Once again as the colder and wetter moths arrive and the temperatures start dropping the beast returns and bot what a come back its been. It was bad enough the damaged nerves in the neck and back causing so much pain it put a stop to my fishing early once again but now along come the beast. From managing my condition with between 1 and 3 tacks p[er day 50% of the week now all of a sudden they jump back up to 4 or 5 when bad and most days at least 1 or 2. I am finding the pain in the back and neck increasing during each attack and its aggravating the clusters resulting in double the amount of attacks i should normally get.
Yesterday i had an attack that i will never forget, not only did i think i was going to die which normally happens during an attack but this was different. A strange feeling cam over my entire body towards the end of the attack. i have never felt energy drain like it. It feel like every thing slowed my breathing , my movements and my heart rate as if i was suddenly placed on slow mo mode but the rest of the world around me was still going fast. The pain was so intense i couldn't even think and the amount of sweat pouring off my body was just unreal. I have had some bad cluster attacks before but this one shook me up. Iy must have been the 4th Attack of the day. I had aborted 2 with Oxygen and rode out the 3rd so i didn't have to use my injections and then on the 4th i was glad i did use the injection as i don't think i would have made it through with out.
Now i have been suffering this condition for years and my main stress outlet was fishing. Its something i love to do so much and relax when i am laying calm inside the bivvy waiting for fish to bite. Peace and quiet and not a worry in the world. it helps me to forget about the clusters and my health problems and just concentrate on something i enjoy. Now the problem i have is over the last 4 or 5 years the nerve pain and damage has been steadily getting worst. This has meant and rapid decrease in the amount of times i have managed to get out fishing and i am finding it is starting to have an effect on my mental health. Its bad enough dealing wit all these health problems at the same time let alone the depression and anxiety it brings with it but now i am slowly loosing the only outlet other than this blog i have to help me deal with it all.
I am starting to think i will have n other choice but to take the option of the cervical nerve root block which could result in loosing complete mobility in the left side or feeling and that would then make mt fishing very difficult. I know there is help out there for disabled anglers who want to continue the sport but when you are fighting to keep your mobility and independence it doesn't really make you feel any better. I will continue to fight this for as long as i possible can but things are not looking good. All i can do for now is take each day as it comes and hope to god this winter isn't going to be as bad as i fear it will be with the colder weather approaching. I am praying i manage to get out at ;least a couple more times before the worst of winter is here, and that is only if the back and nerve play ball. So far its just not behaving and causing me so many problems it makes you want to scream. All i can do is wait and see what tomorrow brings.........
