Fresh new flat is start of claiming back some of my life that the Beast took away ….

Again woken by the Beast this morning with an attack that lasted just over an hour and again almost over powered the injection completely. The attack was so big the pain has spread right down the back on the left side and especially behind the shoulder blade. the pain is really sharp and no matter what you do it just doesn't ease up. As well as the back i am also getting sharp pain over the front across the chest towards the heart. I know its the nerve as i can actually feel it like a bit of elastic stretched to the areas of pain. I can feel it run up the side of my neck and into the base of the skull. Then it stretches over the top of the head and the enters back in behind the eye and down the side of the nose to the top of your jaw. Its a pain so strong that you have no way of describing it to some one. The level is so high you wish for death and will do anything to make it stop.

Today was the first day i can actually say i had a smile on my face when entering the front room. Not because the attack was over but because i have completed stage one of my re-decorating the entire flat. Thanks to my good friend John Rees, for doing all the hard labour for me, we have completed the bathroom and the living room and already started on the kitchen and hallway. The bathroom is amazing, designed by John himself, he decided to put some art work on the main wall to make it stand out and using blue. cream and a gentle touch of lemon yellow he has made the bathroom look really nice. The living room i am really proud off as it has turned out extremely nice. When i walked in this morning it was like walking into a show home and for the first time in 10 years it actually felt like my home. With a feature wall in marble blue and art work in an arc pattern it really does look smart and very calming. A nice soft black, silver and beige carpet makes the room really warm and comfortable feeling. Also with new beige Curtains and throws over the furniture to make it all look fresh and new it really does feel like i am finally home.

Stage 2 will be to complete the hallway and kitchen and then the final stage will be the bedroom.At the rate we are working we should have it all done well in time for Christmas. So for a nice treat to myself i will have a new flat for Christmas. I can’t wait until it is finished it really does look nice and keeps putting a smile on my face. I will now be able to relax in my home and concentrate on getting myself well and beating the Beast. Knowing i wont have to decorate for a while and the flat is now so easy to keep clean really takes a lot of stress off your head as it becomes frustrating when you can do the simplest of tasks because you are having attacks all the time. A simple job like painting a wall become a massive adventure and takes days instead of minuets.

Now with the flat taken care off i will also be able to concentrate on my fishing and try and get out in the fresh air a bit more. Not only will this make me feel better but will also give me a lot more exercise. I am hoping to concentrate on Large fish fishing in 2014 and see if i can get a new personal best and also catch some of the biggest fish of each species you find in the lakes and rivers. If we get good weather next year i will even camp out and do some night fishing as most of the biggest fish are caught during the night or first light when they feed in confidence. It is also nice to know that after a hard day or weekend fishing  will be able to come home to a fresh new flat all clean and confortable. Lets now hope i can get to see the specialist soon and do something about the attacks and at least get rid of half of them. A reduction in the amount of attacks i get is better than nothing at all. At least i will be able to get on with things and maybe claim back some of my life. The flat is just the beginning, it’s time to keep fighting and get control of this monster or at least tame it and reduce the amount of pain i am in all the time.

A busy week decorating the flat and fighting the Beast !

I haven’t been able to access the computer the last 4 days as i have been decorating my flat getting it all fresh and ready for Christmas and the New Year. Thankfully my mate John has been here every day do do all the heavy lifting and painting the ceilings as i don’t think i would have been able to get it done with out him as my back wouldn’t last. With his help we have managed to complete 2 rooms fully and prepare all the others in only 4 days. Now considering we are only dong a few hours of painting each day and the rest of the time is taken up with cleaning and preparing the walls to be painted, we have done and excellent job and the living room and bathroom are now complete.

I have to say that John was a god send and has done a cracking job on the painting and preparation work and has worked non stop since he started the project with me at the start of the week. We will now complete the hallway, kitchen and bedroom over the next week and that will be my flat completely re-decorated and feeling fresh and new. It has such an impact on my mind state as waking up to a lovely new living room all freshly decorated and with all new ornaments and curtains and new paintings to go on the wall it looks amazing and completely different. For the first time in a long while i have woken up in the morning with a smile on my face.

It has been well over 12 years since the flat was decorated completely and just over 5 years since i last did the front room so you can imagine it really needed it. The trouble was with my head and the beast causing attacks all the time and my shoulder being bad i would get half way through a job and end up in agony so i would end up leaving it and not finishing it. It was really getting me frustrated that i couldn’t complete decorating my flat and making even more upset seeing the flat get worst and worst as time went on. Eventually i was getting so down because i couldn’t get on with silly jobs and my head kept playing up all the time. Now with the help of John i have been able to do what i wanted and give myself a great Christmas present this year. I now have a freshly decorated flat looking sharp.

I have continued to have attacks over the last week but mainly in the early hours of the morning due to the temperature drop and the cold weather. It seems like it suddenly dropped to freezing and i could feel a cold band around the top of my head. This tells me that i am in for a rough winter again and the attacks will be as bad as they were last year so i am going to have to increase my Pregabilin medication again to get rid of some of the attacks during the day as they have crept back up to 5 or 6 in a day. The trouble with me increasing the medication it means i will end up with bowel problems and wind again as well as all the back pains and kidney pains. I am not looking forwards to it. Maybe if i just increase a little it might not be so bad so i will just have to take it slowly and see what happens.

I am still waiting for my appointment to the specialist so we can sort out a different drugs to help me manage the beast and hopefully reduce or stop the attacks from happening. I can’t see the appointment being before Christmas or the New Year now as its too late to book one. Lets hope they will get me in early in the New Year and we can get something sorted. I managed to get to see my normal doctor the other day after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment. Its starting to get really bad in this country trying to get appointments to see your doctors.

The NHS seems to be going down hill again and the doctors are constantly over worked, under staffed and busy. So when you do actually see them you only manage a maximum of 15 minuets and then its all over till you can see them again and trying to tell them everything you need to in 15 minuets is almost impossible. When i went to see my doctor i brought her up to date as to what was going on. how my attacks had become worst, how i got on at the hospital and some other items and by the time i stopped talking it was time to go. She didn’t even have time to explain the medication she was giving me and told me to read up the information leaflet (witch you should do anyway) and make sure if i have any side effects i was to stop taking the medication and reduce the Pregabilin again.

At least the amount of medication has been reduced and i don’t have to take so many different tablets for my stomach and back etc. Thank god as i was starting to rattle when i moved about i was taking so much medication. It’s crazy how much medication you can take and end up taking if not careful. You end up having to take medication just to cancel out side effects of some other meds that you are taking so end up taking more and more and more…. where does it stop!

