It looks like the beast is back to stay as again i was woken up this morning at 4am with strong shadows and then again at 6.30 with an attack. It wasn’t a big one and only lasted about 10 minuets in total but it was enough to set off all the other problems i get with the nerve being damaged. My back is again in constant pain and i feel like i have something stretched from the top of my head into my neck and then from the neck all the way down the back into the bottom of the spine. It doesn’t go straight down the spine like one would think it would it actually goes off to the left behind the left shoulder blade straight down and then angles back into the centre of the back. I suppose that even nerves don’t run in straight lines.
As time goes on and the weather becomes colder i am starting to feel it more and more and it is really becoming a problem as i can’t carry anything heavy as the pain becomes too much to bare. I can’t walk long distances because the legs start to go funny and feel like lead or even worst they become numb and i eventually fall to the ground until the feeling comes back after a short rest. Even when i sit for a long time my back starts to hurt and the pain behind the shoulder becomes too much and i have to keep moving to try and get comfortable. It seems that what ever is happening to the nerve and my health is starting to get worst and seems to be spreading around my back and the rest of the body.
Thankfully i am at the hospital on Monday to see the Chronic Pain Management Team and hopefully we will start to get some answers as to what it could be and they will begin to investigate all the other problems i am having including my bowels and the wind i keep producing for no reason. For the time being all i want to do is to stop the pains in the back or if i can’t stop what is happening to me at least make it comfortable and manageable. I am starting to think its about time i started taking pain killers again but am scared of going down that road as i become addicted to them so quickly and then, after time, i become immune to the tablets and end up having to take stronger and stronger doses.
This is one of the main things that messed me up a few years back and took a while to get off them. At least with the help of the Pain management team i will be able to monitor what i am taking and will just have to be very strict with myself. Maybe there is a pain killer that will work on the back that isn’t so addictive but unfortunately most of the strong pain killers, with the strength that will actually help, all seem to have ingredients that are highly addictive. I think i will have to be very careful what i decide to take and will wait to see what they will recommend for me.
For the last couple of days the wind and the bowels seemed as though they were getting better or at least they were behaving themselves and not filling me up with wind but then yesterday it all started again and i began to fill up with wind. I don’t know what is causing it as i haven’t done anything or taken anything different from what i was doing and eating the few days before it started again. If it was something i ate surely i would have noticed what set it off but nothing. It seems to have a mind of its own and plays up when it feels like. Today its not as bad as yesterday but is still there so i have to take it easy and make sure i don’t end up like a balloon again!
Today is shopping day! I couldn’t go yesterday as my back was just too bad and today its the same again but thankfully my mother and step father Brian will be picking me up at lunch time and taking me with them whilst they do their shopping so i don't have to carry the shopping back by my self and end up in agony all the way home after stopping every 2 minuets to let the back and legs recover. Its crazy how the smallest of jobs seem to become a huge problem when your back is in pain or you have mobility problems. I have really started to respect people in wheel chairs and those who have walking difficulties and just seem to get on with things with a constant smile on their face. They are stronger than i will ever be and i have so much admiration for those who are in pain but don’t give in to the beast and get on with their life.
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