Understanding the Beast

By Martyn Russ

Over the last 14 Years i have had more attacks that anyone could possible imagine, 8 Times a day I would have to fight the beast for longer than an hour each time. Every time you fight the pain gets stronger. They say amputation with out anaesthetic is a close to describing the pain but i say they are way off!, its 1000s of times worst. The closes way of explaining is imagine all your toothaches and abscesses you have in your entire life all happen at once and not just for a while oh no 10 years on and off each day. And that strong nerve pain doesn't stay in the tooth area oh no!, It runs behind your eye then over the top of your head and into the back of you neck so making the whole left side of the face feel that same pain as the nerve of the tooth, Sharp, Pulsing, Agonising “PAIN”  Then comes the Battle with Depression Every Day saying it will End and trying to convince yourself there's an end in sight when in reality you know you are just waiting for the next. Scared to go outside in fear of the next attack, ashamed of people seeing you in this way wanting to help and only do good but there's nothing that can be done and it makes it worst with the attention it brings to you. You take all the medication you are told to and even out up with the side effects that make you ill just to try and live a normal day with no pain. Your health goes down hill rapidly as you are on strong medication all the time and aches and pains that wouldn't bother you start to become a problem. You find yourself having difficulty just walking to the shop or doing the cleaning. You slowly loose you self independence and sometimes wonder what's it all for. Its then at my lowest when i think is it really worth all this pain and agony and there s a little voice inside my head says “Yes, Martyn”,” Your worth more than this, this isn't the end its just a change at half time” I Can learn to live with the condition providing i have my 2 injections per day as that's seems to b working, i know there no cure but they can help in ways i just have to be strong and fight the best all the way to the end, i could even beat it!

Relying on your Injections to live a normal life, i understand now….

I know i have had a lot of attacks just lately and it started getting worst a couple of months ago when i was having the allergic reactions all the time. I ended up having to go into the doctors twice for a prescription for more injections as i was only on half dose and didn't want to cost the system too much money with me not using them and stockpiling (i wish i had). After having 2 bad months and having to increase my dose i told my doctor to put them back up to 56 a month (2 a day) ready for the winter as i have been bad lately. She did this and i thought everything was sorted.

I go into my local chemist who takes care of all my medication and all my repeats so i don't have to worry about them or miss medication. They also help to watch what i am tacking and even dose out the injections weekly so i can have 2 per day per week and don't get tempted into taking more that i should.  They watch all my medication closely and even notice when something is wrong with me so i have stayed with this chemist from the beginning. As i approached the counter the woman said ” Martyn; is there a reason why they would stop your injections”; “Certainly Not” i said d “Well there are NONE on your script for the month.” . I contacted the doctors to find out my doctor is on leave and somehow a mistake had been mistaken so they would do a script for 28. Me thinking they meant 28 boxes , 56 injections i said “OK”m i went to collect them. I was horrified when i saw the script.

I Rang the doctors back and was basically told there was nothing i can do and my doctor is away on leave and i would have to wait until she came back.  I am fed up with these excuses all the time something goes wrong with my medication if it not the injections if its the laxatives, or something else missing fro the script, I ended up ringing through at lunch time and spoke with the doctor in person and when i explained the problem he agreed to write a prescription for 56 injections and it will be waiting there the next day for me. Now why couldn't they just do that in the first place.

This last week has been really stressful and a lot of things have been going wrong. My PC broke but managed to fix it and now am running Windows 10 witch isn't that bad really when you get used to it. Tried to order a screen for my mobile as i smashed it and its going to take 2 weeks to come and that's annoying as its like looking at a cracked mirror all the time even though it still works. The weather is looking good this weekend so i might get out and do a bit of fishing and see if can get a bit of fresh air. My mate Brian has agreed to drop me down and pick me up he may even join me yet depends how busy he is. Lets hope the weather holds and so does the health. Fingers Crossed

More Up’s and Down’s Than a Yoyo !

Every time i think i am starting to get better and the attacks reduce and the allergies and side effects of the medication start to ease and stop  along comes a weather front to kick off the attacks all over again. Why the weather seems to have so much of an active roll in why my attacks set off is beyond me understanding but i can only assume its when we get low pressure changing to high or high changing to low. You mustn’t forget that cold is also a major factor of my attacks as even though the weather is still warm, all it takes is a cold breeze to blow constantly in my left eye for a period of time and it set’s off my attacks. When winter comes i literally become a hermit and hide away from the out doors due to this problem

This hiding away has become a big problem over the last 2 years as i no longer have a social life and only a few real true friends that visit me other than family. As i tend not to go out anymore it seems like everyone has drifted away. My good friends take time out to come round and see how i am doing  even if it is only once a week it gives me that incentive to try and fight the beast and get out and about a bit more. I have really struggled the last 2 years to even get out and do some fishing my health has been so up and down like a yoyo its crazy. I have managed a few trips and find i feel so much better for a while afterwards due to being out in the fresh air for a long period really does help.

Well at the moment i am starting to feel a little batter than i have been despite getting some bad pain in the back and chest area. I think the chest is the hernia playing up but it is still scary and you always feel the worst. I am hoping to get out and get some fresh air this weekend despite there going to be showers and my step father Brian also wants to get out and do some fishing so we planned a trip to the local lake and give a bit of Carp fishing a go and see if we can catch some lumps. Fingers crossed the weather wont be that bad and is currently following the same pattern as sun during day with the odd shower and a little cloud. This is perfect fishing weather.

I have been trying to stop my Omeprazole so i can get some blood tests done but can only manage to go 2 and a half days with out then i get so bad i throw up loads of acid and feel terrible. I need to go 2 weeks constant so i can get the blood tests done so i am going to talk with the doctor on my next six week appointment and check up to see what i can do about it. I only have to wait till Monday so its not too bad i haven't got to wait weeks for an appointment when they are really busy. Lets hope she can figure something out and why i keep getting allergy reactions every now and again.