Another attack from the Beast leaving me in pain and agony and frightened to go out in the cold….

Another wake up call from the Beast at 5am this morning has left me feeling sick and sore. My head feels like it has been beaten with a hammer and my neck feels like it has been crushed and twisted. My shoulder feels like it has something stuck inside it and with each movement it pulls on the nerve. This nerve makes my arm go almost dead, but not quite, and makes me get sharp pains across the chest towards the heart. I know its all down to the nerve as it doesn’t play up any other time apart from before and after big attacks.

Thankfully i am at the doctors this morning for an early appointment as i need to let her know what’s been going on over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I am hoping she will have some idea of what i can do about the nerve that keeps trapping in my shoulder and over my chest and behind my shoulder blade. Its very uncomfortable and painful when it starts. I am also getting some strange side effects again, or am assuming they are side effects of the medication again but i could be wrong. Each time i try and walk to the shop in the morning or try and walk somewhere where it is up hill or quite a distance i end up having problems walking and pains in my leg muscles. Also i end up out of breath rather rapidly and fear that i am about to have a heart attack it gets so bad.

Started decorating my flat ready for Christmas and my mate John came to give me a hand yesterday as i was finding it difficult to move the heavier objects from the rooms. It shouldn’t take us long as we have all the stuff we need and we have almost finished the front room already and he was only painting for 2 hours yesterday but managed to get all the white emulsion done and half of the blue. So today its a mater of finishing off the blue painting and then start all the glossing as this is what will take most of the time as i want all the skirting boards and door frames all glossed like new again.

I am hoping that by having the flat redecorated and all looking fresh and new again i will start to feel a bit better and my flat will start feeling like a home again instead of a prison as it has been feeling like i have been locked up for the last few years only being allowed out on good behaviour, or when my head behaves more like. It’s crazy how being ill and not being able to go out makes you feel like you are trapped or locked away. I can understand why people who suffer with conditions that they have to stay indoors all the time unable to go out due to fear of the unknown. How they can stay shut away for months on end with out getting out is just beyond me as it drives me insane, i just couldn’t do it. If it wasn’t for my family and friends helping to get me out and go fishing i would probably be locked up in a mental hospital by now as i would just go completely mad!

Just seems like it is constant pain all the time….

Another painful weekend to chalk up with quite a few visits from the Beast and attacks so painful i can’t even begin to describe. With the pain now spreading down the back and across the front of the chest it is starting to really worry me as i feel like the attacks are getting stronger, if that’s at all possible, and they are lasting longer than normal. Even with the injections to abort the attacks they are trying to over power the injections and i fear eventually they will as i have had a few that have just been way too strong for the injection to have any affect and i fear they will all end up this way if i don’t do something soon.

I have two choices, wait for the doctor or the specialist to see me, witch looks like it won’t be until the new year now so i have to go through a painful Christmas. The other option is to go up on my Pregabilin medication again and put up with the side effects. I don’t know if i can go through all that again with my bowels and constipation getting so bad. If it wasn’t for that and the amount of pain i get in the back and muscles with it making it painful just to walk about. I don’t know if i can go through all that.

Even with the reduction in my medication making this better and less uncomfortable, plus i don’t get all the problems with wind and pain in my back, i am still finding i have days where i find it very difficult to move about or walk. This i down to the attacks it seems. When i have a big attack, for the rest of the day, if i try and walk up hill to the shops my legs hurt like hell and the muscles really ache. I also become out of breath very quickly when trying to walk to places. This has been worrying me for the last few days so i will have to take it up with the doctors. Its not all the time and only when i am really bad with attacks but it makes every thing else hard to do during the day making me unable to get on with things in between attacks.

Thankfully i have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow so she can catch up with everything that has been happening with me. I wanted to see her 4 weeks ago or just after i had my appointment at the hospital with the chronic pain clinic but she has been so busy i have had to wait patiently. Even though i have been in a  lot of pain i can no longer class it as an emergency now i have a diagnosis for the condition. It seems like once diagnosed you go back into the waiting game once again.

The last time i was in so much pain that lasted for over 6 hours i was rushed to hospital as the ambulance saw e in such a state they didn’t know what to do. When i was taken in to hospital and they saw my notes and diagnosis i was placed in a dark room for an hour with oxygen and a couple of Paracetamol and then told to go home as there is nothing they can do for me and to contact my specialist as soon as i could. The trouble is it can take up to 6 months for the next appointment with the specialist so basically there is sod all they can do and you have to suffer in pain. Why someone should have to suffer in this day and age is beyond me but that’s how it is i am afraid and that’s something i just have to accept.

Feeling so tired by the end of the week……

Although the reduction in my Pregabilin medication has shown that i was suffering bad side effects from the strong dosage i am now getting trouble with the attacks as they are now increasing in number. As well as having to put up with loads of attacks each day they are also growing in strength and now spread into my back, shoulder and chest. Just when you think you have one problem solved or under control along comes another one to knock you over. Don’t you think its enough having to deal with the Beast itself and the attacks that come with it with out getting all the other problems and side effects that go with the medication you use to keep the beast asleep or under control. So far i have only been able to half the amount of attacks i get in a 24 hour period and haven’t yet managed to put the beast asleep for longer than one week (7days).

Another week has passed and i feel like the living dead and my body is in automatic mode as i just don't have the energy even to make myself a coffee. Its as though my body is just doing things automatically with out thinking as having to use my brain would take up to much energy right now. By the time you get to the end of a week and have dealt with all the attacks the beast can throw at you and the lack of sleep due to you being woken up at 1 or 3am in the morning and finding it impossible to get back to sleep. The body tends to go into shut down mode and over the weekend i will find a point where i will just collapse and sleep where i am as i just can’t get the strength to do anything.

I am supposed to be decorating my flat from now until the second week in December but i just haven’t got the energy to do anything. Luckily i am employing a friend of mine that will do the painting and all the heavy work so i don’t aggravate my shoulder, back or neck and cause more attacks to appear. I am hoping we can get it all done ready for Christmas but something tells me i won;t get the whole flat done in time so i am going to concentrate on the living room, the hallway and bathroom. The other rooms can wait until the new year especially the kitchen as i am having a new one fitted by the council as well as a new bathroom suite.

