Another wake up call from the Beast at 5am this morning has left me feeling sick and sore. My head feels like it has been beaten with a hammer and my neck feels like it has been crushed and twisted. My shoulder feels like it has something stuck inside it and with each movement it pulls on the nerve. This nerve makes my arm go almost dead, but not quite, and makes me get sharp pains across the chest towards the heart. I know its all down to the nerve as it doesn’t play up any other time apart from before and after big attacks.
Thankfully i am at the doctors this morning for an early appointment as i need to let her know what’s been going on over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I am hoping she will have some idea of what i can do about the nerve that keeps trapping in my shoulder and over my chest and behind my shoulder blade. Its very uncomfortable and painful when it starts. I am also getting some strange side effects again, or am assuming they are side effects of the medication again but i could be wrong. Each time i try and walk to the shop in the morning or try and walk somewhere where it is up hill or quite a distance i end up having problems walking and pains in my leg muscles. Also i end up out of breath rather rapidly and fear that i am about to have a heart attack it gets so bad.
Started decorating my flat ready for Christmas and my mate John came to give me a hand yesterday as i was finding it difficult to move the heavier objects from the rooms. It shouldn’t take us long as we have all the stuff we need and we have almost finished the front room already and he was only painting for 2 hours yesterday but managed to get all the white emulsion done and half of the blue. So today its a mater of finishing off the blue painting and then start all the glossing as this is what will take most of the time as i want all the skirting boards and door frames all glossed like new again.
I am hoping that by having the flat redecorated and all looking fresh and new again i will start to feel a bit better and my flat will start feeling like a home again instead of a prison as it has been feeling like i have been locked up for the last few years only being allowed out on good behaviour, or when my head behaves more like. It’s crazy how being ill and not being able to go out makes you feel like you are trapped or locked away. I can understand why people who suffer with conditions that they have to stay indoors all the time unable to go out due to fear of the unknown. How they can stay shut away for months on end with out getting out is just beyond me as it drives me insane, i just couldn’t do it. If it wasn’t for my family and friends helping to get me out and go fishing i would probably be locked up in a mental hospital by now as i would just go completely mad!
