Pain free, lets hope its lasts longer than last time.

Clock up another pain free day! I didn’t get anymore attacks yesterday despite the weather being horrible and cold. Another cold start this morning woke me up again at 5am but at least i wasn’t woken by the head and the attacks i normally get. I do have a little bit of a shadow there but nothing that will make me worry about getting an attack today.

The weather is not looking great for the rest of the week and weekend. We have more rain forecast for later this evening and more floods on the horizon. I am shocked with the amount of rain we have had in the last few days it is like it is trying t catch up for all the days that we had rain free. there have been so many places shown on TV that are flooded and with out power so i just pray that this wet period will end soon as i have my head scan next weekend and i don't want anything to stop that from happening.

At least it will be dry today so i can at least get all my shopping done and stock up ready for a wet and miserable weekend ahead. I am hoping the cold weather doesn’t start to play havoc with my head again and start to set of these attacks again. Normally i only get 2 or 3 days pain free in between bouts of attacks so i a am hoping for a longer rest period this time. I know the medication is working so fingers crossed.

I have been waking up late just lately this is due to not being woken by the attacks as i normally am and with out having the pain i have been able to remain asleep and lay in for a couple of days but i just know as the weather will start to become even colder and we get Christmas out of the way i just know i will be in agony in the early mornings and late evenings. It seems that this is the time i am most vulnerable to the attacks and they always seem to happen when you are least expecting them to.

The trick with staying warm by wearing a woolly hat during the cold periods works only 50% of the time. I also find if i wear it for too long and i overheat i can also set of an attack so there are days that can become very frustrating as i don’t seem to be able to win when it comes to keeping the attacks at bay. At the moment i am attacks and pain free, lets hope it lasts!

I hate depression, thank god for a pain free period!

So far so good! I was expecting to be in agonising pain and have constant attacks when the cold winter months began but so far i have been very lucky. Medication seems to be keeping the small attacks at bay and when the larger ones do decide to pay me a visit, if i can’t abort them with the injection, they tend to last a shorter period of time compared to what they used to be like. I still have massive ones and i still get the long lasting attacks but not as often as they were.

I have just booked another appointment with my doctor to ask that they now continue with the increase in the amount of medication i am taking as my depression has now stabilised and i have stopped yo-yoing. It is very difficult to know whether it is the medication causing it or it is just my bi-polar disorder playing up again. Ever since i came back to the UK in the millennium my bi-polar has been causing me major problems. I have had more periods being down and depressed than i have had high periods. The low periods can get so bad that you feel suicidal and can’t see anything positive in your life. Having the attacks all the time and shutting myself away has also had its effect on me and i find myself feeling alone all the time and not wanting to be anywhere where there are crowds of people. Even visiting friends is off the menu as you just can’t bring yourself into going out the front door and end up turning around and staying home instead.

You would think after suffering such a condition all your life you would be able to control it by now, but even with all the little tricks i have learnt over the years and making sure i stick to routines i still find myself overwhelmed when the low periods start and i end up just falling apart and find myself not coping. I have to admit depression is one illness that no one really understands and i wonder if anything can really be done to get rid of it. I find the medication i take is the only thing that brings me back to a normal level but even that isn’t enough when i get my worst days. For now i am just thankful of the medication and hope these depressed days will soon solve themselves as i get the medication right for dealing with the CH and attacks.

At least today i have seemed to have settled. I don’t have any sign of a shadow and apart from an attack earlier this morning when walking over to my mothers, i am sure the wind set it off as it was blowing straight into my left eye and was quite cold, I haven’t really had anymore signs of attacks building so i am hoping it could be the start of another pain free period and i will get a couple of days where i can catch up with things i have just put off because i have been too bad to deal with them.

Coffee calms the beast….why?

When i first started this blog i didn't have a clue what i would be writing about or how i would write it but it’s not until you look back you realise how easily it builds up. At least if i can make one person understand what this condition is like and that it actually exists then i have done what i set out to do. I have been very lucky the last few days with the change in weather being so drastic, i haven't had anywhere near the amount of attacks i normally get this time of year and am so convinced now the medication has started to work. When you talk about your condition with someone it some times gets annoying when they say they know what you are going through, they have suffered with migraines or headaches but in reality they haven’t a clue and can’t even imagine 10% of the amount of pain we have to put up with. The only way of describing the pain is it is the same level of pain you get before you die except in our case we have to live with it over and over again.