Well the weather forecast seems to believe that the next week shall be relatively free from rain and sunny but still cold. Maybe it will give me a chance to get in a bit of winter carp fishing down at the local lake. I will have to see if my mate John is up for it and if he fancies going. It will get me out of the flat and into the fresh air at least. Lets hope that the attacks wont appear and they will let me go. Fingers crossed!

How many more attacks before i collapse….?

At first i actually thought i was dreaming as this sharp pain appeared in my back and felt as though someone was cutting it slowly up the left side of my back and in behind the shoulder blade. In my dream i had dreamt that i was in an accident and the pain i was getting was from a part of the car sticking in my back. As the pain grew stronger it shocked me and i suddenly opened my eyes to realise i was no longer dreaming and this pain was real. As i moved out of my bed the pain shot up my shoulder and into the neck. It was at that point i realised it was the Beast and the nerve was in pain again and i was about to have a huge attack.

As the pain started to get stronger and spread over the top of my head all i could do was run into my living room and take my injection as quickly as i could. The plunger went down and the needle into the leg. It seemed as though it was taking ages for the medication to run into the leg as i was in so much pain by this point. The needle then gave a click letting me know it had completed the injection and it dropped to the floor at the same time as i did grasping at my head screaming in agony as it was like someone had just pushed a hot poker right through my eye.

Yet again the attack had started so fast i didn’t have enough time to take the injection before the attack in order to abort it so i was praying it will have some effect and help with the level of pain i was getting. i waited and waited what seemed like forever and then suddenly i could feel the injection kick in and my chest tighten and my breathing shallow. Then suddenly the pain numbed and then as though to flick a switch it was gone. Again it has left me with a sore neck, a throbbing head and sharp pains in the back behind the shoulder blade but at least the worst is over for now. I think i was luck as it could have over powered the injection as it sometimes does and i would have ended up having to endure the pain for over an hour.

As soon as i was able i switched on the heating to get the flat warm as i believe it was set off by the cold as when i woke at 4am with the attack i could feel the cold on the top of my head. They are forecasting some nasty weather on its was so i am praying it doesn’t get too cold as i know i will have a lot more attacks to get through before the day is over. I just wish they weren’t so painful and severe as its so hard just getting through one attack let alone 3 or 4 in a day. I get so tired now days it’s as though each time i have a row of attacks it gets harder and harder to get through.

Being Attacked by the Beast every day….

Yet again i have been up since 1am this morning as it all started with a feeling in the neck like pressure inside a hose and a feeling of something sharp running down my back behind my shoulder blade. Then cam the sharp pains from behind the eye and the sudden feeling of pressure on the left side of the face just before the sharp pain takes over. The sudden out break of sweat as though someone had turned on a tap and the sudden swelling of our eye as if you had been hit or punched. Then the feeling as though some one is trying to scrape out your eye socked with a bit of barbed wire and the pain so strong you pray and hope for death and peace to come quickly. As the sharp pain shoots over the top of your head into your neck and down behind the shoulder it drives you insane as you cant touch or rub it better.

You smash your head on the ground hoping to open it up and release the beast that is attacking from within.You scream in agony s the pain just seems to get stronger and stronger and ringing in your ears becomes loud. So loud you can no longer hear people speak. Everything seems like as if to stammer for moments and your head feels like its about to explode open. Your eyes become blurred and you can no longer focus on writing> As the pain spreads down the back and also over the shoulder across the chest towards the heart you feel as though your life could end at any moment. Just one more bit of pain could tip the scales and your body give up. You don’t have the strength to stand up so have to crawl upon the ground and try and pull yourself up using the furniture.

Then Suddenly it stops! The pain eases the sweat stops flowing and its all over. You get an ache for ages in your back and neck and you feel like you have been run over by a bus but you feel so much better. Your chest loosens again and the eye widens. You can suddenly see clearly again and breathe through your nose. Battling with the Beast is one of the most painful things i have ever known and to have to do it several times a day really drains your energy. I sometimes wonder how much more battering my body can take. Even when taking the injections to try and abort the attack is a risk in itself. Sometimes i feel my chest tighten so much after having the injection and a feeling as though i am about to pass out or have a heart attack. Then i shake off the feeling only to be greeted by even more pain.

I will now be suffering for the rest of the day as i have had to fend off three attack so far this morning and i can feel others building in the back ground and the shadow slowly descending over my head. Knowing that the cold weather is about to give me a day of pain and agony is not something that i enjoy greeting me at dawn. Knowing that if and when i go out anywhere i will get shooting pains and sharp shock pain behind the shoulder blade and at the bottom of my back effecting even my walking and giving me pain in the left leg on the back muscles. Its crazy how one damaged nerve can cause so much pain and suffering. Another dark and gloomy day awaits me and the Beast is circling above waiting to strike at any given moment. Just to let my guard down once will result in hours of torture. I just wish it would just all go away and give me back my life.

God i feel so sick i just want to hurl……

The last week i have been having some bad attacks but generally i have been feeling well with regards to my genera; health then today after being woken by the Beast for the 3rd time this morning i started to feel really sick. Its not just a sickie feeling like i want to blow chunks but i actually feel sick to the bone so to speak. No matter what i try to do to take away the feeling it is there. Each time i try and drink my coffee i end up retching and gagging but nothing actually comes up. After spending an hour curled over the toilet waiting for something to happen or something to come up i now have a sore throat and a bad back from being bent over constantly. I can’t remember the last time i felt this sick.

I know its not the flu as i have had my flu jab for the year so if i do get it i will only end up with a mild fever. I can’t see it being linked to my injection as i have been having the injections for over a year and would have had this before is that was the case. It could be linked to the head and the attacks i have been having or it could just be something i ate last night. Maybe the ham was bad in the sandwich i ate last night. There are so many reasons why i could be feeling sick. I am just hoping its mot the start of a stomach bug or other illness starting as i think i have been through enough over the last year.

When i actually sit down to think about the things that i have been going through over the last year and the problems i have been having i can’t actually believe all this has been happening to me as for years i was fit and healthy and never had a problem. I was the type that would be playing sports even with a  broken shoulder. I would be the first one to volunteer for a Rugby match or take up extreme sports. When i live abroad in Cyprus i used to love going Bungee jumping down at the beach. I used to go up in aeroplanes with my mate on his flying lessons just for the fun and then we would go scuba diving afterwards. I used to live a highly active  lifestyle and then suddenly my world ended when this condition known as CH started.

