Again i have been woken by the Beast in the early hours at 3am this morning but this time it wasn’t followed by a full blown attack instead i have had non stop shadows all morning making it impossible to go back to sleep. The shadow feeling, as i call them, are made up from a strong feeling of pressure on the side of the head resulting in your head feeling very heavy all the time and aches and pains in the neck. The aches and pains in the neck can become so strong they travel down the spine and into the back as well as make you back muscles tense and ache. It’s probably just as bad as having an attack but is so annoying it is worst than having tooth ache as you just can’t seem to get confortable no matter what position you sit or lay in and even standing becomes a problem as the back and side muscle begin to hurt if stood too long.
I am grateful i am not having the full blown attacks today so far but the shadows can be just as bad at times and i sometimes wonder if there are not other problems going on that are contributing to my over all health. With all the ache and pain you get in the different places it does make you wonder some times. I can’t wait for the hospital to complete all their tests and hopefully get to the bottom of all this trouble i have been having as it does really get me down at times. There has to be something that is making me like this and feeling so ill all the time, it’s just we can’t put our fingers on it and until all tests are done no one will be able to say “aha this is what's causing your condition!”, but hopefully soon they will.
The weather has been really nice just lately. The start of Spring was a warm one and now with 2 bank holidays being very sunny i think we are in for a great summer. If this is the case i will be so happy as my attacks seem to disappear when we have really warm or hot weather and i will be able to get out a lot more than i have been. Not being able to go fishing just lately has really been getting me done and all i want to do is get out there and start catching some big Carp as well as other fish. For the first time in my life i have all the fishing gear i could ever wish for and if there is anything i need i can get it at discounted prices thanks to the web site that i started so i really want to get out and start using all the new gear and baits i have. I will also bee passing these discounts on to other people that join in with the web site as a bonus for them as i think its only fair as they have helped me not only with my health but also getting the site up and running.
I am back up the hospital on the 24th May 2014 for another test, an EEG as i mentioned in an earlier blog. I wonder why they are doing one of these now and why it has taken them so long to get around to doing one. I remember having one when i was very young after i started to have black out every time i really yawned but this turned out to be nothing and they said there was nothing to worry about and i eventually grew out of it. Now this test is one i thought they should have done right at the start when i reported the attacks that i was getting but they have only now got round to doing it. I think its because me specialist is very thorough and has referred me for all kinds of test that he wants me to have. I will be checked from head to foot so he can find out exactly what is wrong and what treatment i will need.
Well with all the new appointments and referrals being made i can see the next few months will be busy with me back and forth the hospital. This i don’t mind so much as i know and hope they will finally get to the bottom of things so its a small price to pay having o go back and forth all the time. At least when its all done i will be feeling healthier and a bit more happier inside myself. The last few month have been difficult and there have been many a time i have wanted to just give it all up and wanted it all to end as i couldn’t cope with what was happening to me. I believed that having an incurable condition was going to be the end of me and my life was finally over and it has taken me a while to shake that feeling and understand that it is actually the start of a new beginning, just one in which i have to learn how to manage my condition.
