Another early morning wake up call from the beast with an attack so strong it again over powered he injections. This is the second day i have been bad al morning. Yesterday it started at 10pm in the evening and didn't stop all night i was up laying on the sofa watching rubbish on the TV as i just couldn’t go back to sleep due to fear of having another attack. For some reason the body just couldn't seem to relax and i have been suffering some bad anxiety just lately witch i think is due to stress and worry but it has been getting easier over the last couple of days.
I have cheated the last night as my friend brought me a valium to calm me down and hopefully help to put me to sleep. It did work eventually and i must have fallen asleep around 7 to 8 pm last night and managed to sleep through until 3 am when the attacks started again. Thankfully i have had enough rest so i don't feel so bad today but still feel a bit groggy and in pain from the attack. I can’t keep self medicating as this just leads to bigger problems in the end.
I will wait another week now to see if he anxiety starts to go as it could just be that other drug coming out of my system still. If it doesn’t settle after another week i will have to go back to the doctors and tell then what is going on. Things had started to look up and i have ben feeling very positive but then the other day i dropped like a brick and broke down. Thank god there was no one around as i would have just lost the plot instead i just lay there crying into my pillow for over 5 hours until the overwhelming feeling of doom and gloom had gone and i started to feel much better.
he trouble with suffering bi-polar disorder on top of my illness is i have to watch the lows and the highs and i believe i was on my way u heading for a high period so in fact i am grateful for the depression bringing me back down to earth and get my mind back on track and thinking straight again. You would think with all the different things i have had gone wrong with my health due to medication and side effects i would be used to new feelings and problems but no matter how hard you try you just can’t shale the feeling that you are ill.
Things have been looking better for me jus lately and i have been planning a fishing trip to start my season off and we are now just waiting on bait to arrive and the storms to give us a break and then we are off fishing. I have packed every thing away ready so its just put our food together, make sure we have plenty to drink and eat and that we will be able to stay warm. The trouble is its a hell of a lot of gear and can’t just be carried to the lake so i am having to purchase a special barrow that is designed for disabled people and people with bad backs, As soon as the barrow arrives it means we can get to the 3 closets venues with ease and with out having to carry a thing as you can put it all on the trolley/barrow even the rod bags can be strapped on top to save us from staging ourselves.
God i can’t wait t get out and go fishing. Jus to be able to get out of the flat for a while will be amazing and a couple of days by the lake side testing out new bait and equipment will be brilliant. My team partner John Rees is also as anxious to get out fishing as i am and even he cant wait. We have been doing so much preparation working, making rigs and putting together ready made PVA bags filled with a special attractant to see if we can bring on the bites a lot faster. If this works it will be great and we have lots of new baits and styles to try out so it should keep us busy for quite some time. This season is looking to be a god one and if all goes to plan we could even be looking to go to France next year to see if we can catch some of the monsters over their.