I now spend most of my time shut up in the flat waiting for an attack to happen, stressing and worrying about my health all the time. The only break i get from this is when i get out fishing. This was the main reason i started the fishing web site and challenged myself to travel and visit all the fisheries in Wales and record each trip and adventure on the internet and in video. I know it will take me a few years to complete and is quite a big challenge especially when having to live off the social and benefits instead if working because you can’t hold down a job due to the attacks. If i was working it wouldn't be so bad as i could afford all the different day tickets and bait costs but instead i have to save up and rely on sponsors to help me with my journey.

Its nice to see that people are willing to help as i have found a couple of good companies that are helping me with my fishing challenge and with my private site as well maybe i will be able to bring some needed advertisement about my condition and how it actually exists but is so rare there is no cure as of yet. Maybe by doing what i am doing i will be able to open a few peoples eyes and they will see how bad this condition can be. I think these are the things that actually keep me going even when i feel down and am at my lowest. Knowing i have the fishing site and the challenge to complete as well as my personal blog to update each day helps to keep me a little focused. Lets hope this sickie feeling goes away soon and see if i can keep the beast from attacking today. If i feel better later i may even do a bit me work on my web sites, anything to stay busy!

Winter Beast is constantly attacking….

Another weekend of hell on earth with attacks starting from early hours in the morning and continuing to attacks right through the day till late evening. So far i am averaging from 2 to 6 attacks per day with a break every now and again lasting no longer than 3 days in a row. This is how it was for me the last winter but i was getting up to 10 attacks in a day and the breaks would be very rare. I am hoping that the medication i am already on will stop them increasing in number too much and i won’t have to go through so many nasty attacks as i did last year and the year before but with out the extra help the Pregabilin was giving me i am not sure how i am going to react to the extreme cold weather. I am now down to 150mgs in the morning and 200mgs at night witch is a big difference from 300 morning and night. The decrease in the medication was done gradually so i didn’t feel the withdrawals as bad as i normally would but still had a few nights where my legs were just cramping up due to me dropping the dose. I can only imagine what i would have to go through to come off the medication completely.

I am hoping it doesn’t come to that and i will be able to keep a small dose of the Pregabilin going when i find out what other medication the specialist has in mind for me to try. At the moment i would welcome anything as any kind of help to keep the beast at bay and the attacks from appearing is very welcome. I am even scared to go out just lately as the attacks haven’t only effected the side of my head and face but also down the left side of my back behind my shoulder blade and across the front of my chest towards the heart. I did try and go fishing on Friday but ended up coming back home after about 2 hours as i wasn’t feeling too clever and the head was playing up something rotten. Then when i got back into the warmth and changed from my fishing gear into something comfortable and tried to relax it just set off some huge attacks that even over powered my injection as it sometimes does and left me in absolute agony for the rest of the night.

Over the weekend i managed to have a lazy one and stayed in all the time not even going out of the flat to the shops as i had everything in that i needed. But even though i had stayed in the warm and dry i still ended up getting attacks in the early hours. Even if i make sure the heating is on and the flat is nice and warm i am still getting the attacks from the beast at 3 am in the morning and don’t know what i can do to stop it from happening. Sometimes i even go to bed with a scarf around my neck so if the cold does try and get to me i can just wrap the scarf up around my neck and head and keep it warm. It has worked a couple of times but i have also had a few occasions where it didn’t make one bit of difference and ended up in agony.

I have to admit that this year seems to have flown passed and it is almost Christmas already. It only seems like yesterday i was starting my fishing challenge and trying to get it up and running on the internet. I am happy to say that with over 12,000 visitors to the web site in under a year i am really made up and can’t wait until the new year and the new fishing season. I will still try and get a bit of Winter Carp fishing in if i can this year and the start of next year but i think i am now going to concentrate on making some fishing videos for novice fishermen who wish to take up the sport and want to do it as cheaply as possible. I will make some instructional videos as to how i started up into the Carp fishing side of things and how i managed to get all my gear together as cheaply as i could. This should keep me busy for a while and maybe even take my mind of the attacks all the time. Anything that can help you manage the pain or help you to forget about your illness is a blessing.

The Beast is constantly attacking …. Pain!

Attack after Attack after Attack, that's what it’s been like since yesterday evening. For some reason the head is really playing up.Not only have i had a lot of attacks but they have all been big ones also making it hell on earth. The pain starts behind the eye and feels like something sharp is slowly being pushed through the centre of your eyeball. The pain then shoots from behind the eye over the top of the head on the left hand side causing it to swell up like you have a ridge on your head. Then the pain enters the neck at the top of the spine. The pain then shoots down the back behind the left shoulder and also over the front of the shoulder across the left side of the chest towards the heart. The attacks are getting stronger and now have spread down my back and across my chest so i am starting to worry a little.

I believe that the attack increase is down to me reducing my medication in order to get rid of the side effects. If i go back up on the meds i may get less attacks but i will end up blowing up again and having walking and bowel problems making every day a complete nightmare. As well as last night i was also woken at 1 am and have had 3 attacks so far this morning and feel like the walking dead! So far my back and bowels have been good so i am trying not to cause them to play up as i want to try and go fishing today down at my local lake with a good friend of mine. I need to get out of the flat and grab some fresh air as i know it will make me feel a lot better but i am going to have to be careful and watch out for attacks today. As we are going down to the lake and will be in the open with the cold winds i am likely to get some big attacks so i must wrap up and take precautions and control how many i get today. I am determined to go out and enjoy my days fishing no matter how bad the attacks get, i am fed up with them ruling my life.

I can’t get to see the doctor until the 26th of this month as she is so busy and booked right up. Its starting to get a little crazy trying to get to see the doctors and specialists. Trying to book definite appointments is impossible and they end up cancelling on you and having to re arrange your booking date, It can take up to 6 moths to get a new appointment so its not good. This is the trouble with our NHS at the moment it is so over stretched and overbooked they are cancelling appointments and operations and having to make people wait for so long their illnesses and problems end up getting ten times worst by the time they are seen. I know its not the fault of the doctors or the specialists that they have to re arrange all the time but it is so hard not to get angry at them and take it out on the wrong people as all you want is to be seen and get help.

Its not long now till Christmas and it seems like only yesterday we were celebrating the new year. Time has flown past so fast this year and i haven’t done half of the things i wanted to do this year. A lot of things got put on hold due to the attacks being so bad again. I am trying to get my flat decorated before Christmas so its all nice and fresh for the new year. I can’t do it on my own as i have difficulty doing the ceiling and using a roller on the walls as my back gives up half way through and i end up having to leave it as i end up setting off attacks. My mate John is coming in this year to do it for me. I will also help and give a hand when needed but it should only take 2 or 3 days as its only a one bed flat. Fingers crossed all goes to plan and i will have it looking nice for Christmas.

