What a start to a Birthday, The beast and stress….

What a start to a birthday! Woken up at 3am by the beast yet again and then when i was getting ready to go out to visit family a letter drops through the door from the Job centre in Cardiff. The letter was asking me to attend a back to work and work focus interview on the 12th June at 14.45. Hang about it’s the 13th today?

Well you can imagine i panicked and instantly thought they had stopped my money and now i will have to go through hell again sorting it out and explaining my illness again! I rang the centre and was put though to an adviser who informed me she had a niece that also suffers with CH and is going through hell as her doctor doesn't believe the condition exists. Instantly i gave her the name and number of my specialist to contact, the poor girl. Anyway, she went through my details and informed me it was a clerical error and not to worry about it.

They also informed me that i would be able to do the interview over the phone instead of having to travel down to the centre. I am so grateful as there is now way i could jump on a bus and travel down town with my head playing up as it is today. I know the advisor said not to worry but when you suffer from bi-polar or any depressive illness for that matter, you worry over the silliest of things and something small becomes a mountain and seems impossible to sort out. I am just grateful she knew and understood what i was talking about and put me at ease. I don’t know what i would have done if it had gone the other way and they demanded i attend the office.

At the moment it is raining outside and the skies are grey so it looks like this weather is set to last a while. The trouble is it has also brought the beast with it as i am getting some very strong shadows today, my head feels very heavy and the neck is sore. I know i am in for a few attacks today. I am just hoping they aren’t too strong. It looks like i am going to be stuck indoors all day now as i have to wait for the supervisor to ring me and do the interview over the telephone and also as my head is playing up so i will end up shutting myself away and staying close to my oxygen tank. What a birthday, oh well if i don’t laugh i will cry so chin up and crack on with it.

Birthday Tomorrow, Nothing to do, Nowhere to Go….

Another early morning wake up call from the beast today and resulting in me staying up since 3am this morning. My eyes feel sore and i feel tired but just can’t seem to fall asleep so i may as well wait until tonight and try and get an early night to catch up on my rest. My neck is feeling really sore on the left hand side and is sending shooting pain down my spine and back. I was hoping by starting the Verapamil again i would put a stop to the early morning wake up calls but instead all it does is explode my stomach causing extreme wind and pains in my left and right sides.

It then causes my back to play up and i get pains in my right kidney area. I must be allergic to something in the tablet or it is reacting with one of my other medications so i have had to stop them again and will have to wait to see the specialist and see if there is something else we can do. Even though i have stopped the tablets after the first day of re-taking them, i am still getting problems and will probably continue like this until what ever it is works its way out of the body.

Only another day t go and i reach the big 40, half way through life or so they say. Due to the weather changing and becoming bad i have had to cancel my fishing trip for my birthday until later in the month s i have ended up with no where to go and nothing to do on my birthday. I decided this year to treat myself for my birthday and have been putting together all new fishing tackle as a birthday present to myself.

I now have everything i wanted including my new bivvi so i can do some night fishing and stay warm and out of the wind and rain. There is only one more thing i have to get which is being ordered on Friday and i have completed my set and i am ready for the new fishing season and take on  some of the rivers and streams and fisheries around Wales, I am so looking forwards to a year of great fishing. I also want to get some match luggage that i found on Dragon Carp Direct for £30, a nice blue set of luggage so i can separate the two types of fishing tackle i have. One lot for Carp and Specimen fishing and the other lot for Match and Competition fishing.

Well there’s not much else i really want for my Birthday apart to visit my family and have a relaxing day. I gave up drinking many years ago as it doesn’t agree with me as i tend to over do things and end up ill and i can’t see the fun in that. I don’t really go out anywhere no or even eat out as i worry about having attacks all the time and struggle when having to travel on a bus. I think its just going to be a day where i will try and lay in and catch up on my sleep and end up relaxing in front of the TV watching a film or two.

The Beast has come back to play in the early hours..

