Once again the Beast has decided o wake me up at 3am this morning and with an attack that was so strong it over powered the injection and i had to put up with the agonising pain for well over an hour. It was so bad i could feel a sharp throbbing behind the eye like i was being stabbed in the eye over and over again and again. The left side of my face felt like my skin had melted and everything was drooping despite the sharp pain behind the eye and over the top of the head. As i run my hand over the head i could feel the welling like a ridge over the head and into the back of my neck. I was praying so hard to god for him to take away he pain as i just couldn’t take it no longer. The sharp pain travelled down my back from my neck causing my left side to light up in pain.The ringing in my ears became so loud i couldn’t hear outside sound.
The pain just kept on growing stronger and stronger and by the end of an hour i was on the deck rolling in pain banging my head on the floor wishing it would just crack open and release the demon that was causing this agony. Once again the injection did nothing to ease the pain and i had to ride the attack for the full duration praying to god that this wasn’t the attack that would finish me off. It was a while before it stopped but when it did it was as sudden as throwing a switch. The pain in the head was gone and the agony over but it still leaves the back in aches and pains all day long. The pain you get in the back then threatens to set off another attack or after shocks as i call them , smaller but just as painful.
Thank god i have my appointment with the specialist later today as i don’t know how much more of this i can take. It’s ok saying you have injections and oxygen to help you manage but i would love to see them suffer as we CH sufferers do all the time, scared to go to far from your home in case of a big attack. Scared to go shopping as carrying heavy bags hurts the back and then end up setting off head attacks later in the day. Constantly fighting constipation due to all the medication you have to take and having stomach problems and side effects. I didn’t mind it so much when it was only a couple of attacks a month as i was able to hide away, drug myself up to deal with the pain at the time and then back to normal for a while. Now that i have attacks every day, and sometimes with out any warning, has destroyed my quality of life and tried to snatch away my future.
It has been so hard coming to terms with the fact that i will suffer for the rest of my life, be it long or short, with a condition that will give me more pain than actually chopping off a limb with no aesthetic and there is no cure. All they will be able to do is try and put it into remission using a combination of drugs and treatment. This does give me some hope but the down side is that i will end up having side effects from the medication and maybe even big problems later in life. I am now in my 40’s so the body doesn’t repair itself like it used to when you are young so its going to be hard. One thing i did decide was that if i do have to suffer his condition and put up with these attacks all the time then i wasn’t going to let i rule my life any more and 2014 is the year that i really start to fight back. I have my fishing and friends to help me so i don’t really have any excuses other than my health. This is why i can’t wait for the cold snap to come and go so i can get out and do some fishing once again as this helps me to deal with the beast and keeps me calm and focused on something other than illness all the time.
