One thing i will have to do if i do go fishing in the winter is make sure i wrap up properly as the cold seems to be setting off my attacks a lot more regularly. I am having to wear my woollen hat in bed at nights just lately. It makes no difference if i have the heat on on all night or if i let it cool down, if the weather is cold outside and wet then i will get an attack. If we have a low pressure system above out city i end up getting attacks. When i wake in the early hours due to the attacks building in my sleep i end up feeling a cold band around the top of my head like a ring of ice. Before i start any winter fishing i better make sure i have the proper clothing to cope with the conditions and make sure i remain dry even in the worst of rain.

Have knocked myself unconscious…oooops!

Now being woken up in the early hours of the morning by an attack from the beast and having to fight the strong pain for over an hour is no surprise but to knock myself out in the process of dealing with an attack is a new thing and boy has it left me with a sore head and a nice cut and bruise above the right eye just under the hairline. It all happened at about 3am this morning when i was woken up as usual by the feeling of pressure building on the left side of the head and sharp pains shooting from the neck over the top of the head into the eye. I jumped out of bed and rushed into the living room to grab my injection and took it. As i went to go and sit on the sofa i tripped as i caught my foot on the bottom of the computer chair. As i fell i twisted and caught the to of my head on the side of the coffee table and the wall and managed to knock myself clean out.

I don't know how long i was there for but i know it was for quite a while. When i cam round i opened my eyes and everything was blurry and  remained that way for some time. I managed to get to my knees and felt very light headed and sick. I then jumped to my feet and ran to the toilet as i threw up like there was no tomorrow. I had obviously caused concussion that was why i was seeing double and feeling so sick. I remained like this for around 10 minuets and was actually considering calling 999 especially if my vision didn’t clear up. It was about 15 minuets and then my vision came back and my head started to thump from where i had hit it. I took a look in the mirror and saw that i had grazed the top of my head just where the hair stops before it goes down to your eyes just on the forehead. I must have hit it with some force as it has rung my bell and i am still feeling a little dizzy but at least the sickness has gone.

The attack didn't seem to come back after the bang on the head and i think its because the body is now dealing with something new. The right side of my head feels warm to the touch and it still hurts when i touch it. I did actually manage to get back to sleep after the bump on the head witch is strange in itself as i normally stay awake after an attack as it keep irritating the neck when i lay flat on the bed. The bump on the head and the possible concussion probably helped me to drop off to sleep. A different approach to a sleeping tablet i suppose. It’s as bad as having a mallet by the side of the bead and knocking yourself out to go to sleep, that’s the picture i have in my mind. I don’t think i ever want to go through that ever again. The sick feeling and the blurred vision really did scare me.

I know i get scared from my attacks some times but this was different, this time i thought i had actually done something myself and the bang on the head just made me picture cracking my skull open or worst giving myself a blood clot to the brain. Thank god it was only a bump and no real damage was done. It still hurts like hell at the moment but that's only to be expected, it was a big bang on the head. I think it’s going to be sore for a while and the bruising is still to come out. Having the headache is bad enough so i a hoping the beast doesn't return today and i have a break from the attacks as i need to recover from this first. The last thing i need is bad pain on both sides of the head i don’t think i will be able to cope.

Another attack but feeling a bit more positive…

Yet again i was woken this morning at 4 am by the beast and an attack that has left me feeling like the walking dead. Todays attack has left my neck feeling really painful and every time i move it its seems to be trying to set off another attack so i am trying to take it easy this morning. I am getting some really sharp pains on the left side of the neck and think it is a nerve that is trapped there causing me these pains. I normally end up with a sore neck but have never had these type of pains before so i know its something new. Maybe when i was rocking about and moving my neck when in agony, trying to deal with the attack, it is possible i have pulled a muscle or trapped a nerve and am now getting the pains and soreness after the attack has ease away. I am hoping this rectifies itself soon as it is very painful and annoying.