All i want to do is SCREAAAAAAAAAAAM!

Sometimes i feel like running into the middle of a field and screaming as hard and as loud as i can until either my voice goes or i pass out through lack of air from not breathing in. That's what it makes me feel like being woken up in the early hours all the time. I actually feel like i am loosing my marbles. I am starting to get so frustrated over being tired all the time and walking around like a zombie during the day. I don’t know how much more i can take until i crack. It makes me so mad being like this all the time especially as i was starting to feel well again after getting through all the bowel troubles and walking problems and now i am back to the same old attacks and battle with the beast every day. The attacks have become more regular again not just because of the weather changes but also because i have been reducing my Pregabilin medication. I have dropped from 300 mgs morning and night down to 200 in the morning and 150 mgs at night.

The specialist at the chronic pain clinic seems to have hit the nail on the head with the side effects coming from my medication even if she was a little off putting during our meeting. She did explain that although some of these side effects are rare if you are on a high dose of the medication all it takes is one little thing to give you major problems such as taking the Verapamil and having an allergic reaction set off all the side effects and now it has taken nearly 6 months to get to the bottom of what was causing all the problems. I am hoping it doesn’t come back as the last couple of days, although i have been feeling fine apart from my head attacks, I have been getting wind build up and some pain in the back and legs. I suppose its going to take time for it to settle completely.

The one thing that is really bothering me the last few weeks is that the attacks i have been getting are actually getting worst. i never thought i could feel any worst during an attack than i was already but it seems to be spreading. not only does it effect the left side of the face and over the top of the head into the neck but it is now also travelling from the neck down the back behind the left shoulder blade and also over the front into the chest towards the heart. The attacks i have been getting the last few days have been so big that one attack actually lasted well over 3 hours. normally if i have an attack and don't take the injection so i have to ride the pain until it stops it normally lasts anything from 10 minuets up to just over an hour. I have never had one last as long as it did the other day and it really started to scare me as i thought i was about to have a stroke or heart attack.

I hate it when i get the really strong attacks as they always over power the injection making them useless and a waste of time taking them. Also that way i end up wasting the injections on the bigger attacks when i could save them and abort the slightly smaller attacks instead but it is so difficult to judge as you can’t tell how big or strong the attack will be until it has reached maximum pain and by then its too late to take the injection anyway. So you end up having to guess witch attacks to abort and what ones you will have to ride the pain. I am still waiting for the appointment with the specialist and have been waiting since June. I have received 2 appointments only to have them cancelled the following week so i am praying i will get my new appointment soon and we will be able to try a new medication to see if that will help control the beast and give me a rest from all the attacks.

He did say if it starts to get beyond the point that i can no longer carry on then he will admit me into hospital for a couple of weeks rest where i will be treated by a drip so i don't have to keep taking medications. The trouble with that is i will be bed ridden for the 2 weeks of rest and it will drive me stark raving mad. At least at home i have my computer and can stay in touch with people that way when i can’t go out visiting, witch seems like everyday just lately. i can’t remember the last time i went out visiting and its over a month since the last time i went out fishing so i really need to break the cycle at the moment and try and get out.

I am planning to go fishing tomorrow at our local lake with one of my mates and see if i can catch myself a nice big fish. At least i will get out for a while and get some fresh air in the lungs. I won’t be able to go until just before lunch as i have to pick up all my medication tomorrow as its that time again. I am hoping to get it sorted quickly and get down the lake as soon as i can but at least i will be able to get half a days fishing in and if the weather holds maybe even be able to go all day Saturday as well. So fingers crossed the weather holds and the beast starts to behave itself as the only worry i have is that the cold wind on the face my end up setting off attacks while i am at the lake. i don;t mind if i am Carp fishing as i have my bivi (tent) in witch i can hide away and take my medication until the pain is gone and then continue fishing when all is clear but when i am Pike fishing we don’t take the bivi (tent) as you are constantly on the move so if i do have an attack i will have to deal with it out in the open. At least i will have someone with me, in case of an emergency, who knows about my condition and he also knows what to do if and when i have an attack.

The Beast attacks and the pain is spreading…

Not only have i been woken by the beast twice this morning in the early hours but now the damaged nerve not only attacks the left side of the head but has also spread into my left shoulder and on my back on the left side and my chest at the front on the left side making me feel like i am having a heart attack when it becomes bad. It doesn’t help that when i get the bad pains and the chest starts i become stressed and start to worry about it making it ten times worst than it actually is. I am also producing wind from the bowels as the IBS starts to play up due to me stressing all the time. I can’t seem to win.

Just when i got things under control and was feeling a lot better as the problems with my bowels seems to have gotten better on its own, possibly due to the medication reduction, also i am no longer getting bad back problems and it has gone back to only getting the walking difficulties once in a while instead of every day. As to why it all blew up out of control i am still no wiser but at least its starting to get better and i only have to deal with the beast and the attacks. I think one illness at a time is enough for anyone to deal with.

I have noticed over that’s few days that the early mornings are getting colder and colder and that is probably why i have been getting so many wake up calls from the beast just lately. i have tried to keep the flat warm between 15 and 19 degrees so it helps to keep the attacks fro appearing. The trouble with this is that it costs a blooming fortune to run the gas constantly so i tend to heat up the flat during the evening and switch it off during the night. This ends up with me being woken in the early hours as the temperature drops and my head feels the cold resulting in an attack or at least strong shadows waking me up so i turn the heating back on.

By using my heating all the time the cost of running the gas has tripled. During the summer months i am lucky to use £5 a week as i am only heating the water i use for washing and bathing, as the autumn started this increased to £10 a week. Now the winter is coming and also the freezing weather this will now increase again to £15-£20 a week just to keep the flat warm enough so i don't get continuous attacks during the day. That’s nearly £80 a month or £320 a quarter, WOW! That’s expensive.

As i am a dual fuel customer of British Gas i have contacted them to see if there is any help they can offer or a discounted cost for disabled people. They do have schemes available for the disabled as my mother is on one as she is also disabled so fingers crossed there is something they can do as i just can’t afford to keep the heating going at that cost. If not i will just have to suffer the early morning attacks and have days where i will have attacks all day long , once again! All this couldn’t happen at a worst time with all the fuel companies increasing their prices and many people complaining that they can’t afford the cost of heating their homes during the winter months. I am just praying i don’t end up like these as i know i will just end up suffering. I don’t know if i can go through another winter like the last one as i was having so many attacks u really don’t know how i got through it all and am still alive.

