Friday 25th April
Thankfully i have managed a couple of days with out having any major attacks and it seems like my back has got a bit better as well as my head. I wish i could say the same for my bowels. I am still having trouble and am still very constipated and can’t seem to go to toilet properly. Even when i try and pee it seems like i have to put an awful amount of effort into it, where as before i could stand and take a pee like any normal man but since i have been having problems i am unable to do this and have to sit and strain in order to pass water.
I am hoping i continue to improve from now on as the wind seems to have gone down a bit. I still have air pockets underneath my moobs, that have appeared ever since i bloated up the first time. Normally i am quite slim and athletic but over the last couple of years that seems to have gone out the window and i find that i am putting on weight even though i don’t eat that much food. I am lucky to have more than 2 meals per day as normally i miss out on breakfast as i never seem to feel hungry first thing in the morning. It is something i have to start doing on a regular basis i think and start making sure i have 3 regular meals each day and make sure i eat the right type of foods instead of quick and easy meals all the time. You could say my diet is terrible as most of the time i am eating TV dinners and there just isn't the goodness and nutrients in the food that the body needs.
I booked my transport to the hospital today ready for Tuesday for when i go back and see the specialist and see what the next step is in trying to get my attacks under control. I have also booked my transport for the first of May for when i get a heart monitor fitted so they can monitor my heart for 24 hours top determine what is wrong, if anything, and try and get to the bottom of why i keep on getting a racing heart for no reason. I don’t have to do anything in fact it comes even when i lay down to go to bed. All of a sudden i will be able to feel my heart beat right through the whole body and it starts to race off on its own. I have to lay there and try and concentrate on my breathing so not to send me into a panic attack and make things worst. This usually helps and i end up just falling asleep when it has clamed down.
After doing lots of research on the internet about my condition i managed to come across the migraine clinic in London that claim to be able to do a medical operation that could cure me from my condition. If this is the case then why hasn’t my specialist offered me such an option. They seem to believe its one of the main nerves that goes up the side of the nose, behind the eye and over the head and it does sound like the attacks that i get. he trouble is this procedure costs a lot of money and there doesn’t seem to be any funding for it. They say they give you a Botox toxin test to see if the long term operation will actually work for you before you even get accepted for the operation and this test alone costs over £300.
If you are successful and accepted for the operation it then costs a couple of thousand pounds for all the treatment and after care that is required. It is possible that this is just a scam to make money out of those who are suffering like myself but i am going to pull it up at my next appointment with the Neurologist and see what he thinks. So far he is the only one that has managed to give me any help with my condition and been able to give me the correct medication in order to manage my condition. Ok i may have had a few set backs with some of the medication we have tried and the side effects they have given me but at least i am being seen regularly and if there are any problems they are there to help me out.
Saturday 26th April
So much for a nice long break! I was again woken by the Beast this morning in the early hours once again. It was around 3am when the beast decided to come calling and once again i woke up not feeling one bit tired. I was just suddenly wide awake and it took a few seconds before i realised why i was so awake. Then suddenly the body burst into cold sweats, the left nose started to become blocked, the neck started to get sharp stabbing pains right at the join where it meets the spine. Then suddenly the sharp pain appeared behind the eye and into the top of my jaw. Then , as the pain become stronger, it spread over the top of my head following the scar on the left side of the skull where it was split open many years ago. The pain the joined the neck pain and started shooting pains to appear in the top half of my back stretching under my shoulder blade. Also i was getting sharp pains stretching across the front of my chest towards the heart making me feel like there was a muscle cramp. All this happens in just a few moments and the pain feels like it is going to last for ever.
I know why the attack started as once again i could feel a cold band around the top of my head so i can assume it was the cold that once again set it off. I have also been getting some sharp pains in the neck for the last 2 days and thought it was from sleeping awkward or tossing and turning during the night whilst asleep in bed. I haven’t done anything to injure myself so can only assume it is the same thing that caused me to be rushed into hospital last time. If that is the case then i better take it easy for a couple of days as i don’t want it setting off attacks all the time again. I don’t think i could go through all that again, i just don’t have the strength. Thankfully the injection managed to get control and abort the attack but i still had to ride out at least 20 minuets of agony but that is so much better than having to ride it for 1 or 3 hours. By the end of it you are so drained and tired you actually welcome death. Just to be put out of your misery and not have to be in so much pain all the time is a wish that is looking less and less obtainable as each month goes by.
It does get to you some times, having to deal with several attacks per day and knowing that there is nothing anyone can do about it. Also knowing that there is nothing you can take that will stop the pain or even reduce it. I have tried every drug known to mankind in order to try and deal with the ain but as a very wise doctor said to me, you can’t treat pain only supress it, you have to treat the cause! He is so right! I have been to hell and back trying to deal with my condition and get control of the pain but nothing has worked and all that it has done is slowly strip away my life. It didn’t help being bi-polar i suppose as everything can seem a lot worst than it actually is. In this case i think i am justified in the way i feel as to have a condition that has no cure is a night mare and i would wish it on my worst enemy. I am just praying that when i see the specialist next week he will have a plan of action and a new drug to try and hopefully i wont get so many side effects as i have done with the last 3 attempts. I have been so unlucky when it comes to my health it is beyond belief.
The weather has been very strange this year as we had a strange start not seeing any kind of real winter. it seemed as if winter had forgotten to show its face and spring came early. Even though we have had warmer weather at the start of this year we are still seeing a very wet April and May and this can cause my head havoc. The low pressure fronts that bring the rain and colder weather always seems to cause my head to play up and increase the number of attacks i get. I am hoping that with the pre-forecast of an Indian summer, or at least a very warm one, i will get less and less attacks as the warmer weather approaches.This will also mean i will be able to get out and about a lot more and get one with some fishing. I haven’t really started my fishing properly this year due to all the problems i have been having but i am hoping that as my stomach and bowels start to become better and better each day i will soon be able to get out a few times a week and really get some fishing done.