Again this morning when i woke i could feel a cold band around the top of my head so i am assuming it is the drop in temperature and the cold that has triggered my attacks again and that is he reason i have been so bad over the last few days. It didn’t help that i caught a nasty cold and actually thought i had the flu it was so bad. Even though i had had the flu injection a month earlier i still ended up suffering and having to take lots of cold and flu medication. I am also wondering whether the pain i used to do the flat had something to do with me feeling poorly last week. It didn't matter when we were painting the walls but when it came to do all the skirting boards, doors and door frames , the gloss paint seemed to be very powerful and the smell took 3 days before i could honestly say it had gone from the flat. I had to have the windows open all the time when painting as it kept making me feel sickie and made my eyes water every now and again.

I remember when i was younger and they were painting the walls at my mothers works and we were warned about the pain and breathing in the fumes as back in the day they used to used lead in the pain to make it last longer on the walls. i know this has since been banned for many years so i don’t think pain has the lead content any more but there is something else in the pain that seems to irritate my chest and eyes. My brother is completely allergic to certain paints especially gloss and if he breathes in the fumes he ends up really ill for ages, i wonder if its a family thing and we are all allergic to the fumes in some kind of way.

Well at least my flat is almost complete and all the hard work has been done. There is only the floor to go down in the hallway witch i shall do early this week and then its just the bedroom to be done in the new year when i buy a new bedroom set. Then in the new year the council will be coming to fit new bathroom and kitchen suites so the whole flat will look like new again. I really can’t wait for it to be completed as it will be like moving into a new flat. It has made such a difference so far with all the decorating we have done.

For the first time in ages i have been waking up in the mornings with a smile on my face despite having attacks as when i walk into my front room and look at all the nice decorating and furniture it makes me feel like its my home. It has taken 10 years to make my flat feel like home again, not that i didn’t want to do this a long time ago, i just wasn’t well enough to do it. If i started to decorate i would get half way through a job and then i would have an attack and that would be the end of it, i would just leave the job unfinished. Lets hope this is the beginning of a new chapter in my life and hopefully things will now start to improve. Let’s hope after the new year, when i finally get to see the specialist again and put onto another medication, i will finally start to get these attacks under control and learn to keep the beast asleep. Fingers crossed 2014 will be a brilliant year and a new start for me, they say life begins at 40, let’s see if they are right!

Attacked by the Beast again this morning…..

Yet again i was woken this morning by the Beast and an attacks from hell. Thankfully it wasn’t early morning like normal and it wasn't until 7am when the attack struck so i managed to get plenty of sleep and rest before i was disturbed by the beast. The pain started behind the eye like normal and spread over the top of the head into the base of the neck. The left side of my head became swollen as it usually does and the pain was so bad it made my left eye close and swell. I started to break out into sweats like someone had turned on my water tap and it was just running off me soaking my t-shirt and shorts. The pain continued to spread down the back of the left side of my back under my shoulder blade and also from my neck down the front of my chest again on the left side toward the heart.

No matter how many attacks i get i still can’t get used to the level of pain it brings with it. You would have thought after suffering for so long with this condition you would get used to it by now but i don’t think i will ever get used to this kind of pain. Its just way too much to handle! Now the attack is over it has left me with a sore neck so every time i move my head i get sharp pain in the neck and an ache as bad as tooth ache. Also my back is in agony, all down the left side of my back under my shoulder blade feels like someone has drawn a line with a sharp blade down the back (that's exactly how it feels) like a sharp cutting pain half way down the left hand side of my back. My eye still feels a little sore and the head is still throbbing but this will go as the day goes on but the problems with the sore back and neck will usually last the entire day if not a couple of days or until the next attack.

The cold weather over the last few days seems to have been setting off my attacks and every time i have gone out into the cold wet weather i have ended up in agony so yet again i am shut away in my flat trying to stay away from the cold and rain and avoid getting any attacks. The trouble is i urn into a hermit when the weather is like this and tend not to go out anywhere even if i am invited. I prefer to stay at home where i know i have all my medication and oxygen at hand to help out and deal with an attack when is appears. I will be going out over Christmas but it will only be to my mothers house for dinner and to visit my parents and brother. The rest of the time i will be stuck indoors in the warm trying to stay pain free.