After being woken yesterday morning at 3am by the beast i thought i would get away with not having any more attacks as the weather was nice and sunny. I went to my mothers to have Sunday diner and i didn't have any signs of attacks building but suddenly after i ate my dinner an attack appeared from no where. My eye suddenly became swollen and the sharp pain started from behind the eye and over the top of the head into my neck. I took my injection but as it was a big attack it took some time before it started to work. This was quite a surprise as normally when the weather is good i don't get the attacks during the day i normally get them in the early hours.

Again this morning i was woken by the beast at 4am with another big attack. It was that strong it actually over powered the injection and i had to ride the attack for over 30 minuets. luckily i had my oxygen to help reduce the amount of time the attack lasted as normally it would have lasted well over an hour. Again my eye became swollen and i couldn’t see out of it and the sharp pain was going over the top of the head and into the neck making me feel like i had a lump stuck in the neck causing it to grind every time i moved my head. The scar on the left side of the head at the top became swollen once again and the pan was so strong it made my ears ring loud and i couldn’t even hear the TV.

I have restarted my Verapamil tablets today so its only the first day taking them so i won’t see any benefits until the second week. When i took them before, when my IBS decided to start and cause me agony, it took up to 2 weeks before it started to have an effect on my attacks. I cold actually feel the medication block the attacks as they would build and then i would get a funny feeling and they would then stop. I am hoping that it works the same again and doesn’t start causing my IBS to play up again. I think the last time i took them it was just bad timing and i don't think they contributed to the problems i was having but you never know. If it does start to cause me problems in the stomach and bowls again i will just have to stop and we will have to find an alternative medication to do the job.

It’s not long now till my 40th birthday, i can’t believe i am already that old. I still feel like i am in my 20’s. Apart from my illness i am still feeling young inside but the body seems to be letting me down. The pains in the back when i am walking seems to be getting worst as time goes on and the problems with my head an bowls seem to take up most of my time. I do go out fishing as i enjoy it and it’s a sport that i love but apart from that i don’t really do anything else except visit my mothers and clean the flat each day when i am not in pain. I really do have to start getting out more as i tend to lock myself away due to fear of having attacks in public. If i could get a portable oxygen tank then maybe i would be able to get out a bit more. I will have to ask the specialist the next time i see him as i am due to get an appointment soon.

Monthly Blog Update - June 2013

Yet again in the early hours of the morning the beast decided to pay me a visit and wake me up in agonising pain. Sharp shooting pains from behind the eye and over the top of my head on the left hand side. The left eye became puffy and swollen and wouldn’t stop running with water. the neck again felt like there was a lump stuck in it causing it to grind each time i moved my head and the swelling on the scar on the top of my head came back and became a large lump

Well its only 2 more days to go and i start the Verapamil tablets again so i am hoping these nearly morning wake up calls will soon come to an end. the last time i was on them the attacks seemed to stop all together but it could also be the hot weather helping to keep them away so i wont know how good they are until net winter comes. i am hoping i don’t have a repeat of last winter and attacks every day non stop. It takes a lot out of you and you feel so weak after an attack.

My hernia is feeling better but is still swollen on the top of my groin so i know its still there and every now and again i get sharp pain. I have asked the doctor for a referral to the specialists to see if they can do something about it as i don't want to suffer with that for the rest of my life as it will be annoying and very uncomfortable

My back has been playing up really badly the last couple of weeks and i have been having lots of pain when i am walking. Even when i am taking things easy the pain comes and seems to spread into the bum cheeks. Again i have asked to be seen by a specialist and am still waiting for an appointment. They did send me a letter saying i have been referred to the acute pain management and back specialist but i have been put on a waiting list. I got the letter last month after waiting 2 months already. i am just hoping it doesn’t take as long as it did for me to get a diagnosis for the attacks as that took a total of 10 years before i found the specialist that knows what he is talking about and finally got the help and the mediation i so desperately needed.