These early mornings are really taking their toll on me as i am feeling like the walking dead every day just lately. I am having restless nights due to the pains in the neck and the shoulder making things very uncomfortable. While i was getting the wind problems i was getting very little sleep and now even though the wind and bowel problems seems to have calmed down i am still having restless nights. I have tried everything from Vallium to strong sleeping tablets and apart from making you feel groggy all day long they don’t help at all and are a waste of time taking them. The mirtazapine tablets i take for my depression and b-polar are supposed to help you sleep and help you have a natural sleep but i have been on them for so long they no longer have that effect on me.

I was planning on going fishing today as i have been missing it like crazy but with my head and neck they way they are i have had to delay my fishing trip until Friday. I am hoping on Friday to be going Pike fishing with my mate John at our local lake. A few other fishermen have been getting some nice pike from the lake this year so i want to give it a try and see what we can catch. We should get something, either Perch, Pike or Zander (if they are in the lake) are all predators and all go for lures and plugs so it gives us a great chance to try out some of the new lures and plugs i won in a competition from Total Outdoors during the summer. I will also have to write a review of the products we use and the fish we catch using them.

Also a bit of good news as well as my web site “Fishing Adventures Wales” has really taken off and we are getting loads of visitors to the site reading the different adventures we have been on. We have now decided that next year we will be making a film about starting up Carp fishing and we will be filming at different locations around Wales as we visit the different venues. Then at the end of the year we will edit all the footage we get and put together the film so we can release it on our site and in Facebook ready for next Christmas.

Battling with the Beast, but feeling more positive…

The last few days have been hell on earth as my head hasn’t stopped playing up. Not only am i woken every morning in the early hours by the beast but the attacks continue through out the whole day also. This makes it very hard to get on with every days tasks and especially doing anything i want that i have planned, i have to put everything on the back burner, so to speak, as dealing with the attacks becomes a full time job. The attacks have been so bad it has left the left side of my face and head constantly swollen and the neck feeling like it is being ripped open. Every time i move my head and neck it cracks and feels like i have something trapped there. The pain becomes so bad it even over powers my injections but i also know if i didn’t have the injections i would be even worst than i feel at the moment.

The trouble with having attacks all the time is it leaves you feeling weak as it seems to take all your strength just dealing with the attack. You constantly feel sick and even eating food seems to aggravate it. The main trigger for the attacks is the cold and with the temperatures dropping over the last week or so i have seen a huge increase in the amount of attacks i get confirming that winter is finally here so the freezing weather won’t be too far behind. I am dreading when it gets really cold as i will end up in agony every day of the week with very little time to recover as i tend to only get very seldom breaks in the attacks. I have taken all the precautions i can take in order to keep the cold off the head but even wrapping up warm sometimes defeats the objective as the heat can also set of attacks now and again. The condition is so unpredictable its very difficult to prepare yourself for what is about to come. I am just hoping i get to see the specialist again before all the freezing weather reaches us.

On a happier note my bowels seems to have calmed down again and i am getting back to normal (if there is such a thing). I don’t seem to be creating as much wind as i was before and i am no longer in constant agony from being bloated and unable to go to the toilet. I am not getting so many pains in the stomach and the back as i was before so fingers crossed what ever was causing it has gone and i am now on the mend. It could also mean that the doctor at the hospital was right and it was definitely the medication side effects that was causing me all the problems. I have started a reduction in my Pregabilin medication from 300mgs down top 200 and then to 150 twice a day. I am still n the 200mgs mark at the moment and can already feel the difference as the body is getting withdrawals from the medication and when i try and sleep at night i am getting cramps in my legs. It just goes to show how much a medication can have a hold on you. Its not until you start to give up the medication you realise just how much your body needs it. I am still getting a little wind build up now and again and have one or two bad days per week with regards to my bowels so i will continue to reduce the medication to see if it makes a big difference and maybe the bowel problem will then go for good.

I can’t believe i have had to wait just over a month for my appointment with my normal doctor as the surgery is so busy it seems like everyone wants the same doctor. I don’t mind the other doctors if it is an emergency but when it comes to important issues i prefer my normal doctor as she is the only one that knows the full extent of my problems and my full medical history. I am hoping that by the time i have to see here at the end of this month i will have good news and will be able to put half of these problems behind me. I have to admit my mood is a little more positive just lately and despite all the doom and gloom and problems i have been getting i have managed to keep my chin up and ride the depression. Sometimes its very hard and difficult as you tend to forget you suffer with depression and end up thinking that the low feelings are normal> Also not having my fishing to fall back on and get me out of the flat has been effecting me the last month so i am going to make the extra effort to getting out this winter and see if i can do a bit of winter predator fishing and catch myself a nice big Pike.

Learn to live with the Beast and accept the side effects….

The beast is really starting to annoy me with the early morning wake up call at 2 or 3 am each morning especially when its cold. Why can’t its starts or come at 7 in the morning i don’t mind so much as its time to get up then anyway. 3 times it started to build and then no attack but on the 4th time it turned into an attack from hell. The pain was so string it over powered my injections again and i had to ride it out and have been doing so for the last hour and 15 minuets. My head is so sore that each time i touch it to rub it better it sends electric shocks from my neck down my back. The neck feels like i have something trapped in the joints again and my shoulder feels like someone has been trying to pull it off from where it joins the torso.

Winter is now here and the beast is back with vengeance. I am praying that when it turns really cold i will have seen the specialist by then and we will have some other trick up our sleeves, in the way of medication, that will be able to deal with the beast and the attacks when they come. The colder weather and freezing cold mornings is the main trigger for my attacks so by the time this weather comes i want to be as prepared as i can. I have already purchased woollen hats and scarfs to make sure i keep my head and neck warm at all times if i am out and about in the weather. I am making sure that i also have enough gas in the flat at all times and have been topping up the gas meter each week to ensure i don’t run out in the colder months. Christmas is just around the corner and so is the freezing weather so the more i can do to prepare the better as far as my head is concerned.