I am looking forwards to next year and a new fishing season as last year we went on lots of fishing trips and i found that my attacks seemed to stay away and the beast stayed asleep while i was out fishing so i will try and get in as many fishing trips in the next year as i possibly can, in between appointments and treatment. This next year we will be travelling a little further around Wales and the different lakes and fisheries that we have not yet fished. I am hoping to get up as far as north Wales and some of the different venues they have been advertising within Facebook. Some of these lakes and fisheries look really nice and i can’t wait to go visit them. So fingers crossed we should have a great new year as far as fishing goes and it will help me cope with all the attacks and pain. You never know the beast could end up going to sleep permanently with the help of the right medication and i could end up attack free, i won’t know if that's at all possible until i have had my next appointment with the neurologist so lets hope it will be soon.

How much more can i take….. i am on the edge!

All day yesterday i was suffering from problems with the nerve and the head kept on playing up. I can only assume its the cold weather that is causing it to play up so badly. The nerve keeps on swelling up and has now spread not only over the top of my head into my neck and across the chest but now its spreading down the left hand side of me and is worst behind the left shoulder. When it is bad it’s like someone is cutting you open with a sharp knife, a slow sharp constant pain just behind the left shoulder blade. This then starts off intermittent pains across the chest just above the heart and the muscle keep[s on having spasms. Some times it makes me feel like i am about to have a heart attack and really scares me and makes me worry a lot.

If it’s not bad enough suffering with the condition and having to put up with these strange pains with out having to worry about stressing over the condition. All stress does is make it all feel worst and makes me worry al the time that something bad is going to happen. I have a constant feeling of doom and gloom waiting for me around the corner and could strike at any time. I could get one big attacks too many and wont recover from it. Yet again, i could get run over by a bus when i walk up the chemist. I have just as much chance of that happening as i do with the big attack to end all. I don’t think it will actually happen but it don't half make you feel horrible thinking about it all the time.

I have been trying to keep myself busy and not dwell on the problems i am having but it so hard not to. It did help when i was decorating the flat for the last 2 weeks as that kept me focused on something different and i would look forwards to making it all new, fresh and clean. I still have a few things to do but these are jobs that will now have to wait until after Christmas. I plan on doing my bedroom but want a new bedroom suite before i go re-decorating it. I also need to do the floor in the hallway and lay some new tiles but i have to wait for John to come with me to get the tiles as there is no way i will be able to carry them home by my self. Something else that keeps annoying me as i could just get on with it otherwise!

Have almost completed my Christmas shopping, thankfully i don’t have to stress about finding my mother something for Christmas as she would like to have her hair done and be pampered at the hair dressers so for a treat i will give her the money to go and have a few hours of pampering. My step father is also easy to get presents for as both him and my mother breed birds, parakeets and parrots to be exact, and their upkeep can become expensive so i will give him money to spend on his birds and do with how he sees fit. At least this way i know they will both do or get something they want for Christmas instead of taking the chance by getting something that they may or may not like. My brother was easy to buy for as he broke his computer chair so this year i decided to treat him to a brand new one from the company that makes the strong smart chairs. He’s a big guy so he needs something that's not going to fold under his weight and not last five minuets due to shoddy components and workmanship. Paying the extra few pennies may ensure it will last that little bit longer than normal.

Again i was woken at 4am this morning with a threat of an attack but thankfully it didn't develop into a big attack and it has eased off for the time being. It doesn’t mean i could go back to sleep, oh no i wouldn’t have been that lucky. Instead it has been shooting pains up and down the nerve in the back behind the shoulder blade and also chest pains every now and again making me worry even more. I am really starting to get fed up with waiting for my new appointment with the specialist. Its as if now that i have my diagnosis and oxygen then don’t want to know anymore and are leaving me to suffer in pain on my own. I don’t know how much more i can take as its really stating to get to me again. I don’t think i can go on like this so i am going to book an appointment to see my doctor and ask for her help. I keep chasing the specialist and leaving messages on his secretary's answer machine but they never get back to me and i have still heard nothing.

