Yet again i have been up since 1am this morning as it all started with a feeling in the neck like pressure inside a hose and a feeling of something sharp running down my back behind my shoulder blade. Then cam the sharp pains from behind the eye and the sudden feeling of pressure on the left side of the face just before the sharp pain takes over. The sudden out break of sweat as though someone had turned on a tap and the sudden swelling of our eye as if you had been hit or punched. Then the feeling as though some one is trying to scrape out your eye socked with a bit of barbed wire and the pain so strong you pray and hope for death and peace to come quickly. As the sharp pain shoots over the top of your head into your neck and down behind the shoulder it drives you insane as you cant touch or rub it better.
You smash your head on the ground hoping to open it up and release the beast that is attacking from within.You scream in agony s the pain just seems to get stronger and stronger and ringing in your ears becomes loud. So loud you can no longer hear people speak. Everything seems like as if to stammer for moments and your head feels like its about to explode open. Your eyes become blurred and you can no longer focus on writing> As the pain spreads down the back and also over the shoulder across the chest towards the heart you feel as though your life could end at any moment. Just one more bit of pain could tip the scales and your body give up. You don’t have the strength to stand up so have to crawl upon the ground and try and pull yourself up using the furniture.
Then Suddenly it stops! The pain eases the sweat stops flowing and its all over. You get an ache for ages in your back and neck and you feel like you have been run over by a bus but you feel so much better. Your chest loosens again and the eye widens. You can suddenly see clearly again and breathe through your nose. Battling with the Beast is one of the most painful things i have ever known and to have to do it several times a day really drains your energy. I sometimes wonder how much more battering my body can take. Even when taking the injections to try and abort the attack is a risk in itself. Sometimes i feel my chest tighten so much after having the injection and a feeling as though i am about to pass out or have a heart attack. Then i shake off the feeling only to be greeted by even more pain.
I will now be suffering for the rest of the day as i have had to fend off three attack so far this morning and i can feel others building in the back ground and the shadow slowly descending over my head. Knowing that the cold weather is about to give me a day of pain and agony is not something that i enjoy greeting me at dawn. Knowing that if and when i go out anywhere i will get shooting pains and sharp shock pain behind the shoulder blade and at the bottom of my back effecting even my walking and giving me pain in the left leg on the back muscles. Its crazy how one damaged nerve can cause so much pain and suffering. Another dark and gloomy day awaits me and the Beast is circling above waiting to strike at any given moment. Just to let my guard down once will result in hours of torture. I just wish it would just all go away and give me back my life.