Still my bowls are playing up and i am getting so much wind its embarrassing. Every time i am out walking to the shop i can’t seem to stop passing wind and when you are on a bus or in a cue n a shop its not the most pleasant of experiences. People looking at you in disgust even when you try and excuse yourself. the tablets i am taking for the IBS seems to work and have settled my stomach no problem. i don’t get any more sharp pains in the sides unless i eat something that upsets it and then its hell. i am just hoping this will get better over time and eventually i will be able to stop taking the tablets as i am taking enough medication with out all these extra problems.

All i can do for the time being is wait for the appointments and keep taking the medication to help ease the symptoms. I try not to do too much walking if i can help it but when you live alone and have to do your own shopping and cleaning etc. it very hard no to move around. I try and rest my hernia as much as is possible and it seems to work but then when i have to go and do my shopping and carry my bags i always end up aggravating it again and end up in pain, i can’t win.

The Call of the Beast!

Yet again i was woken at 3 am not quite knowing why i was wide awake at that time of the morning and then it hit me! Sharp pain from behind the eye shooting over the top of the head on the left and into the back of my neck. Pain like you couldn't imagine. By the time i got up and went into the bathroom to go to the toilet my eye had already swollen up and was dripping with water. The neck felt like i had a golf ball stuck inside it again and every movement felt as if it was grinding away the bone.

Even after taking my injection it took at least 20 minuets to stop the attack and again i had to jump on my oxygen bottle to help me deal wit the level of pain i was getting. Each time i tried to stand up it started to make my head throb so i just sat back down and waited patiently for the attack to finish. It's crazy how strong pain always seems to make me feel sick. I know its not the actual attack that is doing it so can only assume its the level of pain i get that makes me feel ill but so far i have never actually been sick when having an attack.

It can't be the weather that has caused this attack as it is sunny and warm and even when i woke up early this morning i wasn't feeling cold in fact it was the opposite as i kept throwing off my quilt during the night where i was so warm. The last couple of days i have been getting a few attacks again and think it could be down to stress as the other day when i was trying to update my blogg i ended up shorting out my computer and something went bang. It was either the monitor or the computer itself that has broken. When i tested the system it started up ok when the screen wasn't connected but as soon as i connect the screen to the tower it just doesn't want to turn on. This tells me there must be a short in the monitor itself. Thank god it wasn't the tower itself as there is loads of work on the hard drives that i have still not backed up and at one point yesterday i thought i had lost it all for good.

Its not long till my birthday and my birthday fishing trip where i will be spending the entire weekend down at my local lake camped out in my new bivvy. My brother will be joining me for the first day and a few friends will be popping down and joining me for the second day of fishing. I will get a chance to try out all my new fishing tackle and see if i can master my local lake and catch the monster carp that is in there. I a waiting untill i get the right 2 days of clear weather and then we will be off so i am looking to go a week Saturday or a week Sunday, i can't wait.

The beast is sleeping, I can’t wait for my b-day fishing trip!

It wasn’t until i was reading back over my blog yesterday that i realised we still didn’t find out exactly what started my stomach and bowls off and how i have ended up with bad IBS. I can agree with the doctors about the medication and too many painkillers can cause constipation but when you don’t actually take that many pain killers it doesn’t make sense. I was so constipated that when straining just to go to the toilet i ended up giving myself a hernia. Every day i have to contend with my bowls and wind all the time and the pains you get when you have wind trapped inside the body moving around your organs. All this for no reason apart from possible medication

Then you are told to take even more medication just to ease these symptoms and you start to get side effects from those medications also. Its just like one giant circle of battling the different medications in order just to feel well. The only thing i can think of that started off the IBS is the injections i have been taking for my head or the actual Pregabilin medication that i rely on the keep the beast at bay. Now that i have the condition and have to rely on the tablets to calm it down it is finally coming under control and i am able to move about a lot more than i could when it was playing up. Stress also plays a huge part with the IBS and makes it play up even worst. So the more pain you get the more you worry and the more it hurts and so on.