How someone can be left to suffer so much on their own with no help or any way of getting any relief is just beyond my understanding. How can they let me suffer like this. If i was a dog they would have put me down by now the amount of attacks and problems i have been having. Now to top things off i am getting problems with my back again. This time there is no way it can be the medication again. If it is i am going to scream as it would mean i would have to stop the Pregabilin treatment all over again and with out anything what so ever to help with the pains and the attacks i am going to be in a world of hurt.

So much for having the flu jab…..

And there was me thinking that by having the flu injection it would automatically stop you from getting the flu. Wrong! As the last couple of days i seem to have come down with the flu. Every symptom points to the flu and boy do i feel bad. If it has stopped the worst of the flu then i dread to think what i could be like. The last couple of days i haven't been able to do anything as i just don't have the strength and feel so ill. I feel sick all the time, so bad i don’t want to eat anything and have no appetite what so ever. All i can smell and taste is this funky flu smell and taste that i always seem to get when i have the flu. Also the amount of sweat pouring off me is unbelievable and i have to force myself to drink water as i am dehydrating so fast, My temperature is through the roof, my muscles ache all over and hurt when i move. My head starts to throb and feels like it is about to explode when i sit up and move about. All sounds seem to be muffled and my throat feels like i have been trying to eat glass or barbed wire it is so sore.

Yesterday i ran out of cold and flu medication and had to ring my mother to grab me some as there was just no way on this earth i would have been able to make it to the supermarket. I wouldn’t have made it pat the corner of my street i feel so weak and ill. All i have been able to do is lay in my bad wrapped up and sleep as much as i possibly can. It is difficult when your head is bad and it keeps threatening top set off the beast and give you a massive attack. Its the last thing you want when you are feeling so ill and weak. I have been lucky as i haven’t had that many attacks while i have been ill. I think the body is feeling sorry for me and must think i am going through enough with out the help from the Beast.

I am lucky in one respect as i had to wait for a parcel anyway so i wouldn’t have been able to go out and do any shopping just in case i missed the parcel. It’s my Christmas present to myself, i decided to treat myself to my new Carp Rod holdall that holds 3 rods made up ready to fish and 3 spare rods plus it has pockets for fishing umbrellas and bank sticks and special pouches for your bite alarms. I have also bought myself a new set of alarms with receiver so you don;t have to have your alarms turned up so loud and annoy other fishermen.

I thought after doing my flat and working hard for 2 weeks to get it all finished i deserved a treat and as i would be doing a lot of fishing over the next few years i would get a few items that i needed or wanted to make my fishing a little more comfortable.   In the new year i will be getting new fishing bed-chairs for when we do over night fishing and camping out over the weekend. I am hoping that my parcel arrives today as it was due any day now. I can’t wait i am so excited its just a shame i have no strength to show it. Lets hope i shift this flu/cold soon and get back to my normal self, if there is such a thing anymore.

Trying to keep busy but head cold slowing me down ….

I was again woken at 3 am this morning but not only by the attack from the Beast but also due to me feeling really ill and poorly. All of a sudden i have woken up with a stuffy nose, sore throat and heavy head. Also i seem to be running a temperature and keep getting hot and cold sweats as well as feeling weak and every bone in the body is aching. At first i thought i must have the flu but then remembered i had my flu injection last month so the worst it can be really is a bad head cold. What ever it is its making me feel really poorly and also making my head and nerve play up something rotten.

Not only am i getting the attacks and the head pain but the pain is also travelling down the back behind my shoulder blade again and also across the front of the chest towards the heart. every time i get pain and twinges in the front muscle i keep feeling like i am going to have a heart attack and panic begins to set in. I have to keep reminding myself its only the nerve and muscles causing the pain and nothing to do with the heart but it takes me a while to calm down again.

All over the weekend i have been getting these pains in the back and chest from the CH attacks. i know its is definitely the nerve as it only starts when my head is bad and the pains don’t appear unless i have been getting attacks. The head pain is still as strong as ever and sometimes i feel like it is getting stronger as time goes on. I can’t wait for my next appointment to finally get some other medication in order to deal with these attacks. I have been keeping busy with the flat and re-decorating so i don’t dwell on my illness all the time.

