Another early morning call from the beast resulting in over an hour of non stop agony and pain. No matter how many attacks i get i can never get used to the level of pain that you get when you have an attack. There is nothing on this planet that i know of that i can compare it with as it is so painful it even makes me loose consciousness at times and i end up waking up straight back into the pain and the attack. I know i have actually passed out as when i come around and my vision returns my head throbs violently and makes me feel extremely sick. Thankfully it doesn’t actually make you physically sick as i don’t think i could stand being sick at the same time as being in screaming agony.
The attack takes the same route every time and never changes. It starts behind the left eye and goes over the top of the head on the left side and straight into the neck. When i have an attack and for hours afterwards i can feel a swollen ridge over the top of the head that i can only assume is the nerve when it swells up in pain. You also get a feeling like you have a ball stuck inside you neck at the point where the pain enters and no matter what you do it just doesn’t go until the pain has stopped. The worst part about the attacks is that they come on so quickly with no warning and then disappear just as fast. This is one of the main reasons my original doctor used to say it was just a migraine and i was exaggerating the amount of pain. I would love to take my diagnosis letter and shove it in his gob but unfortunately he was signed off from being a doctor and was put in prison due to him sexually assaulting a female patient. He got what he deserves if you ask me.
It is pointless me putting in another complaint about him as it has been many years now since i had him as a doctor and my case was eventually taken up by the practises owner and his ex-partner and wife. She is a great doctor who really knows her stiff but unfortunately doesn’t have a clue about the condition i suffer but as i am under her for other reasons, including drug addiction where i became addicted to every type of pain killer ever invented, I have to remain with her as a patient. I don’t have any complaints about the treatment i have received off her apart from the fact that she is very busy all the time and getting appointments to see her is very difficult and can end up with you having to wait up to a maximum of 4 weeks until an appointment is available. It’s only a week to go now until i can see her about the lump in my back becoming worst and the other problems i have with my health.
I have done so much research about my condition over the last few years i could fill a DVD disk with all the documents i have accumulated. It wasn’t until i was looking over some of the documents and also my blog entries that i actually realised i am slowly loosing my memory. I can only assume it is down to the condition itself or even the medication i am on but what ever is causing it has me worried. I seem to loose quite a lot of information and can’t remember things i have done the previous month. My long term memory doesn’t seem to be effected yet and my immediate memory seems to be ok but for some reason i keep loosing not days but weeks at a time and can’t remember anything i have done in those periods of time. This is scary as you just never know when you could loose your memory completely. I hope that never happens and that it is just a side effect of a medication that will in time improve but won’t get any worst than it already is.
I am hoping that as soon as they take care of the lump in my back and the problem i have eating and drinking i will be able to start the last medication i was on for my cluster attacks. It was the first medication that i can honestly say i could feel that it was working and almost stopped my attacks completely. It is such a shame that i had to stop the medication due to the other problems i was having as i couldn’t risk more side effects making me worst than i was already. I have left messages for my specialist at neurology and asked that they can make an appointment for me as soon as is possible but i feel he will now wait until i have had the endoscopy and other treatment before they continue trying to get the beast under control and try and get my attacks into remission. Let’s hope i don’t have too much more time to wait and that it will all be taken care of before the end of the year.