I am just thankful that i have been feeling a lot better than i was a few weeks ago. I still have a feeling of pressure on the back on the right hand side and i am still passing wind like there is no tomorrow but at least the pain is now under control. My head attacks have reduced in the number i get in a weekly period so that has also made me feel a lot happier and now that i have my new teeth from the dentist and it takes years of the face i have been feeling a lot happier in myself. I am still restricted in where i go and how far i travel as having an attack away from home still scares me and the pain i get when i walk is still there so i have to take it easy.

I have reserved my Bivi this morning and will go down the shop to buy it tomorrow so that's the last piece of fishing equipment i need and i am ready for my birthday fishing trip. My brother has agreed to come with me and we are going to fish my local lake so its not far from my flat and my mothers in case of any emergencies. I really love going fishing as for some reason it just seems to calm me and although sometimes you have to work hard in order to catch your fish i always seem to feel relaxed and don’t worry about my attacks. If i do get one i can always dive inside my bivi, take my injection and then finish fishing when the pain has gone. The fishing web site that i have created also helps me keep my mind off my illness and on something positive. All this helps me cope with what is going on with my health at the moment.

I am still awaiting a couple of referrals, one for my back problem and the serious pain specialist and also one for the hernia. I really hope there is something they can do about the hernia as it constantly causes me pain in the side and the back where it is pulling on the muscles with the swelling. The swelling on my groin is still quite large so there is still a lot of liquid there and makes me sit funny and uncomfortable. Even when i am sleeping i constantly aggravate it and end up waking myself up all the time. At least the weather is nice and the beast is still asleep at the moment.

The head is calm and stomach is good but still i get pains in the back!

Well i have managed to stay attack free most of the weekend and feel great for it. I did have an attack on Friday whilst at a BBQ at my mothers witch i found very unusual as the sun was blazing and it remained hot all day. Normally when the weather is like that i don’t get any attacks building but for some strange reason on Friday i suddenly had a strong shadow appear. I was so surprised i even mentioned it to my mother about 20 minuets before the attack showed its face. It was a bad attack also as it took some time for my injection to kick in and work and instead of walking home as i had planned my brother had to drive me home in case i became any worst.

The weather has been good to us all weekend and is set to be good all week so hopefully i won’t have a repeat of Fridays attack. I will be starting my Verapamil treatment once again as from Monday onwards so i should hopefully see a huge improvement from them as well as the nice weather. Last time i started taking the Verapamil i was pain free continuously after the second week on the medication so i am hoping that when next winter comes around i won’t have to go through all the attacks and agony that i suffered with last winter. The combination of Pregabilin and Verapamil should hopefully put the beast to sleep once and for all and the attacks will soon become a thing of the past.

My stomach has started to settle down over the last week as well and although i still have the hernia in the groin area i am not getting anywhere near as much pain as i was getting. The IBS seems to have calmed down and the tablets must be working. I am still passing loads of wind though and ever now and again i get pains in my back just to remind me i have a problem. I am starting to think that the pains i get in the back have definitely got something to do with my spine as i am still getting days where i find it very difficult to walk any distance. When i do the pains become strong and spread into my bum cheeks and i have to stop for 20 minuets or so just to let the pains calm down before i continue my journey. the trouble with this is that i end up stopping about 3 or 4 times before i reach my destination and it takes me 3 times longer to get anywhere.

Well its the start of June and not long till my birthday. I can’t believe its the big 40 this year! Oh my god! where has the time gone, it only seems like yesterday i was enjoying my 30th birthday. Well i have decided to do something i enjoy for my birthday so i have decided to go fishing at one of my local lakes and spend the whole weekend or 2 days during the week, when ever the best weather is, and camp out over night to do some night fishing also. My brother is going to come fishing wit me for my birthday so it should be a fun trip and enjoyable as he is also looking forwards to it just as much as i am.