I am so thankful of the injection i have as they are the only thing that will actually stop one of these attacks otherwise each one can last between 1 and 2 hours depending on the strength of the attack. The are other days where you get smaller ones constantly through the day and can end up with anything between 8 and 15 attacks. There is always a shadow proceeding the bigger of the attacks, like a feeling of pressure constantly pushing on a nerve in the head causing you constant discomfort and pain. Then there is the neck, like someone has put grit between your joints as they grind away. A feeling of like there is a golf ball stuck in the bottom of you neck that keeps causing you pain. The shooting pains down your back each time you move and it is almost impossible to sit still for periods of time. The agony of actually walking as shooting pains from down your back and your legs each time you take a step and the feeling like your legs are suddenly made of lead.

So far i have been lucky with the medication as the first drug the specialist recommended seems to have taken affect. this gives me reassurance that the doctors know what they are talking about as the medication and treatment they have prescribed me is actually working. They have reduced the amount of attacks i get in a day but i still get the bigger attacks and when they do come they always seems as they are getting worst, if there was any possible way of being any worst than they are, and sometimes even the injections can’t stop the strongest ones.

Today is another wet and miserable day and i know its going to be a painful one as i have been getting strong shadows all morning. The shadow even woke me up this morning at around 5am but i have been able to keep the attacks away just by drinking coffee witch seems to calm the shadow. I am just hoping i can keep it from building for the rest of the day.

Hot and Cold flushes..

Yesterday was a strange day when it comes to my attacks and illness. I continued the day with no attacks and very little shadows until just after lunch. It was then i started to feel very rough. I started to have hot and cold sweats and the neck started to hurt and again feel like there was a ball stuck in my neck. Every time i turned my head it seemed to send shooting pains from the neck right into the front of my eye. What was causing it i didn’t have a clue.

It was then late afternoon, early evening that i started to get a blocked nose and sore throat. At first i thought it was due to my head about to play up as normally i get a blocked nose when the bad attacks appear but this wasn’t the case. Sweat continued to poor off me and i began to get a light head and start feeling sick. I was coming down with a nasty cold or the flu.

Every time i tried to relax i would begin yawning and that would pull the muscle in my neck and would end up starting off a head attack. Some of the attacks i had yesterday have to be described as some of the worst i have had to date. There was even a point last night i would have sworn i was going to die and was even praying to god to finish it quick so i didn’t have to suffer any long than was needed. I have had many attacks over the last 10 years and have had some that are so strong you even pass out with them. Last night was different. I think it was due to a mixture of having a bad cold and a bad head and they were irritating each other causing me serous pain and discomfort.

So far today i have been lucky. Last night i wrapped up in bed with the heating on full blast and the electric fire on also. Anyone who came into my flat would have sworn i had started using it as a sauna it was so hot. I think this has helped as i must have sweated out most of the cold and i don't feel so bad today. I am still getting the hot and cold flushes and a sore throat but nothing i cant handle at the moment and thankfully the head is behaving itself so fingers crossed it will remain like this for the rest of the day and i can kick this cold into touch.

Pain During the Winter Months..

Even though the weather has become freezing cold, especially during the mornings, i didn’t get any attacks build yesterday. I did have a bit of a shadow but it didn’t build into a painful attack like it normally does. I did however get woken up again at 3am this morning with a small attack that i assume was caused by the cold getting to the top of my head again. As soon as i put on my woolly hat it stopped and i managed to get back to sleep. Normally once you are awake and the pain has begun there is no way on earth you can get back to sleep as it just keeps causing your neck and back to ache and the little shooting pains over the head is enough to drive you insane, I was very lucky this morning as i didn’t get any of these and i managed to fall back to sleep until 8.30 this morning.

I now know for sure that the medication that i am on is working and has caused a reduction in the amount of attacks i get and the severity of the attacks. Normally this time of year is the worst for me and there is no way i could go a day with out having a major attack. Every time the cold used to get to my head it would set of a chain of attacks that would last a couple of days and would take me ages to recover from them. This year i have seen a huge difference in my attacks and the way they build. I am just hoping they continue to be suppressed and eventually they will go into remission completely and i wont have to put up with them all the time.

It’s not long now and i will have the brain scan i have been waiting for, for so long, and finally get the answers that i have been seeking. I just want to put my own mind at rest with regards to the swelling that appears on the left side of the head on the scar where my head was split open like a watermelon. I want to make sure that there isn’t something there that is causing these attacks to appear or develop. If i find that there is “nothing” there and the attacks are a normal part of this condition and the only way to deal with them is through medication for the rest of my life i will be happy. At least by having the scan i can rule out anything that could possibly cause more problems or even death.

Well we are now into the winter months and the weather will now get colder and colder as the months draw in, especially January, this time of year is normally the coldest and for me the worst as the cold not only attacks my head but also my joints and any where on my body i have had damage like a fracture or break and makes it very painful when moving these joints. I am just hoping that by staying warm and taking care to wrap up when going out anywhere will be enough to stop these attacks from building.

