I was actually trying to leave my blog for a while and post an update when i was actually starting to feel better and my health had improved as i was starting to get fed up with all the doom and gloom, cant help you with this illness, can't help you with that illness, basically i was getting fed up with being told they know what the pain is and why its being caused but we can't treat it or cure it or even help you. OK, you might think i am being a bit dramatic thinking this was but believe me when you have been smashing your head against a wall for over 15 years and when you do finally find out what is causing you all the pain you are told there is nothing they can do or there is no treatment known for it, you start to become a bit bitter. Then when you are told normal thing like hiatus hernia can't be operated on due to its position and its not life or death so they wont invest in the kind of surgery needed, not that i want my chest cracked open, and told i now have a severe re-flux condition and once again nothing can be done about it and i have to learn to live with it, starts to get you a bit mad.
As if that wasn't bad enough i then start having severe problems such as loosing the feeling in my legs, my left side of my body, numbness and sharp pain all over the left side of my body and after loads of MRI , scans, x-rays and investigation they finally tell me that its the main nerves in my neck and guess what ! NOTHING CAN BE DONE! other than a treatment i could loose the feeling in my left side of my body or total feeling all over just from an injection into the nerve. The risks are so high that the only other option is again to learn to live with the pain and manage it with painkillers and medications until it gets to a point where i can no longer live with it and i have to have the treatment risks an all. Its just its really getting to me that each time i finally get a diagnosis and find out whats going on it turns out to be something that is quite serious and i can't do anything about. All of these problems are life changing illnesses on their own as you have to adjust your lifestyle to compensate for the problem.
I have tried to do as much as i can in order to make my life a bit easier. I manage the cluster attacks despite being a chronic sufferer and getting them daily, through exercises, medication, oxygen and injections , oh! and a lot of git i manage to live with them and put up with the condition despite it not letting me work, go out and enjoy normal things, sports etc.
I then adjusted my life for a second time to accommodate the hiatus hernia, changing the way i eat and what i eat and the way i do things around the flat and now again i have to change my entire lifestyle for the damaged nerves and the problems it is now causing me not to mention the pains. That's the main reason i wasn't writing so many updates on my blog, because i am fed up with being ill all the bloody time. Just once i would love to be able to say, I got up and went for a lovely long walk in the sun this morning instead of the same old routine day in day out.The closest i get to that now days is hanging out the bloody window first thing in morning or only when i actually manage to get out and do some fishing or walk around the shop in morning as its close. The pain becomes so bad when i walk after 5 or 10 mins on my feet i feel like someone has bettered me around the lower back with a bat or pole or something. The muscles in the back become so sore its crazy.
Well that's me done for another month with all the moaning and winging once again. The health has't improved in facts its slowly getting worst as i grow older so its inevitable its going to become a real problem one day soon but until then i will continue to struggle on and try and keep my chin up no matter how much it annoys me. This year i am going to try and get out and do as much fishing as i can. I started this month with a big session down at the local lake for 5 days so now the next month i will do a couple of 2 and 3 day sessions so i can spend as much time outdoors as possible as i feel so much better when out and about and in the fresh air. Lets hope i can come to terms with this damaged nerve and learn quickly how to control it or at least live with the problems it causes.
Fingers crossed eh!