Thankfully my mate John has been a godsend with the decorating and has been there to tackle the worst jobs so i could get on with stuff i can actually do with out causing an attack to appear. By working together we managed to completely gut and re-decorate the entire flat and clean t from top to bottom as we went from room to room. So far all the work is done apart from the floor in the hallway and the floor in the bathroom. I am laying a laminate flooring in the bathroom so am waiting for John to call later today with his saw so we can cut the wooden pieces and get them laid down properly. It will look nice with a nice dark wooden floor to finish it off.

The hall way will be tiles as i decided on them as they are easy to replace if they get damaged and so easy to clean. I am hoping for the wooden block look but don’t mind plain tiles in black and white as i think that would make the floor look retro and finish off the hallway as the walls are different shades of blue with glossy white skirts and borders. The black and white flooring would finish the look completely. I will have to see what they have in stock and just make up my mind at the time. I can always change them later if i want as doing it this way makes it so cheap and easy to maintain.

EE best network ever? NOT! ….

Woken by the Beast and awake since 3 am has left me feeling like a zombie with a sore head. I also have a stuffy nose and slightly sore throat so i believe i have a bit of a head cold witch is not good especially for me as i tend to get a lot of attacks when i am feeling poorly and especially with a sore head. MY back is also sore from all the painting i have done over the last 2 weeks. At least it is almost finished with just a couple of doors to gloss and a floor to lay and the flat is completely re-decorated.

I am really angry at Orange Mobile at the moment on the so called EE network. I was quite happy with my Blackberry mobile and keeping in touch with my family via BBM. It made life easier for us to keep in touch so i stuck with it for some time now. Orange then call me up and say because i have stayed with they for a while they will give me an amazing deal on a Sim only contract and i will be able to keep the same number making it easier for me to keep in touch all the time and not have to top up all the time so i thought ye why not.

Worst mistake EVER! The put me on a contract that didn't include the blackberry services s i couldn’t use my BBM or get my e-mails. I then rang then the very next day after setting up the sim and transferring my number and told them what was wrong. I spoke with a woman who told me they would turn the data service on and it would take 24 hours to come into effect. Nothing happened so i telephoned back and spoke to another woman who said there was a problem with the service and they wouldn't leave me in limbo and would get it sorted in another 24 hours.

Again NOTHING happened so i finally telephoned and when crazy with this poor guy who must have had to move the phone away from his ear when i exploded. I then apologised to him and asked to speak to a manager. Finally i spoke with the manager whom apologised for the error but i cant get the BBM services enabled until the next bill date witch is the 2nd January 2014! I couldn’t believe what i was hearing. I told him its their fault and he agreed and said it was the person who set up the account who made the error and they would be dealt with but in the meantime there's nothing i can do except wait.

If it wasn't for the fact my mobile number is very important, as all medical persons know that number to get in touch with, me and also my family, i would just get a new sim and cancel the direct debit on them and tell them to stick it. I may even do that yet, lets see what happens next from them. They ill probably try and charge me for all my phone calls next, they got another thing coming!

My body feels like it’s been run over by a bus…

Another attack from the Beast this morning resulting in a 3am wake up call and not being able to go back to sleep due to the constant aches and pains in behind the left rear shoulder blade and down the side of the neck. Also the constant feeling of pressure on the left side of the head and the shooting pains followed by dull aches at the lower back. Again it was the cold that set off the attack in the first place as i could feel a ring of cold around the top of my head. Its strange but ever since i have been getting these attacks i get this strange cold band around the top of the head and also a dull ringing in my ears that is always there but gets loud when an attack happens. Then during the day the level of the ringing varies from time to time but can become so loud it drowns out background noises.

My body feels like it has been run over by a bus and just left. I ache all over and feel so tired i could drop where i stand. The trouble is when i lay down to rest and try and sleep the pain returns and so does the pressure causing me to become uncomfortable very quickly and i have no chance of falling asleep. I have laid there for hours trying to force myself feeling so tired my eyes were sore but still i could not drop off to sleep as the beast was just waiting to attack again at any moment. I am now left with sharp pain running down my back behind the left shoulder blade as i sit typing up this blog. I am wondering how many other attacks will i gave to go through today?

