Another Christmas has gone and another New Year passed. As we start 2015, unfortunately with more attacks from the beast, i am trying to stay as positive as i can and hoping that the medication will soon have these attacks under control once again. Each morning i am woken in the early hours by the beast causing some big attacks that seem to last most of the day. Although the main attacks are over within an hour it leaves me in pain all day long. I get sharp shooting pains up and down the left side of my back and of course what i call the shadows constantly aggravating my head with the feeling of pressure on the left side of my face and head. It feels like each time i get an attack more and more of me becomes damaged and i end up with more problems to deal with.
Again my bowels have given up on me and no longer work properly. I find that i can’t even push my stool out as the strength is just not there when i try. I end up filling up on food and drink through the week and then every 5 or 6 days my stomach starts to hurt and i end up in a lot of pain and then the bowels will suddenly open on the 7th or 8th day with what i can only describe as sewage. My bowels empty as it turns to water or runny porridge and the smell…. well i won’t go into too much detail as it is gross but you can imagine. The food must be rotting inside of me and then when it becomes toxic the body is having to remove it the hard way. This has been going on for some time now and has only become this bad in the last 3 to 4 weeks. I have tried everything and am taking 3 different types of laxatives and still i have big problems. I am booked in to see my doctor this Wednesday otherwise i would be making an emergency appointment it has become that bad.
I am struggling to eat food and drink as when i do it hits my stomach and then i get a lot of aches and pains and wind build up due to the problem with the bowels. This can make it very uncomfortable and painful for the entire week until the bowels decided to do what they must to get rid of it. No matter how much laxative i take it just wont go back to normal. If i stop taking the laxative it becomes completely impossible and i can go almost 2 weeks with out going to the toilet and that becomes so painful i just don’t know what i can do to stop all this happening. I am praying the doctor will have some idea as to why the sudden change and why it has become so bad. I believe it is down the the damaged nerve that is causing me so much pain and trouble and has also caused a weakness in the left side of my body. I think the muscle isn’t working properly and that's why i can’t seem to push my stool out.
It’s bad enough suffering from the attacks each day and having to deal with the side effects of the different medications i am on. Now i have another problem caused by either the medication or by the weakness in my muscles. This all comes from the beast. The attacks are what started the weakness and now it seems to be getting worst and worst as time goes by. Even though i am now down to 50% of the attacks i normally get, this is an amazing improvement compared to the start of last year, the trouble i am having due to the medication i am on is really getting to me. I no longer go out due to the fear of the cold bringing on attacks and the fact that my stomach and back is now in constant pain all the time. I wish someone would cut me a break and that just for once i could go a week with out any problems at all.
Again the Atos medical group have called me down for a medical review that they said was from the department of works and pensions to see if i am ill. Are they for real? I can’t believe they have called me down especially as we have kept all departments up to date with all my treatment and now they are making me go through it all again after i did all this last year. I am really worried about having an attack whilst i am down at the review centre as they have no medical facilities in which i can get help so i am on my own. I will have my injections and pray that the beast doesn’t appear when i am with the doctor otherwise they will have to cancel the appointment and i will have to be re-booked. don’t want all that to happen as i just want to get it over and done with. I don't understand why they wouldn’t come to my home and see me as i have nothing to hide from them and wish i didn't suffer from these illness’s. Lets hope it all goes smoothly and i can then relax for the rest of the year and concentrate on getting better and stop worrying about silly things.
