All day yesterday i was suffering from problems with the nerve and the head kept on playing up. I can only assume its the cold weather that is causing it to play up so badly. The nerve keeps on swelling up and has now spread not only over the top of my head into my neck and across the chest but now its spreading down the left hand side of me and is worst behind the left shoulder. When it is bad it’s like someone is cutting you open with a sharp knife, a slow sharp constant pain just behind the left shoulder blade. This then starts off intermittent pains across the chest just above the heart and the muscle keep[s on having spasms. Some times it makes me feel like i am about to have a heart attack and really scares me and makes me worry a lot.
If it’s not bad enough suffering with the condition and having to put up with these strange pains with out having to worry about stressing over the condition. All stress does is make it all feel worst and makes me worry al the time that something bad is going to happen. I have a constant feeling of doom and gloom waiting for me around the corner and could strike at any time. I could get one big attacks too many and wont recover from it. Yet again, i could get run over by a bus when i walk up the chemist. I have just as much chance of that happening as i do with the big attack to end all. I don’t think it will actually happen but it don't half make you feel horrible thinking about it all the time.
I have been trying to keep myself busy and not dwell on the problems i am having but it so hard not to. It did help when i was decorating the flat for the last 2 weeks as that kept me focused on something different and i would look forwards to making it all new, fresh and clean. I still have a few things to do but these are jobs that will now have to wait until after Christmas. I plan on doing my bedroom but want a new bedroom suite before i go re-decorating it. I also need to do the floor in the hallway and lay some new tiles but i have to wait for John to come with me to get the tiles as there is no way i will be able to carry them home by my self. Something else that keeps annoying me as i could just get on with it otherwise!
Have almost completed my Christmas shopping, thankfully i don’t have to stress about finding my mother something for Christmas as she would like to have her hair done and be pampered at the hair dressers so for a treat i will give her the money to go and have a few hours of pampering. My step father is also easy to get presents for as both him and my mother breed birds, parakeets and parrots to be exact, and their upkeep can become expensive so i will give him money to spend on his birds and do with how he sees fit. At least this way i know they will both do or get something they want for Christmas instead of taking the chance by getting something that they may or may not like. My brother was easy to buy for as he broke his computer chair so this year i decided to treat him to a brand new one from the company that makes the strong smart chairs. He’s a big guy so he needs something that's not going to fold under his weight and not last five minuets due to shoddy components and workmanship. Paying the extra few pennies may ensure it will last that little bit longer than normal.
Again i was woken at 4am this morning with a threat of an attack but thankfully it didn't develop into a big attack and it has eased off for the time being. It doesn’t mean i could go back to sleep, oh no i wouldn’t have been that lucky. Instead it has been shooting pains up and down the nerve in the back behind the shoulder blade and also chest pains every now and again making me worry even more. I am really starting to get fed up with waiting for my new appointment with the specialist. Its as if now that i have my diagnosis and oxygen then don’t want to know anymore and are leaving me to suffer in pain on my own. I don’t know how much more i can take as its really stating to get to me again. I don’t think i can go on like this so i am going to book an appointment to see my doctor and ask for her help. I keep chasing the specialist and leaving messages on his secretary's answer machine but they never get back to me and i have still heard nothing.
How someone can be left to suffer so much on their own with no help or any way of getting any relief is just beyond my understanding. How can they let me suffer like this. If i was a dog they would have put me down by now the amount of attacks and problems i have been having. Now to top things off i am getting problems with my back again. This time there is no way it can be the medication again. If it is i am going to scream as it would mean i would have to stop the Pregabilin treatment all over again and with out anything what so ever to help with the pains and the attacks i am going to be in a world of hurt.
