I have started the week with a much more positive attitude as i am feeling a lot better not just in myself but also where my health is concerned. My bowels are starting to play ball and i have a lot less wind than before. I am also able to move around a bit more now the pain in the sides and back have eased and i don’t get the shooting pains up and down the spine. I am still getting a little bloatedness and every now and again i have a problem eating as food gets trapped in the chest and takes a while to pass through but other than the odd attack from the beast i am doing OK for the time being. I know this can change at any moment so i have to enjoy the good days as much as i possibly can and the try and forget the bad days.
This seems to be the way i am living my life at the moment, i seem to shut myself away for the bad days so i can deal with the attacks and the depression in my own way with out anyone trying to tell you how you should be feeling and that they know how you feel when you know damb sure they haven't been through the same type off attack or pain that you have been getting. I know it sounds harsh but it is so true. When you are in so much pain and there is nothing anyone can do for you, there is no point trying to understand it as all you want is it to end and you don’t care how you end it you just have to, as the pain level is like nothing you can describe. When you have people around you it can sometimes help knowing there is someone there in case anything serious happens to you but can also aggravate your condition as you don;t like to be seen in agony and crying. A pride thing i suppose, one that needs to be put to one side when you are ill or in need of help.
I decided to treat myself this month to a complete new wardrobe and thrown out all the stuff i no longer wear that's old or damaged and buy all new items. I am the type of person that loves wearing tracksuit bottoms, of all kinds, as i find them very confortable and they always look smart and sporty if warn with a clean pair of training shoes. I do like smart looking jeans and only wear trousers on occasions, I decided to get myself 7 pairs of Tracksuit bottoms, assorted colours, along with 8 different colour Slazenger t-shirts. I also go some new socks and assorted boxer shorts making sure i had new everything so i can throw all the old in the bin. Next week i will be able to get my new Jeans and a couple of smart Tops and maybe even a pair of boots to go with the jeans and that my new wardrobe complete. So far its cost me less than £50 and that was to buy all the sports clothes from Sports Direct as they have a good sale on making it cheap to replace everything.
I don't want to temp fate at the moment as everything seems to be slowly getting better. My bowels have started to work and the stomach has calmed down for a while. I still pass a lot of wind that can sometimes become painful and leave me feeling bloated but this usually passes after an hour. I still sometimes get food and liquid trapped in my throat for no reason but the doctors will be looking at that when they shove a camera down the throat, yet another test to look forwards too. I am still getting some un explained pain in my lower back area and behind my shoulder blade on the left but i am sure that is linked to that attacks that get. The attacks themselves seem to be behaving and the warmer weather is keeping them away i am just hoping they will stay away for a while each time. If its only one or two attacks i can deal with it as i have my injections that will abort the attack but sometimes i end up having the attack later in the day instead so something tells me it could be a toss up between aborting that attack or postponing the attack each time you use an injection.