On a good note! , for a change, we have almost finished decorating the flat. There is one wall to paint white and 2 ceilings to touch up round the edges then its down to the glossing everything white. All the skirting boards and door frames plus all the doors have to be glossed white. I have done most of it but left the doors till the last job as it is always the worst to do. Making sure you have a good finish and no runs on the doors is so important or it just makes them look terrible so i will be taking my time with the doors. John will crack on and o the one wall that's left and the ceilings as i wont be able to stretch up due to my head playing up.

Even when i get attacks i am able to do some tasks but not others and that can become frustrating. Thanks to John and having someone there who can do the tasks you can’t i have managed to fly through the flat in 2 weeks and have completely decorated it from top to bottom. Every wall, window and frame has been cleaned and painted and made to look new and fresh and the entire flat has been re-born. Thanks to a lick of pain, a few new ornaments and the help of a good friend i have been able to put the heart back into my flat and make it my own again, Sat here, looking around at what we have achieved i finally feel at home.

The Beast attacks again this morning..

Again woken by the beast twice this morning one at 2am and the other at 3.30am with an attack from hell. Again it left me with a sore neck and sore back as well as sharp shooting pains over the front of the chest towards my heart. I can feel it is the nerve that is causing it as i can feel what i can only describe as elastic stretched between the joints of the arm and shoulder and up into the neck. It also runs from the back of the head down through the neck and down my back behind the left shoulder blade and each time i move it hurts like hell.

I think decorating the flat has had an effect on my back as the last couple of evenings, where i have been relaxing after a day of decorating, i have had a really sore back and when trying to get to sleep its been murder trying to get my body to relax. Thankfully we have completed most of the work that was needed to be done. We only have one wall in the hallway and the floors to do in the hall and bathroom and then we are complete. Stage 2 will be finished later today i hope leaving the final stage till just after Christmas, a new bedroom suite and re-decorated to the way i have planned.

The last week has been amazing i have seen a huge improvement in my mind set due to the flat being re-decorated and finally i have found the heart in my home and now feel like i want to clean and improve it all the time. Now considering two weeks ago i didn't even want to sweep a floor in the flat, its an amazing difference. I am also surprised hoe cheaply i was able to do everything i wanted in the flat. It has only cost me £200 and that's to do all 4 rooms and the hallway. It could have cost me that just to do one room but thanks to John for doing all the labouring for me as it saved me a fortune plus he brought me some nice little ornaments to put up in the flat that has improved the look and saved me even more money.

Its a good thing that i managed to save money doing the flat especially at this time of year. Christmas is the most expensive time of the year and even though i don’t have many people to buy presents for it still costs a lot of money. The shops need shooting the price they charge for things now days, just to do a basic food shop at Christmas time you need a loan its costs that much. This year i am going to have a simple Christmas as i will be having dinner at my mothers and then in the evening i will be back home in my newly finished flat to chill and enjoy my decorations and watch a good film. As i no longer drink i will be doing exactly the same on new years eve and new years day will be again having dinner at my mothers.

A rest from the Beast, lets hope it lasts….

I actually managed a nice lay in this morning until 8am. This is a real change as i am normally up at 3 or 4am in the morning with bad pains in the head from the beast but this morning the beast must still be sleeping. Lets hope it stays asleep for the rest of the day. I wish it would stay asleep until the end of the week but i think that is asking too much. I have woken up feeling well rested and ready to go for round 2 on my flat and finish off the decorating. I still have the Bedroom , Hallway and Kitchen to complete and with the help from my friend John i should be able to do it all this week. If we do finish this week it means we would have done it 2 weeks ahead of schedule.

Again i started the day with a smile looking at the flat and what has been decorated already. I have had so many different ideas flash through my mind and can’t wait until the flat is completely finished. It has born a new love for my home and actually feels like my home for the first time ever and i am proud of it. Before now if someone called at the flat i would keep them on the door step and unless it was a close friend i wouldn’t even let them into the flat as i was shamed at what the flat was like but now i am happy to invite people in and proud of what we have accomplished in such a short period of time. Why i didn’t do this sooner i don’t know but at least it is now getting done, better late than never.