There is forecast a small break in the weather this Wednesday so i am going to see if i can go fishing on that day with my mate John. I think a bit of Carp and Pike fishing will do me the world of good, fresh air and time on the bank will do wonders to my state of mind and help me take my mind off all the worries and stress. Fingers crossed the weather keeps to its plans as it can be so unpredictable this time of year and change at any moment.Even if we get a bit of rain i don’t mind going as long as it isn’t raining when we set up or pack away. There is nothing more annoying than soaking wet gear all the time. Especially if wet when its been put away as it starts to smell damp all the time. Lets hope the weathers stays on our side and we get to go other wise its another week stuck indoors staring at a computer and TV.

The best thing at the moment is that my bowels are finally returning to normal after all the trouble they have put me through. Whether it is the reduction in the medication that is helping and the fact that i am no longer taking 3 or 4 different medications for the stomach that is making such a difference but i am feeling way better than i was. OK i still get some wind causing me pains but no where near the level i was getting a week ago. I am praying this change continues and i start to feel a lot better and even start to get out a bit more often.

The Beast woke me but my head is messed up, how do i cope?

Again i was woken by the beast this morning but thankfully it wasn’t a full blown attack and was only a strong shadow causing me to wake up early. I did try and get back to sleep but i just couldn’t no matter how hard i tried so i eventually got up to start a new day. I have been a bit withdrawn from everything the last couple of days after my visit to the chronic pain management clinic and being there was nothing they could do for me. They blamed all the aches and pains and wind down to my tablets and said its a trade off between the side effects of the medication i am taking and the attacks i get.

If i don’t like the side effects or can’t put up with them then i would have to stop taking my medication and end up having loads of attacks every day. I was so shocked it has taken me a while to get to grips with things. I am really surprised at the doctors attitude but can’t say i blame her. As soon as she saw i was taking methadone her attitude changed and immediately she said well i can’t give you any pain killers!! ARRRRGGGGGGHH! I didn’t want stupid pain killers the idiot! Immediately she thought of druggy and i was there after medication. I have been through so much over the last year i just don’t know if i can carry on like this. My mood has dropped and i am now crying most evenings due to the pains and problems i am having.

How the doctors can say chest pains and trapped nerves in the shoulder is down to my medication i don’t know and how she works out that my legs going numb and having walking problems is down to the medication i just can’t work it out! I know the side effects of any medication will cause terrible things to happen such as my bowels blowing up and causing me all the wind and discomfort and i can accept that it can cause muscle aches and spasms and maybe even cause me problems with my left arm going numb all the time. I have already accepted that i would get some side effects off the tablets and the medication i am taking but to blame everything on the medication is just unprofessional and crazy.

She said i may have Arthritis and she named Osteoarthritis as one of the problems and then said there is nothing they can do for that and i won’t get any problems from that for many years to come. She did recommend that i attend physiotherapy course as i am shut off and not getting involved in activities. When i turned round and said to her “well how am i supposed to attend when i get anything from 2 to 10 attacks in a day”? she soon shut up and said i would have to try and arrange something with the organiser in person. I can’t wait to see my specialist, Dr Pickersgill, and tell him what she has said. He will probably fall over in laughter.

Now i have the honour of explaining everything to my doctor and telling her how the medication i am on is slowly killing me according to the Doctor at the hospital and that i have to choose whether i want to live with these pains and problems or the attacks i get each day. There isn’t many things i get worked up about or angry but this is one of them. Don’t they understand what i have to go through each day. Every time she said well you get headaches, i would say NO i get CLUSTERS, she would then cough and continue her speech and then again would say “…. and because of your headaches..” I would again jump in and say “NO!” , “Cluster Attacks”, and each time she would ignore me and continue. This really made me angry and by the end of it i just switched off and i think she saw that and said there is nothing we can do to help you, you are taking Methadone and Pregabilin witch are both strong pain killers so there is nothing more we can give you so i will let your doctor know its the side effects of the medication causing these problems and will recommend that you go back to Whitchurch for Physiotherapy.

Why i have to go Whitchurch i don’t know as it is a mental hospital. I think it is probably because she said i was on the verge of a breakdown, and can’t they blame me! Anyone who would have to put up with all this would surely be on the verge of a break down. I really don’t know if i can carry in this game they are playing with my health. I just get this horrible feeling i am going to have to suffer like this until it eventually puts me in an early grave.

On a lighter note! I got my prize from the Halloween competition held on Facebook by one of the fishing sites. I managed to get the Guess Where question right and my name was then chosen at random from all the correct entries and i won a nice little 7 meter fishing pole that comes complete with all the accessories. I don’t really need it as i have a competition standard 11 meter one but i will still get lots of use out of it especially on the smaller lakes where having a shorter pole is actually an advantage to get into tight spots.

I am trying to stay busy today as my mind is really messed up at the moment. I still can’t stop bursting into tears and can’t think clearly. All i can think about is what the doctor was saying and how bad it made me feel. I have NEVER come away from an appointment feeling so bad and so low, and now it seems to have had a knock on effect with my mental health and i can’t switch my mind off. How can i cope with all these problems every day, how much more must i put up with and have to go through, how come i can’t get help, they make me feel like i am imagining it all and it doesn't really exist, yet the pain is there to tell you it does. All i can do is cry for help?!

Several attacks from the beast, how much more…

I wasn’t surprised to be woken from my sleep by the beast but i was shocked to see it was only 1.30 in the morning. The temperature dropped last night and when i woke i could feel a cold band around my head and down my neck. I got up , managed to ride the worst of the attack as it wasn’t a massive one and then whet back to sleep. Only to be woken again at 3.25 with another yet stronger attack. This time i rushed into the living room and took my injection and sat there praying it would kick in soon. The pain kept building in strength and i started to fear the worst, that the attack had over powered the injection and i was in for a really rough time.

It was about another 10 minuets and then finally i started to feel the injection kick in and the pain in the head ease. It had left me again with a bad back and sharp electric shocks up and down the spine. Every time i moved i would get pain and especially in the back and shoulder areas. The left side of me is now in constant pain and i get trouble with some thing in my shoulder and back that is connected to the nerve. My bowels seem to be a bit calmer and the wind doesn’t seem to be producing as much as it was a few days ago witch can only be a good sign. My neck is in constant agony and the sharp pain behind my left shoulder blade that connects up to the neck when its really bad is giving me jip constantly.

