Yet again i have been woken by the beast in the early hours due to the temperature dropping and me feeling a cold band around the top of my head. Since i have been back from hospital i seem to have gotten worst. I have an infection of the throat and glands and also my stomach is really bad. Not only am i constipated but even passing wind makes it feel as though i am on fire. Talk about torture from all areas. If its not the head playing up its the back and if not the back its the stomach and wind and on many occasions its all three together. I have never felt so ill in my life. I have another appointment at the hospital tomorrow, thank god, i will have to see what the specialist makes of all this. My luck when it comes to my health just lately is very bad and i just can’t seem to cut a break.
Its been ages since my last fishing trip so not getting out in the fresh air has been getting to me and making me feel low all the time. With the illness as well as the pain i am in all i can do is think of the worst and can’t seem to focus on anything other than my health. I need a break from it all. Maybe as soon as i am feeling up to it i should book myself a short break at a nice fishery and spend the weekend doing something i love. The weather is set to warm up really fast at the end of the week and the weekend is looking to be a nice start to summer, early this year. Normally when we get the warm weather my head and attacks usually calm down and i can go longer periods with out an attack.This year it has been delayed and i am still getting the same amount of attacks as i did in the winter.
I am hoping that the doctors will be able to find out exactly what is going on with me and why i feel so bad all the time. Tomorrow i have arranged the ambulance service to pick me up and take me as i don’t think i will make it by bus. Sometimes the vibration on the bus can set off attacks and i end up having loads in public. It feels so embarrassing when having an attack out in public as people can see you screaming in agony, rubbing your head where the pain runs as if you are trying to rub it better. Then, when people see your face slightly swollen and drooped on the left side, they assume you are having some kind of stroke or fit and offer to call an ambulance. I know they have the best of intentions and are only trying to help but when you are in so much pain all you want to do is be left alone and pray for it to stop. Sometimes it gets so bad you even pray for death to come quickly.
I have to admit i am doing very well when it comes to my depression and the bi-polar side of my personality. Normally its the end of the world with no sight of help but for some reason i have managed to keep my head above water so far. Ok i admit the pain gets to me all the time and feel so ill just lately has really blown me away but i still think there is help out there and that it won’t be long before the specialist finds the drug that will help put these attacks to sleep or at least find out exactly what’s causing the problem’ and why the attacks have been aggravated so much. I am praying it doesn’t take too much longer as every day that goes past i feel more and more drained of energy. I really don’t knowhow much more my body can take. Fighting the attacks and now fighting a virus on top of it all is making me feel so run down and tired, yet i can’t sleep as the attacks seem to come during my rest. Let’s hope we get a few answers now the hospital has all the scans and results.