I can’t get over how quick this year seems to have flown by. It only feels like yesterday i was starting out on my fishing adventure and starting up the new web site Fishing Adventures Wales. We have had a great years fishing and seen quite a few fisheries and lakes bringing us some brilliant fishing. I managed to catch quite a lot of fish this year as did John and the other members of FAW. We managed a nice holiday down in Cornwall for myself and my mother and step-father, again fishing but at some of the best fishing lakes in the UK. I saw my health yoyo a bit and the problems with my medication cause havoc with my insides. My mother had to have her kidney removed due to cancer and also had a mild heart attack. She has now had the all clear but will have to be monitored closely for quite some time i think.

Its amazing that even with all the set backs and illnesses getting us down we still managed to have a good year and hopefully this next year will be even better. I have some trips planed for FAW so we will all get a chance of going on holiday this coming year. I am hoping to start a fishing club towards the end of 2014 witch will be born from the web site and the members already joined. My flat will be completed before Christmas and then in the new year the council will be installing a new kitchen suite and bathroom suite making the flat completely fresh and new. I am just hoping that all of us will see some improvement with regards to our health and maybe i will even get these attacks under control and start getting out a bit more in the new year.

A New lease of life and a fresh new home….

Yet again i was woken at 3 am by the Beast but this time it was my own fault as i had forgotten to turn the heating on before i went to bed. When the temperature dropped in the early hours instead of the heating kicking in and warming the flat up i ended up waking up with a freezing cold head and an attack from hell. The cold always seems to set off the worst of my attacks for some reason and is actually one of the main triggers that sets me off every time with out fail. I am praying that under new medication this wont be the case and i will be able to handle the cold just as well as anyone else would but for the time being and until i get my next appointment with the specialist i will have to try and stay as warm as possible all the time and try and avoid cold wind and weather when ever possible.

Again i had a smile on my face when waking up to a nice newly decorated flat. I am so impressed with all the work myself and John have managed over the last week. I thought it would at least take a month to complete but it now looks like we will be able to everything within a two week time frame leaving plenty of time before Christmas to get used to it all and maybe even put up some decorations this year. The only thing is i don’t want to spoil all the nice paintwork and decorating that has already been done. I suppose a few small decorations and maybe a small table top tree would be ok just to get me into the spirit of Christmas as long as i don’t use tape to put the decorations up. The last time i did that i ended up peeling half the pain off the walls when i took them down so i won’t be repeating that with my newly decorated walls.

Having the flat done has really lifted my spirits and has even surprised me as to how happy it has made me feel. I wish i had done this years ago, but don’t know if it would have had the same effect back then as it has had on me now. It has only taken me 10 years to get off my backside and get something done about the decoration of the flat. I have touched up the odd wall here and there and done the odd repair over the last 10 years but never gone through from top to bottom since i actually got the place. I had a so called friend stay for a while who actually destroyed half the flat and my kitchen including a couple of doors as his dog, that he had sleep with him, actually ate its way through the living room door just because he locked it in this one time and the dog wasn’t impressed so tried its best to escape. When i came back out of hospital and had seen what he had don't to the flat i booted him out so quick his backside didn’t touch the floor.

Ever since i had moved back into my flat i just couldn’t put my heart into it. Since the flat was half ruined and i just couldn’t do the work i wanted to do and i just ended up loosing all love for the flat as it no longer felt like my home. Now after 10 years + I have finally put some heart back into the flat and it has started to feel like my home for the first time ever. I am actually enjoying doing the decorating, what i can physically do, as i know its going to look really nice when finished and then will be so easy to maintain and clean. For the first time in a long long time i am no longer embarrassed by the flat i live in and am proud of the work that we have accomplished. When the flat is totally complete i will be able to put my feet up in my new home and enjoy Christmas. For the first time in ages i am not sad to wake up in the mornings.