Being alone outdoors is different to being alone indoors…

Just when i think things are getting better and my attacks are at the lowest they have been in years i end up getting rushed into hospital with severe chest pains and threat of angina only to be cleared to find out it could be some kind of infection but i have to wait as the normal bloods didn't show up anything yet i am having symptoms of an infection. Cold sweats on and off all day soaking me, sore eyes , pains in the muscles, thrush at the back of the tongue showing the body is fighting something. The have sent bloods to the serious infections unit at the hospital of wales and i have to wait on results . I don't like the sound of that but they could be clear. The doctors say if they come back clear then i am to be referred for a colonoscopy to find out why the bowels are having so many problems and hopefully find out what's going on.

They also agreed that being type 2 bipolar doesn't help as i tend to suffer high anxiety which will make my symptoms feel and be twice as bad as normal so i have to be careful and watch my stress levels until they can find out what is happening. I am booked back in to see the neurologist on the 7th of December so its not long to wait and i am booked back in to the doctors on Thursday to see if there's anything they can do the relieve the symptoms. Being rushed in Saturday morning with the chest pains really shook me up and scared me. It just seems like i have had so much bad luck with medication its crazy. Reactions to so many different drugs is just not normal and i believe its down to the hiatus hernia. It seems ever since that started things have become slowly worst and my health is very low.

I am doing as much as i can to feel normal and live a normal life but when you are in pain all the time it becomes hard. I try to eat normally but struggle to have 2 meals a day as it keeps trapping as i swallow and almost chokes me and i end up having to massage my chest to help it pass through. When i wake in the mornings i can sometimes find a mouthful of acid greets me and end up running into the bathroom spitting before it makes me sick and have to use Gaviscon to ease it. Then there is the daily cluster attacks which are low thank god as i don't think i could cope with a full bout of attacks and feel this ill at the same time. I still have to deal with a few though and its hard. My body feels run down it needs a holiday. I usually go fishing now days to chill out but when you are in pain and the weather is cold it makes it 100 times worst and there is no way i could do it at the moment. maybe if the back pains would ease a little then i could go and that would do me the world of good.

I find when i am out fishing in the fresh air my body always feels stronger for it. Even though you work hard sometimes to catch those elusive carp, when you return home having captured a couple and released them back into the lake to fight another day, you feel revived and full of energy and that's one of the reasons i love fishing so much. Being on your own with your own thoughts out in the wilderness or at the side of a park lake is so different to being locked away on your own in your home. You have nature as a companion and feel so at ease its great. OK fishing can sometimes be a bit stressful when the fish aren't biting but that's the fun of the sport. Can’t wait for my next trip!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, I can see it!

Once again i have been lazy not updating my blog as regular as i would like. It’s not because of the attacks so much but more down to the fact of the pain in my back when i sit at the computer to type. The last month has been a very strange one as i have finally stopped suffering allergic reactions to god knows what medication and actually started to feel well for a short period and then all of a sudden the back pains have started and haven't stopped since. I am happy to report that my attacks are at their lowest they have been in years and i am managing to control them happily for the time being.

Why all the pain has suddenly started in my back i can only assume it is from the aftermath of the attacks. being a chronic sufferer and having to deal with several attacks per day must do some sort of damage to the body after a period of time. The nerve down my left side is very tender and i can feel a line right down the left of my back. When i am sat in one position for several minuets the bottom of my back right at the tail begins to hurt and then start pain radiating outwards towards both sides of my lower back. This is a very annoying and uncomfortable pain but when i move a bit and start stretching it tends to ease off and go away but then i get secondary pain higher up the back behind the left shoulder blade.

I rushed to the doctors the other day as every time i took a breath i was getting a stabbing pain in the left shoulder blade on the back. The doctor feels it is the group of muscles on the left side of my back going into spasms. Now its funny he should say that as when i was rushed into hospital the last time they said i was getting muscle spams in my neck that was also causing me major problems and also setting off attacks. Its strange how the 2 different doctors have come up with the same results. I can only think that the muscle problems i now have in the left of my back have been caused by having so many cluster attacks every month.

I was supposed to see my specialist at the start of the year and it has taken until now to get an appointment with him. As he is the head Neurologist at one of the biggest teaching hospitals in South Wales he is very hard to get hold of and even harder to book appointment with but finally i have a date. A letter came through the other day asking me to ring and book the appointment and thankfully they have given me the 7th of December so its not long now till i am able to update him with everything that has gone on with me over the last year. I have had so many different problems all caused either by the after effects of the attacks or by side effects of medication.

Also the problems i am now getting with the hiatus hernia, also caused from the side effects of medication, are really getting to me and i am finding i can’t eat as much as i used to and i find i am chocking on my food on a regular basis. Not to mentions the amount of trouble i have sleeping due to wheezing and acid build up in the chest if i lay flat and the back pain if i lay sat up. Sometimes i wonder how on earth i am still alive and kicking but i promised myself i would fight this illness with every breath i have and i wouldn’t give into it even though sometimes i can honestly say i have prayed for the end to come.

Whilst i am having a down period from my attacks i am slowly able to catch up with house work and other things i have been putting off for months due to the pain and agony all the time. Slowly i am gathering some sort of quality of life again and starting to think i will be able to get this under control but i cant go through any more allergic reactions to medication as i think the next time may end up being the last. I just hope my neurologist is able to come up with some ideas and other ways in which i can get these attacks controlled once and for all.