Let’s hope it lasts longer this time…

After the last few mornings being icy cold when i wake up i decided last night to actually wear my woolly hat to bed. I know it sounds crazy but it actually worked. Now even when i have a good night i still find myself being woken at around 2am or 3am due to the temperature dropping in the early hours and this irritates my head and sometimes causes an attack to appear. Last night and this morning i didn’t wake up once. I wasn’t disturbed by the cold like normal and managed to sleep in till around 8am this morning, I feel great now my batteries are re-charged again.

I am convinced more than ever about the cold being a main trigger to my attacks and after last night i am now sure of it. I have also found that coffee helps with the shadow, the feeling of pressure i seem to get before the attack builds. It must be the caffeine that's helping to keep the shadow away. I have read on some support web sites that these energy drinks you can get can also help with the shadow feeling and help avoid attacks. I am not sure how good they are but it is something else that i can try when i get a bad period.

Well fishing is over for this year as it is now way too cold for me to be going out and as i found out last time i went, the wind will cause me big problems and bring on some huge attacks if i am not careful so i think its is advisable to wait now until March before i plan any more fishing trips. The trick is to find things to occupy my time so i am not worrying about my condition 24/7. Now that i have replaced my keyboard i can do some more work on my web sites but this is only a temporary stop gap just to occupy my time. I think i will have to try and start a new hobby,something i can do from home.. but what?

I am happy to report that this weekend has been relatively pain free apart from a small attack yesterday that seemed to just disappear just as fast as it was building, and didn’t really cause me any problems like it normally does. I didn’t have ay other attacks during the day. I did have a strong pressure feeling again on the left hand side of the head but that seemed to have vanished by this morning. The weather today is VERY cold outside and we will be lucky if it gets any higher than 5 degrees, also the wind is light so i should be ok when i walk over my mums to join them for dinner later. Fingers crossed this pain free period lasts longer than the last one.

Blog update–November 2012

My keyboard decided to give up the ghost the other day so i have had a while off the computer. i think it may have been a good idea to give my eyes a rest and not use this computer all day every day. I am sure it is having an effect on my eyesight. It is either the computer screen or my medication, but every now and again my eyes go blurred and i cant read the writing properly. I decided to go out and buy a pair of reading glasses, only the very weak ones 0.005 or 1 x (times) in strength, and they seem to work when my eyes do go bad. I also have to face the fact that it could also just be my age catching up with me as i am almost 40.

Well my attacks have continued even though we are using the medication. I think its about time for another increase as that maybe is what is needed. I am sure the body gets used to the medication and starts to become resistant against any foreign chemical that has been introduced. If this is the case no matter what i do the pain attacks will eventually come back. I have my appointment for the brain scan on the 1st December and i can’t wait for this to happen as i am convinced there is something on the side of my head where the scar is that is causing it to swell and in turn causing the attacks to be more regular than is normal for this condition. We’ll have to wait and see what the outcome brings.

At the moment, as i am typing this update, i am slowly getting the feeling of pressure building on the left side of my head so i can actually feel an attack coming on. The shadow feeling is very strong today so i know i am in for some big attacks. It all depends if the precautions i take and staying warm will work and keep the attacks from building. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do the attack will build and the attack will being. That’s the point you start praying to god.

I have now been suffering this condition for 10 years plus. 6 of the years i was completely miss diagnosed and the rest seem to have flown by. The last 2 years have been the worst years of my life, having to constantly battle the beast on a daily basis instead of it being just once in a while. I am impressed with the amount of pain the human body can endure but i have to admit my strength is failing me and as time goes on i find myself with less and less energy each day. The winter months are the worst as they seem to be the main cause of the attacks being so regular and then you get the summer months that are just as frustrating as due to it being warmer you don’t seem to get the warnings that an attack is coming as you seem to have days where you are fine and then suddenly the attacks appear from no where.

My moods have been all over the place as i have been dealing with this condition and coming to terms with the fact that i may suffer for the rest of my life. It also has been playing havoc with my bi-polar disorder and i have found myself yo-yoing when it comes to my moods. One minuet i am fine and can take on the world the next minuet its the end of the world and then i am fine again. I also found myself crying uncontrollably and i haven’t done that or been that bad for years. Luckily the moods have now started to settle and i think are under control again. Lets hope they stay like that. It is bad enough having to deal with the illnesses i have got, having mood swings regular and always feeling low and helpless. These moods don’t last as long as they used to but they get you down all the time and can become annoying when trying to do the most simplest of tasks.

Well that brings my blog up to date and i now have to update my other web sites as i haven’t been able to after breaking my keyboard. At least i am back up and running and still pain free at the moment and the shadow is starting to ease away. Fingers crossed i may even get a pain free weekend.