My walking seems one day to be getting better and then the next it becomes bad again. The problems with the walking and my legs going numb all the time is an intermittent thing and is only there 2 out of 7 days. The problems i get with sharp pain in the spine and aches in the bum cheeks is more regular and especially happens if i walk to the shop and carry shopping. Even though i am not producing so much wind and haven’t been having the trouble with my bowels like before i am still getting strange pain inside me and also going to the toilet is very hard. It seems like the muscles don’t want to push what ever it needs to to get the stuff out of me and then after a couple of days building up the body then decides its evacuation time and every thing kicks into action.

I think its something to do with my bum going numb all the time making it feel like i am sat in a hole when sat relaxing. After going to the toilet the side muscles are very sore and tender to touch so what ever is causing all this seems to be effecting my muscles also. Thank god today is the day of my appointment with the chronic pain management clinic and hopefully someone will start to investigate why this is going on all the time. Especially why i am getting so much pain in my back, shoulder and neck. I am starting to believe its something to do with my neck and why every now and again it seems to click as if to click back into place. As well as setting off my CH attacks i think what ever is causing the neck to have problems is also effecting my spine. It’s all guess work at the moment and until they have run tests and start investigating we won’t know what it is.

I am just praying that no matter what ever it is that has caused me all these problems i will be able to get better again or at least start controlling it and stop all this pain and worry all the time. Each day, as time goes on and i keep feeling worst, i think something bad is going to happen and i will end up with either a stroke or heart attacks all from these problems. I am now getting pains in my chest where i never had them before, The head and the neck seems to be getting worst, my movement is becoming limited and the problems with my bowels keep getting aggravated. Surely to god someone can see that i have a problem and is willing to help me.

Beast is back to stay and so are the back problems… here comes winter!

It looks like the beast is back to stay as again i was woken up this morning at 4am with strong shadows and then again at 6.30 with an attack. It wasn’t a big one and only lasted about 10 minuets in total but it was enough to set off all the other problems i get with the nerve being damaged. My back is again in constant pain and i feel like i have something stretched from the top of my head into my neck and then from the neck all the way down the back into the bottom of the spine. It doesn’t go straight down the spine like one would think it would it actually goes off to the left behind the left shoulder blade straight down and then angles back into the centre of the back. I suppose that even nerves don’t run in straight lines.

As time goes on and the weather becomes colder i am starting to feel it more and more and it is really becoming a problem as i can’t carry anything heavy as the pain becomes too much to bare. I can’t walk long distances because the legs start to go funny and feel like lead or even worst they become numb and i eventually fall to the ground until the feeling comes back after a short rest. Even when i sit for a long time my back starts to hurt and the pain behind the shoulder becomes too much and i have to keep moving to try and get comfortable. It seems that what ever is happening to the nerve and my health is starting to get worst and seems to be spreading around my back and the rest of the body.

Thankfully i am at the hospital on Monday to see the Chronic Pain Management Team and hopefully we will start to get some answers as to what it could be and they will begin to investigate all the other problems i am having including my bowels and the wind i keep producing for no reason. For the time being all i want to do is to stop the pains in the back or if i can’t stop what is happening to me at least make it comfortable and manageable. I am starting to think its about time i started taking pain killers again but am scared of going down that road as i become addicted to them so quickly and then, after time, i become immune to the tablets and end up having to take stronger and stronger doses.

This is one of the main things that messed me up a few years back and took a while to get off them. At least with the help of the Pain management team i will be able to monitor what i am taking and will just have to be very strict with myself. Maybe there is a pain killer that will work on the back that isn’t so addictive but unfortunately most of the strong pain killers, with the strength that will actually help, all seem to have ingredients that are highly addictive. I think i will have to be very careful what i decide to take and will wait to see what they will recommend for me.

For the last couple of days the wind and the bowels seemed as though they were getting better or at least they were behaving themselves and not filling me up with wind but then yesterday it all started again and i began to fill up with wind. I don’t know what is causing it as i haven’t done anything or taken anything different from what i was doing and eating the few days before it started again. If it was something i ate surely i would have noticed what set it off but nothing. It seems to have a mind of its own and plays up when it feels like. Today its not as bad as yesterday but is still there so i have to take it easy and make sure i don’t end up like a balloon again!

Today is shopping day! I couldn’t go yesterday as my back was just too bad and today its the same again but thankfully my mother and step father Brian will be picking me up at lunch time and taking me with them whilst they do their shopping so i don't have to carry the shopping back by my self and end up in agony all the way home after stopping every 2 minuets to let the back and legs recover. Its crazy how the smallest of jobs seem to become a huge problem when your back is in pain or you have mobility problems. I have really started to respect people in wheel chairs and those who have walking difficulties and just seem to get on with things with a constant smile on their face. They are stronger than i will ever be and i have so much admiration for those who are in pain but don’t give in to the beast and get on with their life.

 

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Can’t remember the last time i was pain free…

Another day where i have been woken by the beast. At least it wasn’t a full blown attack and was only the pressure on the left side of the head that was playing up. “The shadow feeling”, as other CH sufferers describe it, is a really annoying feeling of pressure pushing down on the left side of the head and face. Mine was so strong this morning it woke me a couple of times, firstly at around 5 am where i just thought about getting up but was just too tired and ended up falling back to sleep. then again at 6.30am and then finally at 7.20am where i just decided to finally get up out of my pit and face the new day.

For the last few days i have been having murder with my nerve especially in the back area, For some reason it seems to be spreading from the head down through the neck and into my back and is now reaching as far as the bottom of my back in the middle of the spine. When it plays up it feels like i have a bit of elastic stretched from the back of my head down to the bottom of my spine and with each movement it pulls along this line causing me discomfort and even pain. As the weather has started to get colder the nerve has started to play up more.

Its not helping that i have all the problems with the bowels and wind all the time as i am doing a reduction in the amount of Pregabilin i take each day to see if it is the medication causing all these problems and of course with the reduction in medication comes more attacks from the beast. The only thing i can do for now it stop the decrease and start to increase it again to stop the amount of attacks i am getting during a day. So far it hasn’t been bad so i haven’t needed to go back up on my medication but i am sure its about to kick of as i can feel it playing up more and more each day.

The hospital rang me yesterday witch was a massive shock as they don’t normally do that, well not in my case anyhow, and have confirmed my appointment with the chronic pain clinic on Monday at 2.15pm. I really can’t wait as it means its the start of the investigations into the pains i am getting up and down my back all the time and also the problems i get when walking and my legs turning to lead all the time and going numb at the most inappropriate times. Lets hope they will find some answers soon as i just can’t go on like this for much longer. I feel like all my energy is drained and i am in constant agony and discomfort all the time. I have forgotten what its like to have a day with no pain at all.